Silverlocks 11 [COMPLETED][DEFINITELY NSFW]

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Bellhead
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Re: Silverlocks 11 [in progress][DEFINITELY NSFW]

#31 Post by Bellhead »

A nice, gentle recovery from the hell that was that endeavor. I still say you should just post the new chapter where you announce it...

Karen's character, though. You NAILED it. Nicely done.
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Re: Silverlocks 11 [in progress][DEFINITELY NSFW]

#32 Post by Technic[Bot] »

I agree with Me Bell getting the new chapter where announced would be easier.

In any case interesting. I like how keith is worried about nat. It really captures the cute "young couple" dynamic where neither can stay too far from each other for too long, because they miss each other. And in this case Nat did go to a very dangerous place so worrying is actually garanteed.

In other note cuts in the legs, particularly the thighs are dangerous. There are really a lot of important veins and arteries down in our legs so much so a wrong cut can kill you....
Sorry I really like your story but this is a pet peeve for me...
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Re: Silverlocks 11 [in progress][DEFINITELY NSFW]

#33 Post by Bellhead »

To be fair, the description of it seems quite on-point to me.
Spoiler! Slightly grody
It wasn't a deep or wide cut, but was nasty nonetheless. And anything close to a vein or artery would cause immense bleeding, regardless of the cut size. I remember I once had to have a coworker bandage my arm with a cloth rag because actual bandages couldn't stop the bleeding from a pinprick. Dripped all over, too.. from a cut too small to see. Now if Nat had a cut from a busted window, big enough to see, he'd still likely be bleeding profusely for several minutes, even given proper care. To say nothing of the elevated physical stress and adrenaline he'd have had going on at the time.
The way I see it, if that cut is as bad as it seems, Nat was lucky to be conscious, if only from stress. He'll probably be bedridden for this for at least a day, less magic can heal him. But even at that, it didn't end so well last time...
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Re: Silverlocks 11 [in progress][DEFINITELY NSFW]

#34 Post by TheMasterOfOats »

Haha, I’ll start posting in the announcements. Also, thanks for the feedback, I’ll see how I can work that in.
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Re: Silverlocks 11 [in progress][DEFINITELY NSFW]

#35 Post by TheMasterOfOats »

And here's chapter 8! For all 2 of you asking for me to put it here, good news! No longer do you need to scroll to the top, you can't scroll to the top! Forum posts have a max of 60k characters (I guess to prevent insanely long spam threads. But that's still a lot! We got 7 chapters and my useless commentary in one.) So rejoice, for now checking the original post is totally, 102% useless.

Meanwhile, here's the chapter.
Spoiler!
The dust gently sifted down to the attic floor, where it was kicked up again by the rising and falling of the templar's breath. He gently breathed, in, out, over again, until....

He sneezed.

The sudden commotion jerked him awake. As his sinuses recovered, he noted his position: he was tied up, his hands to his feet. Bent over backwards, he was perched on his stomach, rolled slightly onto his head to account for his extra gut.

That brown slut must have tied me up, he thought to himself. But then he noticed his surroundings: he was in a dusty room, slanted ceilings, wall-to-wall books, a very short-looking doorframe. Holy crap, I gotta get out!

"Let me out!!!" he screamed, his voice cracking from his dry throat. He squirmed, trying to free himself from captivity. "I'll kill you all!"

|---------------------------------------------------------|

Raine's ears perked up to a distant thumping. Had she been human, she'd have missed it, but as a wolf....

Well, this form's not all bad. She thought to herself. Shaking off sleep, she rolled out of bed and into a housecoat. Tying the coat loosely around her, she cracked the door open and poked her head through. The thumping was more audible now, and even some curses were getting through. She stepped fully into the hall.

I should see if Natani is awake, Raine thought to herself. he--she? Natani would know what to do. Raine tiptoed over to Natani's room and gently knocked. Putting an ear to the door, she heard nothing. Raine prayed for the best and cracked the door.

