Silverlocks 11 [COMPLETED][DEFINITELY NSFW]
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- Bellhead
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Re: Silverlocks 11 [in progress][DEFINITELY NSFW]
A nice, gentle recovery from the hell that was that endeavor. I still say you should just post the new chapter where you announce it...
Karen's character, though. You NAILED it. Nicely done.
Karen's character, though. You NAILED it. Nicely done.
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Re: Silverlocks 11 [in progress][DEFINITELY NSFW]
I agree with Me Bell getting the new chapter where announced would be easier.
In any case interesting. I like how keith is worried about nat. It really captures the cute "young couple" dynamic where neither can stay too far from each other for too long, because they miss each other. And in this case Nat did go to a very dangerous place so worrying is actually garanteed.
In other note cuts in the legs, particularly the thighs are dangerous. There are really a lot of important veins and arteries down in our legs so much so a wrong cut can kill you....
Sorry I really like your story but this is a pet peeve for me...
In any case interesting. I like how keith is worried about nat. It really captures the cute "young couple" dynamic where neither can stay too far from each other for too long, because they miss each other. And in this case Nat did go to a very dangerous place so worrying is actually garanteed.
In other note cuts in the legs, particularly the thighs are dangerous. There are really a lot of important veins and arteries down in our legs so much so a wrong cut can kill you....
Sorry I really like your story but this is a pet peeve for me...
There are three things that motivate people: Money, fear and love.
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- Bellhead
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Re: Silverlocks 11 [in progress][DEFINITELY NSFW]
To be fair, the description of it seems quite on-point to me.
The way I see it, if that cut is as bad as it seems, Nat was lucky to be conscious, if only from stress. He'll probably be bedridden for this for at least a day, less magic can heal him. But even at that, it didn't end so well last time...
Spoiler! Slightly grody
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Re: Silverlocks 11 [in progress][DEFINITELY NSFW]
Haha, I’ll start posting in the announcements. Also, thanks for the feedback, I’ll see how I can work that in.
You’re welcome.
Mr. The master of Oats, master of Oats Canada and Canada Oats, in Oats, Canada.
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Re: Silverlocks 11 [in progress][DEFINITELY NSFW]
And here's chapter 8! For all 2 of you asking for me to put it here, good news! No longer do you need to scroll to the top, you can't scroll to the top! Forum posts have a max of 60k characters (I guess to prevent insanely long spam threads. But that's still a lot! We got 7 chapters and my useless commentary in one.) So rejoice, for now checking the original post is totally, 102% useless.
Meanwhile, here's the chapter.
I know, I know, this one drags on like Casino Royale, but I felt like doing something dumb and put all my ideas here. Enjoy!
Meanwhile, here's the chapter.
Spoiler!
You’re welcome.
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Re: Silverlocks 11 [in progress][DEFINITELY NSFW]
Actually, no it doesn't. The pacing feels right on, and Raine's behavior is very much relatable and realistic. The protagonists can't be fighting all the time, or the battle loses meaning. This was a nice change of pace, without being very dialogue-heavy. This honestly might be my favorite chapter yet.
Can't help but feel the dread of foreshadowing in that line, "for the first time in a while". But I'm glad to see her genuinely and purely happy, even if only for a few minutes. And the pacing of this chapter portrays it beautifully. Well done.
Can't help but feel the dread of foreshadowing in that line, "for the first time in a while". But I'm glad to see her genuinely and purely happy, even if only for a few minutes. And the pacing of this chapter portrays it beautifully. Well done.
Gearhead mechanic in the digital era, who will probably grow up is in the process of growing up to be a very grumpy old man.
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Re: Silverlocks 11 [in progress][DEFINITELY NSFW]
Personally I prefer these more character driven sections rather than intense action sequences. I think written word is more fit for the former and motion media, like cinema, for the latter.
Lovely chapter, I really like how Raine conflict with what she is. Or at the end of the day: What she wants to be. Also I really like happy and confident Raine. When asked 120% of people answered that best Raine is Happy Raine!
