So I'm strongly considering entering something in the NWC this year but I'm not really 100% about it, one reason being I don't have much experience.
I'd like to share two screenplay like things I've written that were more intended as game scripts (my brother and I like using RPG Maker) so they're
written less like a story and more to be easily followed and to have some lean-way for how stuff is done, mostly for my brother and ease of writing.
I'll post them separately in this topic so there's in one place and so that I'm not creating multiple topics when I'm not even sure if I'll submit any.
Looking for feedback, NWC in mind.
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RennisTora
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RennisTora
- Templar GrandMaster
- Posts: 645
- Joined: Mon Jan 23, 2012 5:14 am
- Location: Canada
Re: Looking for feedback, NWC in mind.
Keep in mind this isn't a finished work, and one of my first attempt... Grammar has not been corrected, this an old one.
This is a story/game idea that came to me late at night (as always it seems).
The story is that a Canadian submarine is doing coastal patrols when they're inveloped in a mysterios light and the machinery of the sub behaves iregularily, the character is a transfer from the UK as part of a program and they are technically of knightly status.
Durign the event the sub's sensors can't seem to pick anything up other then the fact that the light is really there by detecting photons, after the light and technical dificulties vanish the crew find that they can not contact anyone by radio or satilite.
After deciding that if the sub's systems are behaving iregularily it's best to make land and do a damage report, from the maps they have on board they can tell they should be near "random Canadian city" but when they get to land they can't see any: buildings, people, roads, planes or anything that resembles what they know of the area.
After they make land and get top-side, the Captain is told that they've double checked all systems and that there isn't anything wrong with the sub itself. Not satisfied the Captain tells them to check again and try coasting through the radio frequincies, at which point they here "it's not going to do us any good now Captain" being said by the older mechanic as he comes on deck. He explaines the old leggends of sailors being lost at sea and finding themselves in a strange land very similar and yet very difirent then the one they knew, the conversation would lead to the man insinuating that they and the crew have been hurled through time.
The Captain unable to disprove the fact orders everyone back onboard and that they wait until night fall to send out the scouting team, the captain is later told that despite trying every channel they could find there was no incoming signals. There was however a strange mix of giberish and static they couldn't make out that didn't read as a radio signal to the electronics, as time passes and night comes the scout team is sent out with night vision gear and wireless cams.
After wandering through the brush the team comes across a small vilage, they use the cams to get a closer look without giving themselves away. It apears to be a very small and simple place to the point they have horses and even a smithy, then the team and those watching the cam stream notice that the people are dressed in rather old fashioned clothing not to mention guards dressed in armour, they see more and more things that make the words of the old mechanic rise in everyones thoughts, the Captain orders them to return to the submarine.
After much "coversation" the Captain comes to terms and believes it nesasary to send a team into the town to gather information, one issue comes to light that the uniforms and other clothing the crew have would clearly seem odd to those in the vilage. The main character speaks up about their "collection" of armour pieces and such, the Captain remembering that the tranfer was suposidly knighted and decides to ask them to venture into the town.
The main character then goes to their room/bunk to change into their gear which is simple but well built plate armour, shield, and sword.
The main character is wished luck by the Captain before he leaves the ship and then disembarks out into the night, the character travels to the small town using the directions of the scouting team. Apon ariving he is greated by two guards (one named Rholand) who find it surprising to have a traveler at such a late hour especially one who's alone.
When asked where he came from the character says "I was sailing with a merchant ship and asked to make land so I could resuply" without much thought, then saying the ship departed. After noticing his armour one of the guards asks if he's a knight or maybe a mercinary.
He clumsily says that he is in fact a knight trying not to sound unsure, then says that he's traveling to broaden his knowledge of the world and better his swordsmenship. The same guard who asked before shifts uneasily in place before asking if the character would be able to help them with a problem they've been having. The character not sure what to say asks him what he means, they on to say that bandits have been causing trouble fo the town. Stealing small things, bothering merchants, and worst of all woman have been reported missing near and from the town.
Apon hearing this the other guard (Rholand) shifts uneasily to which the character notices but says nothing, the character is unsure of what to say or do but doesn't wish to turn down such a plee for help so first they ask why the town guard are unable to deal with the problem, the other guard shares that bandits have proven organized enough that he worries if they were to leave town in persuit it would leave the vilage with little to no able bodies to guard it from the bandits should they attack, the character asks that they be given until the next day to decide and say they will head to there camp where the ship left them. The guard seems worried and suggests against it with the bandits but the character ensures them he will be fine, the character leaves and makes for the walk back to the ship after being given a torch by the other guard to light his way.