Oh gods, not again! Raine panicked at what she saw: Keith and Natani, nestled together in bed. But as she awkwardly turned around, she heard a snore. A mighty sawing of logs that could only have come from Natani's lungs. Raine breathed a sigh of relief. no sex, hallelujah. Raine quietly shut the heavy door and set off to it alone. As she pulled down the hidden ladder to the attic, Raine had a realization: What if he uses magic on me? We didn't mana sink him. Taking no chances, Raine looked around at the decoration in the manor.

The manor was decorated entirely as a templar. No swords, shields, or halberds to speak of. No armour, crossbows, or anything remotely dangerous lining the halls. Raine settled for the next best thing: Bloodshed and Unity by Leonard Olistoy. She found the great volume on her very first journey to the attic, and had read it twice (the book contained both human and keidran in the same edition. Same book, double thick.) in as many days. She noted the layer of dust was much thinner on it than other books. She hefted the tome onto her shoulder and stepped through the attic doorway.

The templar lay, bound and hogtied, on the ground. Raine cleared her throat, trying to sound brave.

"*ahem*," She said. "I... uh... we need you for a special task."

"Where am I." The templar replied curtly, showing great disdain for the keidran standing over him.

"Ans--"

"WHERE THE HELL AM I!" the man screamed, shaking violently. Raine flinched and held the mighty book over her head, ready to club him with it. Getting no reply from the shy wolf, he spat at her. "You [female dog], I'm a templar. Does that strike fear into your keidran heart?"

Something snapped inside Raine. She knew she'd get Zen back, she swore it to herself and Natani. She wasn't going to get pushed around by some horny, incapacitated ex-templar. She dropped the book on his back, knocking the wind out of him. As he gasped for air, she knelt down beside him, grabbed his jaw with a clawed hand, and whispered in his ear. "You know what? Technically, I am a [female dog]. But I'm also a Silverlock." The templar paled when he heard the name of the former Grand Templar. "Does that strike fear in your human heart? Good. Because I've got a friend who's hurt and a thousand books saying you'll heal him. And I'm not afraid to drop every single one on your head to make you do it."

Raine stood from her threatening pose and walked to the door. She was brimming with excitement and confidence, so when the templar asked "What about the big sexy brown one? Is she here?" Raine played on the fear in his voice.

"Oh yeah," her voice remained cool, calm, and collected. "It's her brother you're going to heal. She's an assassin, so if you fail, you're lucky if she just cuts your balls off." Raine walked confidently out of the room, along the small hall and down the ladder. She'd come back for the templar, once Zen was safe and ready.

Raine was, for the first time in a while, happy. She was safe, things were going smoothly, and she was going to get her friend back. She flopped back onto her bed and rested her hands on her stomach. Then she noticed: her hands were human. She was human! In her excitement, she must have calmed down enough to change back.

And the best part is, Zen's coming back soon! She thought to herself, closing her eyes and letting out a sigh.

Somewhere in the back of her mind, a voice rang out. "Why do you want him back?"

Raine's eyes snapped open. Her yellow eyes stared back at her.

"AAAAH!" She screamed. Her wolf self was projected in front of her. Or was she projected? Raine realized the landscape around her was not her bedroom in the Legacy Estate, but an ethereal forest. "W-wuh... wh... where am I?" she stammered, the words spilling out of her mouth like some seriously chunky soup.

"This is your mind." the wolf replied. "You're dreaming." The wolf resembled Raine but was much more attractive then Raine believed herself to be. "You're here because we needed to talk." the wolf replied before Raine could even ask the question. "Why do we want Zen back?"

Raine was taken aback by the question. "Because he's my friend." Her answer was flat, but the emotions were flooding through her.

"You sure he's not more than that?"

"Yes! Is this going to continue or are you going to let me out?" She was becoming angry, stressed even. She knew where the conversation was going.

"Raine face it. You're in love with Zen. I know you are, because... I am."

The tears were flowing down human Raine's face now, her nerves breaking down. Raine came to her knees once more, grabbing fistfuls of hair in a desperate attempt to wake up. "No, no, no! Mother said I'm human! I don't love wolves, I love humans! There's nothing between me and Zen!"