Lovely chapter, I really like how Raine conflict with what she is. Or at the end of the day: What she wants to be. Also I really like happy and confident Raine. When asked 120% of people answered that best Raine is Happy Raine!
There are three things that motivate people: Money, fear and love.
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Re: Silverlocks 11 [in progress][DEFINITELY NSFW]
Haha, yes, I’ve been told I either write like I’m having a conversation or I’m writing a screenplay. It’s been fun writing more like an actual book. I’ll probably re-write most (more like all) of the chapters, just to clean up plot holes and just do some general polishing.Technic[Bot] wrote: ↑Tue Sep 15, 2020 2:41 am Personally I prefer these more character driven sections rather than intense action sequences. I think written word is more fit for the former and motion media, like cinema, for the latter.
Lovely chapter, I really like how Raine conflict with what she is. Or at the end of the day: What she wants to be. Also I really like happy and confident Raine. When asked 120% of people answered that best Raine is Happy Raine!
Also, only 120%? I’ve heard that statistic as high as 130%.
You’re welcome.
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Re: Silverlocks 11 [in progress][DEFINITELY NSFW]
The (almost) final chapter! I do plan on making one or two more, an epilogue of sorts. And sorry it took so long, but once you see how long it is you'll understand why it took forever.
Anyways, chapter 9! The Operation.
What do you think?
Anyways, chapter 9! The Operation.
Spoiler!
You’re welcome.
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- Bellhead
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Re: Silverlocks 11 [in progress][DEFINITELY NSFW]
I think your storytelling skills have been improving.
I will say that that line, "They both suffered at each other’s hand the first year, but since it had only been her." is a little confusing to read, specifically the second part sounds like an incomplete thought. It might be better to add in a comma; '.. but since then, it had only been her.' , or to make it a separate sentence entirely. Little stuff like that.
Overall, I'd say it was a nice progression; the little bits of characterization between the characters, from different perspectives, adds quite a bit. Well done, as always.
I will say that that line, "They both suffered at each other’s hand the first year, but since it had only been her." is a little confusing to read, specifically the second part sounds like an incomplete thought. It might be better to add in a comma; '.. but since then, it had only been her.' , or to make it a separate sentence entirely. Little stuff like that.
Overall, I'd say it was a nice progression; the little bits of characterization between the characters, from different perspectives, adds quite a bit. Well done, as always.
Gearhead mechanic in the digital era, who will probably grow up is in the process of growing up to be a very grumpy old man.
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Re: Silverlocks 11 [in progress][DEFINITELY NSFW]
Hmm. Good thought. I do plan on rewriting bit to make it coherent, you can tell I'm slipping at times.Bellhead wrote: ↑Tue Oct 06, 2020 10:05 pm I will say that that line, "They both suffered at each other’s hand the first year, but since it had only been her." is a little confusing to read, specifically the second part sounds like an incomplete thought. It might be better to add in a comma; '.. but since then, it had only been her.' , or to make it a separate sentence entirely. Little stuff like that.
You’re welcome.
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Re: Silverlocks 11 [in progress][DEFINITELY NSFW]
Honestly I really like the ending. I think it was a sweet finale. Thought I expected this story to be much longer not sure why
My only complaint is sometimes I find it a bit hard to figure who said what and to whom. But honestly do not take writing advice from me. You are still very good
Also I did not know wolves, and big cats for that matter, can't digest starches. The more you know!
My only complaint is sometimes I find it a bit hard to figure who said what and to whom. But honestly do not take writing advice from me. You are still very good
Also I did not know wolves, and big cats for that matter, can't digest starches. The more you know!
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Re: Silverlocks 11 [in progress][DEFINITELY NSFW]
More like Keidran can't. That's canon Twokinds info, since WAY back.