While walking the path the character notices movement in the nearby bushes, he props the torch up and draws his sword saying that whom ever is hiding best show themselves. After some hushed arguing two men step out onto the path, adress the character as a knight as well as by name and demand that they hand over any valuebles they have to which the character replies "who said I was a knight and how'd you know my name?" to which one of the men cough and nedge the other with a "watch it" comment, the character notes that the only person he had told he was a knight were the guards and that hadn't noticed anyone listening to the conversation as he did with them just now.
One of the men says that enough is enough and demands he hand over his wealth, the character refuses stating the only things of worth with him are his armour and sword and that he would sooner part with his life then them, the men agree and attack.
After the battle the two men run and one says his dagger was made blunt after hitting the characters shield as the guards run up to the character saying they heard the fighting and came running, the one guard says that the men were some of the bandits they'd mentioned before. The character thanks them for coming and tells them that he will return in the morning and possibly with allies to help take care of the bandit problem to which Rholand looks around uneasily, this time the character takes note and says "that's wouldn't be a problem would it?" to whice Rholand responds "not at all" nervously.
The character waves them off and returns to the ship telling the Captain of what he'd seen and about the bandits, the captain doesnt want to act as it's not there fight but the character is frustrated about not being able to help. After time passes the character is aproached by two other crew members, they tell him that they want to voluntere to help them so they should talk to the Captain together, when asked later by the Captain and character what they can contribute that would be of help in such a task they claim to have training in kendo and fencing. The Captain still reluctant but not unreasonable allows the three to aid the town, but only if they agree to also look into where they are as well, the three agree of course and prepare for the day to come.
The bandit cave is shown and the two who ran away before are explaining what happened to the thei boss, he asks them if they're making it up to get off easy when a voice is heard and out walks Rholand telling them the news is true.
After the morning came the other two (one male one female, we'll call John and Kate) tried to find what they could for protection which was mostly kevlar and although that wouldn't help a great deal with blades it was better then nothing, for weapons John had a katana he had brought with him from home as a gift from his father (who ran a dojo) and Kate with a standard navy saber, neither of the weapons were of great build but they would do for now.
The group of three set out for the town and when they arived they were greated by the two guards, after introductions two townsfolks step forward (two young men) to voluntere in helping with the bandits, the characters are reluctant to except in case they were harmed but the men/boys refuse to tale no for an answer as it's their town at stake. After that's taken care of the main character turns to Rholand and presses him (both figuretivly and literaly) about how the bandits the knew he was a knight and how they had known his name as well as how he had been acting oddly, Rholand is forced to reveal he has been suplying the bandits with information about individuals of interest and how to get into town so long as they'd leae his family and the town in relitive safety.
After getting the information they need about the bandits from him the group have Rholand restrained and watched over by two others in case he were to try escaping, the group heads out towards where the bandit hideout should be. They aproach through the trees and brush and can see a single lookout standing outside of a cave entrance, the main character after some thought and hushed coversation picks up and throws a rock to distract the guard and have them leave their post to which one of the other characters (John or Kate) say "simpleton". After the bandit walk over to where the sound was the character has one of the townsfolk that tagged along to use their bow and take them out, a hushed conversation between the two townies about if he can do it to which he repies "I'm the best hunter in the vilage" and he takes the shot scoring a direct hit and the other says "oh, right in the neck"
After draging the body further into the bushes so as not to be seen the character has the other towny dress in the bandits gear and stand as lookout in his place while his friend stays in the bushes to give aid in case more show up and figure out he's not one of them, then the team of characters head inside the cave to confront the bandits and their leader.
The see a a doorman in front of what apears to be where the others are, he looks a bit tough but Kate has an idea to aproach as if she's one of the missing girls while hiding her saber. Once close she attacks and she gets a buckler from the fallen guard, then the team goes further into the cave until they see a large room and here voices, they stay out of sight to discus what to do. With no way around them the main character decides that he'll walk in first and that after the thing set in the other John and Kate will come in, and so he does.