As the last words escaped her mouth, she snapped awake. Tears streamed down her again-furred face, mingling with her cold sweat.

Natani stood awkwardly in the doorway. "We heard you screaming... are you ok?"

"I'm fine... I'm fine." Raine replied. But inwardly, a storm brewed.

How much does Zen really mean to me?
I know, I know, this one drags on like Casino Royale, but I felt like doing something dumb and put all my ideas here. Enjoy!
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Re: Silverlocks 11 [in progress][DEFINITELY NSFW]

#36 Post by Bellhead »

Actually, no it doesn't. The pacing feels right on, and Raine's behavior is very much relatable and realistic. The protagonists can't be fighting all the time, or the battle loses meaning. This was a nice change of pace, without being very dialogue-heavy. This honestly might be my favorite chapter yet.

Can't help but feel the dread of foreshadowing in that line, "for the first time in a while". But I'm glad to see her genuinely and purely happy, even if only for a few minutes. And the pacing of this chapter portrays it beautifully. Well done.
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Re: Silverlocks 11 [in progress][DEFINITELY NSFW]

#37 Post by Technic[Bot] »

Personally I prefer these more character driven sections rather than intense action sequences. I think written word is more fit for the former and motion media, like cinema, for the latter.

Lovely chapter, I really like how Raine conflict with what she is. Or at the end of the day: What she wants to be. Also I really like happy and confident Raine. When asked 120% of people answered that best Raine is Happy Raine!
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Re: Silverlocks 11 [in progress][DEFINITELY NSFW]

#38 Post by TheMasterOfOats »

Technic[Bot] wrote: Tue Sep 15, 2020 2:41 am Personally I prefer these more character driven sections rather than intense action sequences. I think written word is more fit for the former and motion media, like cinema, for the latter.

Lovely chapter, I really like how Raine conflict with what she is. Or at the end of the day: What she wants to be. Also I really like happy and confident Raine. When asked 120% of people answered that best Raine is Happy Raine!
Haha, yes, I’ve been told I either write like I’m having a conversation or I’m writing a screenplay. It’s been fun writing more like an actual book. I’ll probably re-write most (more like all) of the chapters, just to clean up plot holes and just do some general polishing.

Also, only 120%? I’ve heard that statistic as high as 130%.
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Re: Silverlocks 11 [in progress][DEFINITELY NSFW]

#39 Post by TheMasterOfOats »

The (almost) final chapter! I do plan on making one or two more, an epilogue of sorts. And sorry it took so long, but once you see how long it is you'll understand why it took forever.

Anyways, chapter 9! The Operation.
Spoiler!
Sunrise. The burning orange ball slowly poked above the mountains surrounding Edinmire. Raine squeezed her eyes shut; the sun shone clearly through her east-facing window and into her eyes.

Nooooo... She internally moaned. it's too early... A whole day had passed since she first visited the templar. Only Natani and Raine had interacted with him, brought him food and water, otherwise took care of him. Madelyn had wanted a chance to interrogate him, but to protect the other's identity she wasn't allowed.

Then the truth of the matter hit her. Today was the day. Today, she got Zen back. Her heart fluttered.

Don't think about it like that, Raine chastised herself. he's just a friend. Squinting, she lifted herself out of bed and stumbled over to the massive dresser against the wall. Each drawer was empty, and Raine threw back her head and moaned. A terrible start to such an exciting day. She threw a blanket around her shoulders and crept out the door, down the hall, and towards the laundry room.

She thought.

Left at the fork, down the hall, third door on the right, right? She thought to herself. Her mind mulled over the instructions Rose had given her last time she'd needed laundry done. Or was it right at the fork, second door on the left? Or was it two rights? The legacy manor was too big for her. "Agh, this is so confusing." She banged her head against the wall in rage saying "I should have asked Rose for directions."

"Well, you still can, dear." Rose's refined accent came from directly beside her. Raine jumped.

"Holy crap, Rose!" As she landed on the ground, she braced herself against the wall and caught her breath. "You scared me!"