And I can tell you why you expected it to be longer, it's the low number of overarching plotlines. That's an issue topic on a deep level with the storytelling, regarding a lengthy story with only one major plotline and few subplots. It makes the story easier to follow by simplifying it, but makes the whole thing feel thin in a way, no matter how long or detailed the story is. Like a Slice-of-Life comic.
Personally, I think that style fits well in this circumstance, with your level of writing experience, and plot, and the medium. All told, it worked out, in my mind. Longer, deeper stories with multiple interconnected plots can be.. not addictive... frustrating, maybe? Confusing? There's a word for it I can't think of. Basically, if you don't read it all, or don't have the mind to remember each plotline, then the plots get confusing if you read it pieces at a time, like we all have here. This doesn't have that, as we know the one basic plot, and there's never more than one or two subplots to keep track of.
I don't know much about writing technique, so I'm no expert by any means. But that's my two cents. In all honesty, this feels like a long "short story" kind of piece, and to that end, I think it works.
And I can tell you why you expected it to be longer, it's the low number of overarching plotlines. That's an issue topic on a deep level with the storytelling, regarding a lengthy story with only one major plotline and few subplots. It makes the story easier to follow by simplifying it, but makes the whole thing feel thin in a way, no matter how long or detailed the story is. Like a Slice-of-Life comic.
Personally, I think that style fits well in this circumstance, with your level of writing experience, and plot, and the medium. All told, it worked out, in my mind. Longer, deeper stories with multiple interconnected plots can be.. not addictive... frustrating, maybe? Confusing? There's a word for it I can't think of. Basically, if you don't read it all, or don't have the mind to remember each plotline, then the plots get confusing if you read it pieces at a time, like we all have here. This doesn't have that, as we know the one basic plot, and there's never more than one or two subplots to keep track of.
I don't know much about writing technique, so I'm no expert by any means. But that's my two cents. In all honesty, this feels like a long "short story" kind of piece, and to that end, I think it works.
Gearhead mechanic in the digital era, who will probably grow up is in the process of growing up to be a very grumpy old man.
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Re: Silverlocks 11 [in progress][DEFINITELY NSFW]
There is one or two more chapters coming, epilogues that should clarify some elements of the story and reset the situation to where this could slot anywhere into this part of the canon arc and it wouldn’t be easy to detect.Bellhead wrote: ↑Wed Oct 07, 2020 2:37 am And I can tell you why you expected it to be longer, it's the low number of overarching plotlines. That's an issue topic on a deep level with the storytelling, regarding a lengthy story with only one major plotline and few subplots. It makes the story easier to follow by simplifying it, but makes the whole thing feel thin in a way, no matter how long or detailed the story is. Like a Slice-of-Life comic.
Personally, I think that style fits well in this circumstance, with your level of writing experience, and plot, and the medium. All told, it worked out, in my mind. Longer, deeper stories with multiple interconnected plots can be.. not addictive... frustrating, maybe? Confusing? There's a word for it I can't think of. Basically, if you don't read it all, or don't have the mind to remember each plotline, then the plots get confusing if you read it pieces at a time, like we all have here. This doesn't have that, as we know the one basic plot, and there's never more than one or two subplots to keep track of.
I don't know much about writing technique, so I'm no expert by any means. But that's my two cents. In all honesty, this feels like a long "short story" kind of piece, and to that end, I think it works.
I also (in the edits) want to resurrect a subplot (not-essential but I think might provide one last taste of sweet vengeance if you catch my drift) that will drag the story out a little more and better define status quo.
I’m a garbage writer with a grade 10 language arts education so if there are any more comments let me know and I’ll see if I can fix those mistakes.
You’re welcome.
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Re: Silverlocks 11 [in progress][DEFINITELY NSFW]
Technic[Bot] wrote: ↑Tue Oct 06, 2020 11:49 pm Also I did not know wolves, and big cats for that matter, can't digest starches. The more you know!
I always assumed that it was just feline Keidran, while canine types are omnivorous like their our world counterparts. Sythe even eats pizza in the comic.