The character walks into the open room, the bandits notice him and jump a little as their boss speaks up to the character. After hostilities begin John and Kate step out to back up the main character and the fight begins, the boss is taken aback but has no choice other then to fight as well. The character tells them it's pointless as the boss brags about how many lives he's taken with his blade, the characters point out that thay've taken out his crew and that he should simply back down and take his punishment. The Bandit says something along the lines that it should make it easy on us having three against one, the character goes quite and mumbles.
John and Kate ask what's wrong, the character tells them to step back and to not interfere with what's to come, that he'll fight the boss alone or otherwise it'd be dishonorable. The fight takes place, at the end the boss is dead with his blade broken in two. The group follow the only visible tunnel and find themselves in a smaller room with a large cell door, and inside the cell they find the missing woman from the area and vilage.
There is a jailer in the room, he begins shouting at the party until the main character throws the two broken bits of the leaders sword on the ground. The man goes quiet, drops the keys on the ground and runs out of the room never to be seen again, the group unlock the door and bring the girls out of the cave and when they see the "guard" they panic a bit until things are made clear and the other young man comes out from the bushes.
The group make their way back to town and are welcomed as you'd expect from by the vilage, all seems well until Kate brings something to the main's atension. She asks if something seems a bit odd about some of the girls they resqued when an air ship of all things flies overhead, things begin to seem more and more out of place when the John realizes that some of the bandits and even the guard in town had been speaking in a more modern English then what seemed right for the time. The main turns to the guard and asks him akwardly what year it is, he quickly tries covering that up with saying that when at sea you tend to loose track of the date.
The guard then tells him "it's the year of our lord Bob, August 15th 2012", John mumbles a "King Bob?" while trying not to laugh, another guard smacks the other on the head saying "stop calling him that, it's King Robert". The main character and Kate look at eachother nervously and agree it'd be best to head back to "camp" for the day, and so they do.... as John continues to snicker about King "Bob".
After informing the Captain about the succes of the mission and the odd things they've noticed, the Captain asks if they're sure about what they've found and goes silent after getting a big yes from them all. The Captin brings up a video that the scout team recorded while the three were dealing with the bandits, it showed that some of the townsfolk have almost pointed ears and that a couple actually had very pointed ears. There were clips of someone using what could only have been described as magic.
The characters look between eachother and the main says "as odd as it sounds, it's like we've been brought to another world rahter then another time..." to which either John or Kate reply "which still holds up with the legends that old mechanic mentioned about strange lands that seem similar and yet very difirent from our world..." and then the other the says "and if you think about how time actually works, then it seems way more possible to of gone through dimensions rather then time, which would account for the way people are acting despite the date not to mention the airship and magic..."
The Captain to say the least is uneasy with that knowledge considering the implacations of what it means for them all, when Kate chimes in "so wait, if we're in a world where there might very well be magic... then wouldn't it be possible to find a way home?"
The Captain percked up at this notion, he entrusts the three with the mission of learning more about this new world and if possible to find a way home for them all. He does this as sending any more people could leave the ship unmanigable even if they did find a way home should something happen to the team, and so the three are given the responsibility of heading out into the new and strange world that stands before them.
The team is encuraged to speak with the other crew members after being dismissed by the Captain and wished well, after that the three characters head back to town on the following day in order to find out as much as they can about they're new surroundings.
After the team get back to the vilage they begin asking around if there's anywhere they could learn more about the are as they've never been here before, they're told about a mechant caravan that's leaving for the main city of the area later today, that they were unable to do so until now because of the bandits attacking travelers. The team decides to ask the mechants if they can tag along to the city which they find out is a full days travel from the vilage, the merchants say yes as the team did resolve the bandit issue and it might make things safer having them along as well.
The group travels to the city with the caravan and along the way they hear talk about a solar eclipse the other day, the team recall the strange light that surrounded the sub and that after asking one of the merchants it is confirmed that the eclipse happended on that same day. Later while the caravan's resting the team radio back to the Captain and tell them what they've heard, the main character then suggests that checking out the area where they encountered the light and electrical issues as there may be more to it then the eclipse. Against his better judgment the Captain agrees that it's a decent idea, he informs them that they'll be leaving radio range by time they reach the city they're headed to and that fter they've gathered more information and images/video they should head back to "camp".
After the break the caravan continues on their way, the team reach the city after night fall and decide to stay with the mechants for the night and that they'll start gathering information in the morning instead of now as it's a bit late and they don't know this city.