"Being startled isn't good cause to use foul language, Raine," Rose said. "Come now, let's get your laundry done. Remember, two lefts!" Rose set off at a brisk pace down the hall, and Raine had to trot to keep up. Reaching the door, Rose turned the knob and threw the door open. The laundry room was well lit, a large bay window on one side, and a pair of sconces on the other wall. A washtub was already filled, vapours rising off the warm water. Various soaps sat on the edge, and a pile of Raine's dirty laundry (including things Rose had made for her during their time here) was in a basket, ready to be washed.

"Thanks, I-" Raine turned, but she was all alone. Rose was nowhere to be seen. Only mildly scared, Raine set about washing her clothes. The mundane tasks faded into the background, and her mind wandered to the operation to take place that day. The Templar seemed scared for his life with Natani around, so unless he's harbouring a major grudge he seems like he will cooperate.

What if... no, Raine, don't think about it! a melancholy thought slipped into her head. Let's be real... what if he can't save Zen? Raine gritted her teeth and forced the thought to the back of her mind. She turned her attention to her clothes. Lots of blue.

Well, I hope I look good in blue. Time flew by as she finished her laundry, hanging it to dry before slipping out the door.

By that time the mid-morning sun glanced off the grand windows, lighting the great halls of the manor. She tiptoed past the elegant spiral staircase to the kitchen. The sound of tired chatter rose through the air, and Raine paused to listen.

"... So I kneed the prick in the balls and made a break for it," one gruff voice regaled the others with a story.

Natani, Raine wagered, definetly Natani.

"I grabbed the amulet around his neck and used for leverage to shank him."

"Natani, you said you took the amulet while he was asleep!" Another voice chimed in. Male, but not nearly as coarse as Natani's.

And there's Keith. Raine smiled. They were a funny couple; you'd never see them do anything remotely romantic, but when nobody was watching... her mind drifted to just recently when she caught them snuggling in their sleep.

"I-I did?" Natani's embarrassed squeak betrayed her tough story. "n-no I di--"

"Yeah, you did! Maddie, back me up here!" Keith responded. Raine could hear the smile in his voice.

"He's right, miss Nat... Um, I mean mister."

Raine could almost hear Natani's glare, and she decided to move before things got worse for Maddie. She slipped into her room and dropped the blanket on the bed. Stepping over to the magic table, she gathered various items: cloth, needles, thread. She had learned how to sew from her caretaker, gaining proficiency to the point where she could read and sew confidently. Before too long, she had roughed out a blue sundress, made with the thin cloth from the table tied in the back with some ribbon.

Not my finest work, but I only need it for today she thought, regarding herself in the mirror. She hadn't even bothered to hem it properly, and the ends of the cloth were fraying. Confident she wouldn't be too embarrassed, she walked out the door and down the stairs to the kitchen. As the kitchen came into full view, she saw that Kathrine, Trace, and Flora had joined the party. Keith and Natani were locked in an arm wrestle, their arm shaking as they grunted at each other. Maddie sipped some juice beside Kat, both watching the battle. Trace and Flora sat off to one side, quietly eating their fill. Raine walked over to the counter and peered around for tea things.

"Phew, good one, Keith" Natani panted as he pinned her wrist to the table.

"Aw, gross!" Maddie yelled, falling out of her chair. Raine whirled around to see Natani had grabbed the front of Keith’s shirt and brought him in for a kiss. As she released him, Keith smiled at her.

"You're rather confident for having just lost."

"eh, what can I say?" she replied, flopping back into her seat. "Today's looking to be a good day." Raine located a teabag and dropped it into a cup of hot water. She grabbed a slice of toast and sat between Natani and Flora. She raised the toast to her mouth, but as she bit her hand was stilled.

"Woah, woah, woah!" Natani said, staring with a vaguely shocked expression at Raine. "Careful now! You can't eat bread."

"I can't? Why not?" she replied. Natani opened her mouth to answer, but Flora beat her to it.

"Because Keidran can't digest it. You'll get really sick."

"So do you all just eat meat?" Raine asked.

"I ate a potato once," Natani said, nodding. "Almost gave me dysentery. That sucked."

