ShortTales

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ShortTales

#1 Post by AnApocalypticLime »

ShortTales

Usually, throughout the week I randomly come up with ideas for a story or a moment within a nonexisting story that plays out really well and I've always wanted to write them but I end up never writing them down or sharing them and end up forgetting most of them, until now...

Pretty basic concept, I write down the ShortTale (most of them have been fight-scenes) I thought of and whoever's interested can talk about it.

ShortTale #1: Dock Bar Fight

      *whack*
      *whack*
      *whack*
      The sound of the hammer wasn't loud, but just loud enough so Edwards couldn't hear the approaching footsteps
"Oi, Edwahds. Watch'ya doin' now." says a lean, but short figure in a poncho, it was obvious how fake his accent was. But it somehow always worked at cracking Edwards's work mood.
"Makin' a boat"
"A boat? Thought you finished it already."
"Makin' a new one."
"What could you possibly need a new one for."
"Fish."
"You said that when I asked you about the last boat ya' boat-o-phelic. Anyways, I'm taking Cheryll out to dinner tonight."
"Lucky lady."
"I'm gonna close down shop and leave now, if ya' see anything, call me."
"You got it, mate."
With that, he's off and away. Edwards starts to lose track of time while working on the boat but it's short-lived as he hears smashing and yelling coming from his bar. He tries to ignore it but the yelling gets louder and he sees his scrawny excuse of a bartender run out the backdoor holding a tray above his head for protection. Now, Edwards is pissed. he nonchalantly walks into the bar and up to the billiards table and starts fiddling with the six-ball.
"Which one of you chased out my newest worker."
"Not our fault he served the wrong damn drink." A half-drunk, tall, bulky, blond man with a buzz cut and a bandana replies. His voice would intimidate most people. But right now Edwards definitely was not most people. The man picks up the mug and Edwards picks up the 6-ball.
"You the owner of this [censored] establishment?"
" 'deed I am" before Edwards could finish responding the man was already in the process of destroying the mug and smashing it on the floor.
"Oh, I'm sorry. Mr. Bartender, that mug mean anything special to you?"
"Actually, it did. It meant you're [censored]"
Edwards turns around and Throws the six ball straight at his face, the others in his group immediately stand up but before they get the chance to do anything Edwards has already rammed one into the wall and starts beating him, one guy pulls him off and tries to break his balance. He recovers but immediately gets punched in the rib. Edwards grabs his arm and brings the attacker towards him while readying his arm for a punch to the face. It knocks him back into the wall so hard he blacks out and the others start to limp away. after he's done cleaning up he gives a reassurance talk to the employee and goes to work on his boat. A slender woman walks up to him trying not to laugh.
"You ever regret being a bar-owner?"
"Nah, I think kicking people's [censored] help me cope"
"Are any of 'em still alive?"
"I thought about the gun, but none of them were armed. Knocked one out though."
"You [censored]," she says as she punches him playfully "Out of the military and you still don't get enough action."
"Punch me like that again and you might hurt me more than they did."
"hah! big tough guy huh," she says doing her best "tough guy" impression "About the guy who got knocked out. 'you take his wallet?"
"Oh, [censored] yeah I did."

When this idea originally came to me it was originally just the "you're [censored]" line, the bar fight, and his wife/girlfriend coming in at the end. for some reason I really liked the idea of a man who owns a bar on a port and I love fight scenes. I did take wayyyy too much inspiration fromthis scene however. When expanding the story to make it a ShortTale instead of a scene I couldn't decide on a British setting or a Southern-USA setting. In the end I went for subtle Southern-USA setting. Hope you enjoyed reading it.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Last edited by Hayate on Fri May 01, 2020 11:25 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: Do not ever bypass the censor
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Re: ShortTales

#2 Post by Hayate »

Do not bypass the swear filter by trying to self censor
-Hayate

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Re: ShortTales

#3 Post by Bellhead »

I think I'm gonna stick around here for a while. This seems similar in structure to how I wrote my first short stories... You get one single scene, capable of leading so far, but leave it short with a reasonably well-defined character or two in their natural habitat.

Nicely done. I shall hold my trivial punctuation complaints, and applaud your storytelling.

And yeah, counter-intuitive as it may be, half-swears are worse than all-out swears here. Took me a while to get used to it, but it helps if you've been on here with the swear filter still on when people are cussing up a storm. 'Course that was many years ago now...
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Re: ShortTales

#4 Post by AnApocalypticLime »

I know a ton about the English language (grammatically, not historically) and language in general. You could ask me anything about English and I could probably answer it. BUT PUNCTUATION AND CAPITALIZATION, I know how to use them, I know when to use them. but I ALWAYS FORGET TO EVEN USE THEM AT ALL. I also abuse the [censored] out of commas
(also thank you for the compliment :D )
Bellhead wrote:
Sat May 02, 2020 1:53 am
And yeah, counter-intuitive as it may be, half-swears are worse than all-out swears here.
so confuzzled. I'll use full swears next time I guess. I'm sorry but I can't completely ditch swears. Some might think of it as a "crutch for writers who suck at conveying the mood" but I think it's a very powerful tool because of how society treats these words, If all people had the "it's just another word" mentality they wouldn't work in story nearly as well as they do. I also think that the amount of swears a character uses can really tell you about their personality without having to take attention away from the main story to talk about the character's background

also, I think I should've done more with the Cheryll's husband arc of the story, I won't change it though because I'd probably regret that more than just keeping it in.
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Re: ShortTales

#5 Post by Bellhead »

You could always just write another bit just for that, same characters different setting.

As far as punctuation goes, I recommend watching Victor Borge (not sure if I spelled that right). He has a skit called phonetic punctuation. Hilarious, and forces you to pay attention to it.
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Re: ShortTales

#6 Post by Warrl »

There's a wonderful example of how masking swearing makes it worse right here. Every instance of THAT VERB gets bleeped.

Perhaps the best line is "When I'm alone I BLEEP myself."
Spoiler!
The verb in question being "count."

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Re: ShortTales

#7 Post by AnApocalypticLime »

I'll probably write more about Edwards and his friend a few stories from now (still need to give him a name, my mind keeps saying Tucker but since I've revealed that I'm an RvB fanboy my consideration of others' opinions won't let me) I'm also thinking about adding connections between each story but that might set limitations and contradict the whole purpose of me creating this. (;_;)
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Re: ShortTales

#8 Post by Bellhead »

Feel free to retcon, else just say they're different versions where one thing or another happened or not.

I've often found that simply relying on characterization for storytelling yields a wider variety of possible situations. Go wild, forget canon. Far as this thread is concerned, each post can be a whole new universe.
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