When day comes around they find that they've slept in past noon, they gather up and head out into the city to find out what they can. While hunting for information they hear about a book shop that's said to have many kinds of books and scrolls so John and Kate decide to check it out while the main character looks into other leads.
Time goes by until it's just before the sun would start setting when while walking down a street lined with stalls and shops the character hears someone yelling above the crowd "Thief, stop them!" and he sees a shop keeper chasing a young person, the character steps in front of the "thief" and grabs them so that they don't get away.
The merchant cathes up and is out of breath, explains that they took a rare "item" from their shop and ran. The "thief" struggles saying they didn't steal it because it doesn't belong to the shop owner and that shouldn't belong to anyone, the merchant tries to get closer but stops when some guards show up. When the guards aks what they took the merchant looks nervous, the "thief" says that it's a feirry and that he was going to sell it. The guards laugh a bit but the merchant keeps sweating, the character looks down at the bottle in the "thiefs" hands and they give to the character saying to open it and then they'd understand. The merchant tries saying that it's dangerous but the guards start saying if it were then why was he selling or keeping it in the open where even a child could get at it which only lead to more sweating, the character feels the bottle hum slightly as if something alive were inside.
He looks to the merchant and is told not to open it again, the character pauses for a moment and then pops the top off the bottle which is followed by silence on the merchant and guards parts. A small voice is heard and out climbs a feirry just as the "thief" had said, the guards after catching their breath look to the merchant as he sweats and turns to run.
At which point he runs into John, the guards take him in and get the characters as well as the "thief" to come with them for the report. The sun has nearly finished setting while our team is almost finished with everything, a young woman is heard saying "what has she done this time?!" and enters the room looking worried. The "thief" runs up to her after the guard finishes explaining and hugs her, the woman looks puzzled and then notices the characters are in the room.
She intorduces herself as Lily and the "thief" as her younger sister Rose, aparently this wasn't the first time she'd tried something. She had tried to help the feirry before but she was cought, before that she tried getting the guards to help but when they got to the shop he had hidden anything they could have used against him, so they wouldn't look the next time she tried.
Lily and Rose stayed behind to talk with the guards a bit longer and the team heads out front, the three stop once outside to discus the day. John and Kate tell the main character that while in the book store they found a lot of info on the kinds of things in this word as well as an old book that talked about a "gate" of some sort that one time connected this world with another though when they asked the store owner he said it was just an old legend as far as he knew.
Lily and Rose then come outside and thank the team before starting home for the night, Rose turns back runs up to the team and thanks them again before asking where they're staying for the night. Lily tells her to not be so nosey as John akwardly asks "so where ARE we staying tonight?" to which Kate and the main character "..." in silence.
Rose asks them why don't they come home with them to which the main character says that's a bit too much to ask of the two, after a short silence Lily walks closer and says that if they need a place to sleep for the night that it'd be okay for them to stay.
The three agree hesitently and follow the girls, on the way Rose asks the main if he has a girlfriend to which he blushes a bit and responds with a no. She then asks him if he thinks her sister is cute to which Lily blushes and tells her to stop, Rose then says "aw adults are no fun".
The five of them reach the home and are welcomed inside, they're shown where they can set up to sleep. After dinner and while the teams discussing things a small voice is heard, the feirry from earlier hovers before them. She thanks the character for helping before, gets closer and then gives then a light kiss on the cheek adn telling them her name is Lemon before Rose enters the room looking for the feirry. Lily enters after her telling her to go to bed and to stop bothering the team, before Lily leaves after Rose and the feirry she tells the group that if they need anything to let her know.
After they're left alone the three start talking about things, wondering how the Captain will react to the information they've found. John brings up the point that if they ever make it back home they'll be legends, that although they probably aren't the first to find this world they'll be the first with actuall proof of the fact. The group head to bed with hope they'll find a way home, the main character however is startled by a noise after the other two had fallen asleep.
In through the door steps Lily dressed in a gown, the character sweats and blushes a bit as she steps closer. She says to him that she wants to properly thank him for helping Rose, to which he can't help but blush further and say that it isn't needed to do so. She comes closer and sits on the bed while looking away at the moon through the window, there's a silence before she asks the character what they're doing. After more silence the character tells her that he and the other two were told to find out as much about this place as possible, that they had to find a way to get home. When she asks what he means he can't help but tell her about what happened, and how they're from another world.