Raine shrugged and found some bacon.

|---------------------------------------------------------|

The attic was as dusty as always. The captured Templar stood if you can call it that, in the corner. The white wolf had been kind enough to prop him up on his feet and knees to feed him. At the time, it seemed like a smart gesture. Now, his toes burned like acid from kneeling. His shoulders were cramping from being hog-tied all day, and he could hardly breathe through his nose. It seems as if an eternity had passed since he had last been fed, and even longer since he had first woken up in here. He grunted through his nose, trying to dislodge the dust embedded within. His efforts were without avail.

His head sagged, and he relaxed his body. But before he could react, he felt himself falling forward. His head collided with the wooden floorboards, and he bounced slightly on his protruding stomach. The fat templar sighed.

"Time for waiting's over!" the door slammed open and the two wolves stepped through. The brown one spoke in broken human with an almost unintelligible accent. The white one was refined but considerably quieter. They both lifted him by his arms. The brown one pulled out a wicked-looking knife, and the templar braced for the oncoming attack. But with a deft touch of an experienced assassin, the blade sliced through the ropes, freeing him completely.

The white wolf muttered something to the other, and the brown one responded with a phrase he actually knew: "don't care."

They dragged him through the door and down a short hallway, stopping at a trapdoor. A careful series of movements proceeded, one of which included him getting dragged down the ladder by the brown one. The templar was once again dragged down the hall, but he finally got a proper look at where he was being held hostage.

"Oh gods," he gasped aloud. "We-we're in the Legacy manor? I was only here once, during one of his famous parties. But..." A wicked thought entered his head. "I can report this to the guard! You'll all get it."

"Shot et," the big wolf muttered.

The smaller one in blue use a little more tact. "The city guard knows we're here. We're under the protection of the Duke of Edinmire."

"bullcrap," the templar responded, "he's only rumoured to have returned. There's no way..."

His mouth fell open as a blue-haired figure walked across the hallway with a male tiger. "He's gay?" he questioned, stunned.

The tiger turned to stare at him, enraged. "Do I look like a man to you?" she said, gesturing to her body. "Actually, don't answer that. You've already stepped in it once." Contented, the pair walked away.

They crossed the balcony over the foyer and turned into a room. They released him, while one closed the door and another lit the lights.

His eyes turned to a figure on the bed. Another brown wolf, male, with slightly sandier fur.

I don't like sand, it's coarse and... focus! Your bloody life depends on this. He strained his mind back to his new patient and lifted the blanket.

"That's your problem now," the white one began. "get to work."

He inspected the target area. A leg, burnt to a crisp by apparent magic. There were faint runes singed into the limb. "Wow, this is one of the worst regeneration spells I've ever seen!" he noted the novice handiwork. "A good try, but still poorly done." A shuffle could be heard behind him, one wolf restraining the other. He heard whispers in Keidran.

Off to work, then.

|---------------------------------------------------------|

Natani's mind wandered from the operation. It was frankly boring, and while the prospect of having her brother back was great, it was tedious at best. The templar muttered under his breath, incantations influencing the magic flowing through his hands. At various points, he would ask questions of Raine, such as "where the soul was". Raine occasionally relayed questions to Natani, as she had more magic experience.

Dang it, Zen! Once you're back you'd better get back on your feet.

|---------------------------------------------------------|

Zen yawned. He had been floating behind Natani all day, his only link to the real world. He had witnessed some hilarious things, ones she didn't even know she had done.

I guess that's the benefit of never needing to sleep. You never miss a moment.

He chuckled inwardly, reminiscing on Keith's suffering as Natani farted in the middle of the night. It always happened, always exactly 2 months after her estrus, she would have major gas attacks. They both suffered at each other’s hand the first year, but since it had only been her.

Zen walked up behind Raine and wrapped his arms around her. He had never been able to feel her, but he liked being close to her. Something about her made him feel... safe. She was his guardian angel. But something was different this time. He could almost feel, no, he could her waist in his grasp.

She stiffened in front of him, and they gasped in unison.

