-=Reunited=- (Violence/Language/Blood)

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Ryder40407
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Joined: Tue Jun 21, 2016 1:12 am

-=Reunited=- (Violence/Language/Blood)

#1 Post by Ryder40407 »

This is a story that takes place in the universe of TwoKinds(Just to make this clear). This also may not be best, but I've been dying to write a series for TwoKinds. Still deciding on a name as well. Just came up with idea and started writing this 6/20/16 and I might not have much time to write this. Expecting the first chapter to be done in the next few weeks.

!Mature Language warning. Inappropriate language is used in the story. Like swears!
!Mature warning. This story includes of Violence and blood. So if you are not comfortable reading and imaging blood and violence do not continue.!

This is a work in progress, things may or will change.
Also Estimation Dates for the Chapters have a large chance of changing as well.

-=Updates=-
*Changed every date by 4 days, something came up and hade me delay them all.

-=Backstory=-
      Ryder was raised with his foster father, Wither Kin. Wither Kin trained him in the art of magic next to his foster brother Sage. When he turned 16 he moved in with his brother in S. Leighton. When 20 he meets a Keidran, named Amy, which he secretly fell in love with and ended up marrying. Flare, one of Ryder’s friends, gets a hatred for Amy. She tells the Templar about Ryder’s Keidran wife, having the Templar arrest Ryder and send Amy off to some far away Salve Traders. So he sets off with Atlas that has been staying at Sage’s to find his lost wife.

-=Extra Stuff=-
Character Descriptions

-=Chapter(s)=-
Chapter 1(Estimated Date:6/29/16)
Chapter 2(Estimated Date:7/4/16)
Chapter 3(Estimated Date:7/11/16)
Chapter 4(Estimated Date:7/18/16)

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Ryder40407
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Posts: 2
Joined: Tue Jun 21, 2016 1:12 am

Re: -=Reunited=- (Violence/Language/Blood)

#2 Post by Ryder40407 »

-=Characters=-

Ryder Heavens
Physical Description: Short brown hair, Blue eyes.
Gender: Male
Age: 22
Class: Mage
Species: Human
Languages: Human, (Very Little) Keidran
Personality: Ryder is usually friendly, smart, and a little stubborn. However, his personality changes on the situation.

Amy Heavens
Physical Description: Fur is all white, Yellow hair going to the right side of her head, Yellow eyes.
Gender: Female
Age: ~12
Class: Slave
Species: Snow Wolf Keidran
Languages: Human, Keidran
Personality: Amy is friendly, smart, and athletic

Sage Kin
Physical Description: Short dirty blonde hair. Grey eyes.
Gender: Male
Age: 34
Class: Warrior Mage
Species: Human
Languages: All
Personality: Sage is mostly stubborn, smart, and athletic. Puts himself above all others except for his step-brother.

Atlas
Physical Description: Fur is all brown, Also long brown hair (Kinda like Eval’s hair). Blue eyes.
Gender: Male
Age: ~11
Class: Slave
Species: Forest Wolf Keidran
Languages: Human, Keidran
Personality: Atlas acts determined and attentive most the time. But when times comes to it he protects his friends from danger.

Atlas is a slave working under Sage and Ryder. His job is primarily to navigate Ryder and his friends on his journeys. He's good friends with Amy.

Skye
Physical Description: Short brown hair and Light blue eyes. (The rest is self explanatory.)
Gender: Female
Age: ~9
Class: Ex-Slave
Species: Fox Keidran
Languages: (Not much) Human, Keidran
Personality: She is timid, shy and curious at times. She tries to avoid every human she comes near so she doesn't end up a slave again.

Skye was captured by salve traders and sold to a family in Knockford, till one of the family members let her go. She meet up with Ryder when she was on her way trying to find a way back to the Coastal Fox Tribe were her parents still await her.

-=Villains=-
Flare
Physical Description: Long blonde hair. Orange eyes.
Gender: Female
Age: 25
Class: Citizen
Species: Human
Languages: Human
Personality: Flare used to be a Human friend of Ryder. Till her hatred for Keidran and her jealously of Amy got over her as she betrayed Ryder by telling the Templar about his Keidran wife. Having the Templar arrest Ryder and Amy put up for Slave Trading.

Warrl
Grand Templar
Posts: 1526
Joined: Sun Jun 08, 2014 11:19 pm

Re: -=Reunited=- (Violence/Language/Blood)

#3 Post by Warrl »

Spoiler!
1. Most of this goes in author's private notes. It doesn't get published in this form AT ALL (except to co-authors).
2. The rest of it goes (as currently written) in story DISCUSSION, not in the story.
3.
Ryder was born with his parents abandoning him to be trained in the art of magic by his Step-Father Wither Kin.
He's just being born, already has a stepfather, and his parents are in the process of abandoning him? Specifically so he can be trained in magic? Rather rushed. I'd suggest either a foster-father rather than a stepfather, mother dying in childbirth (more likely with a pre-modern setting but DOES happen even today, with risk that father or stepfather will blame child which usually causes all sorts of interesting psychological scars), or some time with Mom and stepfather before Mom disappears.
4.
When 20 he meets a Keidran, named Amy, which he secretly married.
"Which" is in the nonperson gender. (English, believe it or not, has pronouns in four grammatical genders.) You want "whom". Grammarnazis-Я-Us thanks you for your patronage.
5.
But now that Flare,one of Ryder's friends, betrays him in being to jealous of Amy, and her hatred towards Keidran she decides to call the Templar on Ryder for not having a control spell on Amy and for marrying a Keidran.
Very confused sentence. If your word processor has a grammar checker and it isn't turned on, I suggest turning it on. The things are untrustworthy (particularly the proposed fixes) and don't catch all the real problems, but anything it DOES complain about should get a second look to see if it really needs changed.

Now for your actual story, it typically should start with a protagonist in a situation and actually doing something. And the opening scene should be about that character, the situation, and what the character is doing. The facts that you've presented in this intro stuff, should be sparingly scattered through the story as needed and makes sense. Remember that the story you're telling takes precedence over background. For that matter, any background that hasn't made it into the story *and been published* can be changed if something else would be better for the story.

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