She doesn't seem all that surprised and instead lays atop the character seductively while asking them why they're in such a hurry to leave when they only just got here. Despite the characters insistance that she stop she leans in to kiss him when...
A thud is heard, the screen goes balck, when it fades back in it's early morning and the character's beside his bed, he had been dreaming and rolled out of bed.
This is a story/game idea that came to me late at night (as always it seems).
The story is that a Canadian submarine is doing coastal patrols when they're inveloped in a mysterios light and the machinery of the sub behaves iregularily, the character is a transfer from the UK as part of a program and they are technically of knightly status.
Durign the event the sub's sensors can't seem to pick anything up other then the fact that the light is really there by detecting photons, after the light and technical dificulties vanish the crew find that they can not contact anyone by radio or satilite.
After deciding that if the sub's systems are behaving iregularily it's best to make land and do a damage report, from the maps they have on board they can tell they should be near "random Canadian city" but when they get to land they can't see any: buildings, people, roads, planes or anything that resembles what they know of the area.
After they make land and get top-side, the Captain is told that they've double checked all systems and that there isn't anything wrong with the sub itself. Not satisfied the Captain tells them to check again and try coasting through the radio frequincies, at which point they here "it's not going to do us any good now Captain" being said by the older mechanic as he comes on deck. He explaines the old leggends of sailors being lost at sea and finding themselves in a strange land very similar and yet very difirent then the one they knew, the conversation would lead to the man insinuating that they and the crew have been hurled through time.
The Captain unable to disprove the fact orders everyone back onboard and that they wait until night fall to send out the scouting team, the captain is later told that despite trying every channel they could find there was no incoming signals. There was however a strange mix of giberish and static they couldn't make out that didn't read as a radio signal to the electronics, as time passes and night comes the scout team is sent out with night vision gear and wireless cams.
After wandering through the brush the team comes across a small vilage, they use the cams to get a closer look without giving themselves away. It apears to be a very small and simple place to the point they have horses and even a smithy, then the team and those watching the cam stream notice that the people are dressed in rather old fashioned clothing not to mention guards dressed in armour, they see more and more things that make the words of the old mechanic rise in everyones thoughts, the Captain orders them to return to the submarine.
After much "coversation" the Captain comes to terms and believes it nesasary to send a team into the town to gather information, one issue comes to light that the uniforms and other clothing the crew have would clearly seem odd to those in the vilage. The main character speaks up about their "collection" of armour pieces and such, the Captain remembering that the tranfer was suposidly knighted and decides to ask them to venture into the town.
The main character then goes to their room/bunk to change into their gear which is simple but well built plate armour, shield, and sword.
The main character is wished luck by the Captain before he leaves the ship and then disembarks out into the night, the character travels to the small town using the directions of the scouting team. Apon ariving he is greated by two guards (one named Rholand) who find it surprising to have a traveler at such a late hour especially one who's alone.
When asked where he came from the character says "I was sailing with a merchant ship and asked to make land so I could resuply" without much thought, then saying the ship departed. After noticing his armour one of the guards asks if he's a knight or maybe a mercinary.
He clumsily says that he is in fact a knight trying not to sound unsure, then says that he's traveling to broaden his knowledge of the world and better his swordsmenship. The same guard who asked before shifts uneasily in place before asking if the character would be able to help them with a problem they've been having. The character not sure what to say asks him what he means, they on to say that bandits have been causing trouble fo the town. Stealing small things, bothering merchants, and worst of all woman have been reported missing near and from the town.
Apon hearing this the other guard (Rholand) shifts uneasily to which the character notices but says nothing, the character is unsure of what to say or do but doesn't wish to turn down such a plee for help so first they ask why the town guard are unable to deal with the problem, the other guard shares that bandits have proven organized enough that he worries if they were to leave town in persuit it would leave the vilage with little to no able bodies to guard it from the bandits should they attack, the character asks that they be given until the next day to decide and say they will head to there camp where the ship left them. The guard seems worried and suggests against it with the bandits but the character ensures them he will be fine, the character leaves and makes for the walk back to the ship after being given a torch by the other guard to light his way.