Zen's vision began to fade, and he stumbled backwards. His lungs felt like they were burning, his heart pounding. He hadn't felt like that for days. His vision faded to black, and he could feel himself hyperventilating.

"Zen?" Raine murmured. She had felt something around her waist, and she looked up at the still figure in bed. His chest rose and fell, ever so slightly at first, but it became faster and faster. Finally, his eyes snapped open and he took a huge breath.

"Wha--" he stumbled over his words, his body having had no use for a long while. "It work-*cough*-ed, I'm back!" His eyes ached from the light, but he managed to focus on the two figures at his bedside. "You guys, you... saved me." They reached down in unison and lifted him into a bear hug, tears streamed from all eyes.

"I've been out for so long, and the first thing I need is a nap!" He chuckled slightly, his lungs feeling raspy. "And maybe some water."

Natani stood. "I'll find Rose, or get it myself, but I'll be righ--" Natani froze. "guys, don't look now but the templar is gone."

Sure enough, the templar had disappeared. Natani flung the door open and breathed a sigh of relief. Maddie had the fat lad in a headlock. Rose stood behind him, a paddle in hand, ready to spank the lardy templar.

"Ah, right." Rose paused and handed the paddle to Maddie. "You needed water. I'll be back!" She set off down the hall, and Natani followed closely behind, speedwalking towards the kitchen. Maddie began beating the crap out of the templar.

|---------------------------------------------------------|

Back in the room, Raine and Zen were still hugging.

"I missed you so much, and I spent forever planning, working--"

"shh, Raine." He hushed. "I know. I spent the whole time following you all around. I know the great lengths you went to for me." He looked deep into her big yellow eyes, and she gazed into his warm brown ones. "Thank you, and... I love you."

Raine pulled him even closer. "Zen, I..." She heard a little voice within. Just say it already! "I love you too." And while her confidence was boosted, she pulled him into a kiss. They sat there a minute, their embrace as passionate as ever. Then Zen pulled out and collapsed onto the pillow. Raine's heart stopped until she heard a snore ring forth. She smiled and pulled the blanket over them both. She curled up beside him and lay her head on his chest. The stress, the adrenaline, the work, had all paid off. She fell asleep too, a faint smile played across her face.

Natani thundered down the hall, water in hand, a wet trail of what she had spilt followed her down the carpet. Her pace slowing, she opened the door and looked in. She immediately stilled and tiptoed closer to the sleeping couple. Setting the water on the bedside table, she smiled at the two.

"Well done Zen," she whispered. "You got a keeper." She closed the door behind her, and in doing so, closed the door to another chapter of her life.
What do you think?
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Re: Silverlocks 11 [in progress][DEFINITELY NSFW]

#40 Post by Bellhead »

I think your storytelling skills have been improving.

I will say that that line, "They both suffered at each other’s hand the first year, but since it had only been her." is a little confusing to read, specifically the second part sounds like an incomplete thought. It might be better to add in a comma; '.. but since then, it had only been her.' , or to make it a separate sentence entirely. Little stuff like that.

Overall, I'd say it was a nice progression; the little bits of characterization between the characters, from different perspectives, adds quite a bit. Well done, as always.
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Re: Silverlocks 11 [in progress][DEFINITELY NSFW]

#41 Post by TheMasterOfOats »

Bellhead wrote: Tue Oct 06, 2020 10:05 pm I will say that that line, "They both suffered at each other’s hand the first year, but since it had only been her." is a little confusing to read, specifically the second part sounds like an incomplete thought. It might be better to add in a comma; '.. but since then, it had only been her.' , or to make it a separate sentence entirely. Little stuff like that.
Hmm. Good thought. I do plan on rewriting bit to make it coherent, you can tell I'm slipping at times.
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Re: Silverlocks 11 [in progress][DEFINITELY NSFW]

#42 Post by Technic[Bot] »

Honestly I really like the ending. I think it was a sweet finale. Thought I expected this story to be much longer not sure why

My only complaint is sometimes I find it a bit hard to figure who said what and to whom. But honestly do not take writing advice from me. You are still very good

Also I did not know wolves, and big cats for that matter, can't digest starches. The more you know!
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Bellhead
Templar Inner Circle
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Joined: Wed Oct 23, 2013 11:17 pm
Location: New England, US
Fav. Twokinds Character: Keith and Natani

Re: Silverlocks 11 [in progress][DEFINITELY NSFW]

#43 Post by Bellhead »

More like Keidran can't. That's canon Twokinds info, since WAY back.

