"The Hybrid" Twokinds fanfiction

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Maakisu Suzaki
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"The Hybrid" Twokinds fanfiction

#1 Post by Maakisu Suzaki »

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Re: "The Hybrid" Twokinds fanfiction

#2 Post by Maakisu Suzaki »

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Re: "The Hybrid" Twokinds fanfiction

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Re: "The Hybrid" Twokinds fanfiction

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Re: "The Hybrid" Twokinds fanfiction

#5 Post by Maakisu Suzaki »

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Re: "The Hybrid" Twokinds fanfiction

#6 Post by Nina »

im replying any way but you know its really good from where ive read so far. please keep writting.
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Re: "The Hybrid" Twokinds fanfiction

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Re: "The Hybrid" Twokinds fanfiction

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Re: "The Hybrid" Twokinds fanfiction

#9 Post by Maakisu Suzaki »

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Re: "The Hybrid" Twokinds fanfiction

#10 Post by anonfox123 »

Hey Suzaki!

Well, I took another look after your revisions, and it seems alright. Plot is the usual Twokinds fodder, guy finds ex-slave girl, relationship ensues, but I like the way you threw in a twist by having a Bastitin slave get rescued.
Still, IMO, you've overdid it with Buck's lineage. He's, what, half human, quarter Keidran, quarter Bastitin? Right... :?

Overall, even though the generic plot and initial issues in writing mechanics didn't give me the best first impression, I find myself pleasantly surprised now that I revisit this thread.
Oh, and don't worry, its not too graphic yet. (But dang, Buck sounds like one handsome devil! :P )

Finally, I've got a two suggestions: First, it might be interesting to hear about just how Kaiya got enslaved. Exploring that venue would add some depth to her character. (I mean, she's obviously not an Eastern Bastitin, so it can't have been something like a botched scouting party...)

Second, feel free to have a look at my own fic (link in sig). Some additional comments would be nice, that's all!
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Re: "The Hybrid" Twokinds fanfiction

#11 Post by Maakisu Suzaki »

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Re: "The Hybrid" Twokinds fanfiction

#12 Post by anonfox123 »

Ok, woah, wall of text...

You don't have to immediately jump to Kaiya's past right away just because I think its a good idea. take your time and work it in naturally.

As for the difference in the Bastitins... easterners are a LOT more reserved in affection, and not nearly as flirty or open as Kaiya. so that's why i assumed she's not an easterner.

For the other things, like talk scenes, writing style, its alright so far. Feel free to stick with what you know.

Hmm, name for the brother... (I'm assuming that a) he's Kaiya's bro, and b) he's journeyed all the way to the mainland to try and find her?)
How about Frederick? It kinda fits with the other Bastitin name's we've seen in the main story, but also shortens to a nice, casual "Fred" when he starts interacting with the cast.
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Re: "The Hybrid" Twokinds fanfiction

#13 Post by Maakisu Suzaki »

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Re: "The Hybrid" Twokinds fanfiction

#14 Post by Ryuketsu »

Well, for my part I think that Frederick should be a pretty good choice. And I have no idea how we say the diffrents hair styles in English Buck, sorry :S
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Re: "The Hybrid" Twokinds fanfiction

#15 Post by Maakisu Suzaki »

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