While walking the path the character notices movement in the nearby bushes, he props the torch up and draws his sword saying that whom ever is hiding best show themselves. After some hushed arguing two men step out onto the path, adress the character as a knight as well as by name and demand that they hand over any valuebles they have to which the character replies "who said I was a knight and how'd you know my name?" to which one of the men cough and nedge the other with a "watch it" comment, the character notes that the only person he had told he was a knight were the guards and that hadn't noticed anyone listening to the conversation as he did with them just now.
One of the men says that enough is enough and demands he hand over his wealth, the character refuses stating the only things of worth with him are his armour and sword and that he would sooner part with his life then them, the men agree and attack.
After the battle the two men run and one says his dagger was made blunt after hitting the characters shield as the guards run up to the character saying they heard the fighting and came running, the one guard says that the men were some of the bandits they'd mentioned before. The character thanks them for coming and tells them that he will return in the morning and possibly with allies to help take care of the bandit problem to which Rholand looks around uneasily, this time the character takes note and says "that's wouldn't be a problem would it?" to whice Rholand responds "not at all" nervously.
The character waves them off and returns to the ship telling the Captain of what he'd seen and about the bandits, the captain doesnt want to act as it's not there fight but the character is frustrated about not being able to help. After time passes the character is aproached by two other crew members, they tell him that they want to voluntere to help them so they should talk to the Captain together, when asked later by the Captain and character what they can contribute that would be of help in such a task they claim to have training in kendo and fencing. The Captain still reluctant but not unreasonable allows the three to aid the town, but only if they agree to also look into where they are as well, the three agree of course and prepare for the day to come.
The bandit cave is shown and the two who ran away before are explaining what happened to the thei boss, he asks them if they're making it up to get off easy when a voice is heard and out walks Rholand telling them the news is true.
After the morning came the other two (one male one female, we'll call John and Kate) tried to find what they could for protection which was mostly kevlar and although that wouldn't help a great deal with blades it was better then nothing, for weapons John had a katana he had brought with him from home as a gift from his father (who ran a dojo) and Kate with a standard navy saber, neither of the weapons were of great build but they would do for now.
The group of three set out for the town and when they arived they were greated by the two guards, after introductions two townsfolks step forward (two young men) to voluntere in helping with the bandits, the characters are reluctant to except in case they were harmed but the men/boys refuse to tale no for an answer as it's their town at stake. After that's taken care of the main character turns to Rholand and presses him (both figuretivly and literaly) about how the bandits the knew he was a knight and how they had known his name as well as how he had been acting oddly, Rholand is forced to reveal he has been suplying the bandits with information about individuals of interest and how to get into town so long as they'd leae his family and the town in relitive safety.
After getting the information they need about the bandits from him the group have Rholand restrained and watched over by two others in case he were to try escaping, the group heads out towards where the bandit hideout should be. They aproach through the trees and brush and can see a single lookout standing outside of a cave entrance, the main character after some thought and hushed coversation picks up and throws a rock to distract the guard and have them leave their post to which one of the other characters (John or Kate) say "simpleton". After the bandit walk over to where the sound was the character has one of the townsfolk that tagged along to use their bow and take them out, a hushed conversation between the two townies about if he can do it to which he repies "I'm the best hunter in the vilage" and he takes the shot scoring a direct hit and the other says "oh, right in the neck"
After draging the body further into the bushes so as not to be seen the character has the other towny dress in the bandits gear and stand as lookout in his place while his friend stays in the bushes to give aid in case more show up and figure out he's not one of them, then the team of characters head inside the cave to confront the bandits and their leader.
The see a a doorman in front of what apears to be where the others are, he looks a bit tough but Kate has an idea to aproach as if she's one of the missing girls while hiding her saber. Once close she attacks and she gets a buckler from the fallen guard, then the team goes further into the cave until they see a large room and here voices, they stay out of sight to discus what to do. With no way around them the main character decides that he'll walk in first and that after the thing set in the other John and Kate will come in, and so he does.
The character walks into the open room, the bandits notice him and jump a little as their boss speaks up to the character. After hostilities begin John and Kate step out to back up the main character and the fight begins, the boss is taken aback but has no choice other then to fight as well. The character tells them it's pointless as the boss brags about how many lives he's taken with his blade, the characters point out that thay've taken out his crew and that he should simply back down and take his punishment. The Bandit says something along the lines that it should make it easy on us having three against one, the character goes quite and mumbles.