And I can tell you why you expected it to be longer, it's the low number of overarching plotlines. That's an issue topic on a deep level with the storytelling, regarding a lengthy story with only one major plotline and few subplots. It makes the story easier to follow by simplifying it, but makes the whole thing feel thin in a way, no matter how long or detailed the story is. Like a Slice-of-Life comic.

Personally, I think that style fits well in this circumstance, with your level of writing experience, and plot, and the medium. All told, it worked out, in my mind. Longer, deeper stories with multiple interconnected plots can be.. not addictive... frustrating, maybe? Confusing? There's a word for it I can't think of. Basically, if you don't read it all, or don't have the mind to remember each plotline, then the plots get confusing if you read it pieces at a time, like we all have here. This doesn't have that, as we know the one basic plot, and there's never more than one or two subplots to keep track of.

I don't know much about writing technique, so I'm no expert by any means. But that's my two cents. In all honesty, this feels like a long "short story" kind of piece, and to that end, I think it works.
Gearhead mechanic in the digital era, who will probably grow up is in the process of growing up to be a very grumpy old man.

TheMasterOfOats
Apprentice
Posts: 120
Joined: Mon May 25, 2020 11:16 pm
Location: Canada
Fav. Twokinds Character: Florence Ambrose

Re: Silverlocks 11 [in progress][DEFINITELY NSFW]

#44 Post by TheMasterOfOats »

Bellhead wrote: Wed Oct 07, 2020 2:37 am And I can tell you why you expected it to be longer, it's the low number of overarching plotlines. That's an issue topic on a deep level with the storytelling, regarding a lengthy story with only one major plotline and few subplots. It makes the story easier to follow by simplifying it, but makes the whole thing feel thin in a way, no matter how long or detailed the story is. Like a Slice-of-Life comic.

Personally, I think that style fits well in this circumstance, with your level of writing experience, and plot, and the medium. All told, it worked out, in my mind. Longer, deeper stories with multiple interconnected plots can be.. not addictive... frustrating, maybe? Confusing? There's a word for it I can't think of. Basically, if you don't read it all, or don't have the mind to remember each plotline, then the plots get confusing if you read it pieces at a time, like we all have here. This doesn't have that, as we know the one basic plot, and there's never more than one or two subplots to keep track of.

I don't know much about writing technique, so I'm no expert by any means. But that's my two cents. In all honesty, this feels like a long "short story" kind of piece, and to that end, I think it works.
There is one or two more chapters coming, epilogues that should clarify some elements of the story and reset the situation to where this could slot anywhere into this part of the canon arc and it wouldn’t be easy to detect.
I also (in the edits) want to resurrect a subplot (not-essential but I think might provide one last taste of sweet vengeance if you catch my drift) that will drag the story out a little more and better define status quo.

I’m a garbage writer with a grade 10 language arts education so if there are any more comments let me know and I’ll see if I can fix those mistakes.
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Mr. The master of Oats, master of Oats Canada and Canada Oats, in Oats, Canada.

Yastreb
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Posts: 102
Joined: Wed Jul 10, 2019 1:52 pm
Location: Finland
Fav. Twokinds Character: Keith

Re: Silverlocks 11 [in progress][DEFINITELY NSFW]

#45 Post by Yastreb »

Technic[Bot] wrote: Tue Oct 06, 2020 11:49 pm Also I did not know wolves, and big cats for that matter, can't digest starches. The more you know!
Bellhead wrote: Wed Oct 07, 2020 2:37 am More like Keidran can't. That's canon Twokinds info, since WAY back.
I always assumed that it was just feline Keidran, while canine types are omnivorous like their our world counterparts. Sythe even eats pizza in the comic.

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