John and Kate ask what's wrong, the character tells them to step back and to not interfere with what's to come, that he'll fight the boss alone or otherwise it'd be dishonorable. The fight takes place, at the end the boss is dead with his blade broken in two. The group follow the only visible tunnel and find themselves in a smaller room with a large cell door, and inside the cell they find the missing woman from the area and vilage.
There is a jailer in the room, he begins shouting at the party until the main character throws the two broken bits of the leaders sword on the ground. The man goes quiet, drops the keys on the ground and runs out of the room never to be seen again, the group unlock the door and bring the girls out of the cave and when they see the "guard" they panic a bit until things are made clear and the other young man comes out from the bushes.
The group make their way back to town and are welcomed as you'd expect from by the vilage, all seems well until Kate brings something to the main's atension. She asks if something seems a bit odd about some of the girls they resqued when an air ship of all things flies overhead, things begin to seem more and more out of place when the John realizes that some of the bandits and even the guard in town had been speaking in a more modern English then what seemed right for the time. The main turns to the guard and asks him akwardly what year it is, he quickly tries covering that up with saying that when at sea you tend to loose track of the date.
The guard then tells him "it's the year of our lord Bob, August 15th 2012", John mumbles a "King Bob?" while trying not to laugh, another guard smacks the other on the head saying "stop calling him that, it's King Robert". The main character and Kate look at eachother nervously and agree it'd be best to head back to "camp" for the day, and so they do.... as John continues to snicker about King "Bob".
After informing the Captain about the succes of the mission and the odd things they've noticed, the Captain asks if they're sure about what they've found and goes silent after getting a big yes from them all. The Captin brings up a video that the scout team recorded while the three were dealing with the bandits, it showed that some of the townsfolk have almost pointed ears and that a couple actually had very pointed ears. There were clips of someone using what could only have been described as magic.
The characters look between eachother and the main says "as odd as it sounds, it's like we've been brought to another world rahter then another time..." to which either John or Kate reply "which still holds up with the legends that old mechanic mentioned about strange lands that seem similar and yet very difirent from our world..." and then the other the says "and if you think about how time actually works, then it seems way more possible to of gone through dimensions rather then time, which would account for the way people are acting despite the date not to mention the airship and magic..."
The Captain to say the least is uneasy with that knowledge considering the implacations of what it means for them all, when Kate chimes in "so wait, if we're in a world where there might very well be magic... then wouldn't it be possible to find a way home?"
The Captain percked up at this notion, he entrusts the three with the mission of learning more about this new world and if possible to find a way home for them all. He does this as sending any more people could leave the ship unmanigable even if they did find a way home should something happen to the team, and so the three are given the responsibility of heading out into the new and strange world that stands before them.
The team is encuraged to speak with the other crew members after being dismissed by the Captain and wished well, after that the three characters head back to town on the following day in order to find out as much as they can about they're new surroundings.
After the team get back to the vilage they begin asking around if there's anywhere they could learn more about the are as they've never been here before, they're told about a mechant caravan that's leaving for the main city of the area later today, that they were unable to do so until now because of the bandits attacking travelers. The team decides to ask the mechants if they can tag along to the city which they find out is a full days travel from the vilage, the merchants say yes as the team did resolve the bandit issue and it might make things safer having them along as well.
The group travels to the city with the caravan and along the way they hear talk about a solar eclipse the other day, the team recall the strange light that surrounded the sub and that after asking one of the merchants it is confirmed that the eclipse happended on that same day. Later while the caravan's resting the team radio back to the Captain and tell them what they've heard, the main character then suggests that checking out the area where they encountered the light and electrical issues as there may be more to it then the eclipse. Against his better judgment the Captain agrees that it's a decent idea, he informs them that they'll be leaving radio range by time they reach the city they're headed to and that fter they've gathered more information and images/video they should head back to "camp".
After the break the caravan continues on their way, the team reach the city after night fall and decide to stay with the mechants for the night and that they'll start gathering information in the morning instead of now as it's a bit late and they don't know this city.
When day comes around they find that they've slept in past noon, they gather up and head out into the city to find out what they can. While hunting for information they hear about a book shop that's said to have many kinds of books and scrolls so John and Kate decide to check it out while the main character looks into other leads.
Time goes by until it's just before the sun would start setting when while walking down a street lined with stalls and shops the character hears someone yelling above the crowd "Thief, stop them!" and he sees a shop keeper chasing a young person, the character steps in front of the "thief" and grabs them so that they don't get away.
The merchant cathes up and is out of breath, explains that they took a rare "item" from their shop and ran. The "thief" struggles saying they didn't steal it because it doesn't belong to the shop owner and that shouldn't belong to anyone, the merchant tries to get closer but stops when some guards show up. When the guards aks what they took the merchant looks nervous, the "thief" says that it's a feirry and that he was going to sell it. The guards laugh a bit but the merchant keeps sweating, the character looks down at the bottle in the "thiefs" hands and they give to the character saying to open it and then they'd understand. The merchant tries saying that it's dangerous but the guards start saying if it were then why was he selling or keeping it in the open where even a child could get at it which only lead to more sweating, the character feels the bottle hum slightly as if something alive were inside.
He looks to the merchant and is told not to open it again, the character pauses for a moment and then pops the top off the bottle which is followed by silence on the merchant and guards parts. A small voice is heard and out climbs a feirry just as the "thief" had said, the guards after catching their breath look to the merchant as he sweats and turns to run.
At which point he runs into John, the guards take him in and get the characters as well as the "thief" to come with them for the report. The sun has nearly finished setting while our team is almost finished with everything, a young woman is heard saying "what has she done this time?!" and enters the room looking worried. The "thief" runs up to her after the guard finishes explaining and hugs her, the woman looks puzzled and then notices the characters are in the room.
She intorduces herself as Lily and the "thief" as her younger sister Rose, aparently this wasn't the first time she'd tried something. She had tried to help the feirry before but she was cought, before that she tried getting the guards to help but when they got to the shop he had hidden anything they could have used against him, so they wouldn't look the next time she tried.
Lily and Rose stayed behind to talk with the guards a bit longer and the team heads out front, the three stop once outside to discus the day. John and Kate tell the main character that while in the book store they found a lot of info on the kinds of things in this word as well as an old book that talked about a "gate" of some sort that one time connected this world with another though when they asked the store owner he said it was just an old legend as far as he knew.
Lily and Rose then come outside and thank the team before starting home for the night, Rose turns back runs up to the team and thanks them again before asking where they're staying for the night. Lily tells her to not be so nosey as John akwardly asks "so where ARE we staying tonight?" to which Kate and the main character "..." in silence.
Rose asks them why don't they come home with them to which the main character says that's a bit too much to ask of the two, after a short silence Lily walks closer and says that if they need a place to sleep for the night that it'd be okay for them to stay.
The three agree hesitently and follow the girls, on the way Rose asks the main if he has a girlfriend to which he blushes a bit and responds with a no. She then asks him if he thinks her sister is cute to which Lily blushes and tells her to stop, Rose then says "aw adults are no fun".
The five of them reach the home and are welcomed inside, they're shown where they can set up to sleep. After dinner and while the teams discussing things a small voice is heard, the feirry from earlier hovers before them. She thanks the character for helping before, gets closer and then gives then a light kiss on the cheek adn telling them her name is Lemon before Rose enters the room looking for the feirry. Lily enters after her telling her to go to bed and to stop bothering the team, before Lily leaves after Rose and the feirry she tells the group that if they need anything to let her know.
After they're left alone the three start talking about things, wondering how the Captain will react to the information they've found. John brings up the point that if they ever make it back home they'll be legends, that although they probably aren't the first to find this world they'll be the first with actuall proof of the fact. The group head to bed with hope they'll find a way home, the main character however is startled by a noise after the other two had fallen asleep.
In through the door steps Lily dressed in a gown, the character sweats and blushes a bit as she steps closer. She says to him that she wants to properly thank him for helping Rose, to which he can't help but blush further and say that it isn't needed to do so. She comes closer and sits on the bed while looking away at the moon through the window, there's a silence before she asks the character what they're doing. After more silence the character tells her that he and the other two were told to find out as much about this place as possible, that they had to find a way to get home. When she asks what he means he can't help but tell her about what happened, and how they're from another world.
She doesn't seem all that surprised and instead lays atop the character seductively while asking them why they're in such a hurry to leave when they only just got here. Despite the characters insistance that she stop she leans in to kiss him when...
A thud is heard, the screen goes balck, when it fades back in it's early morning and the character's beside his bed, he had been dreaming and rolled out of bed.
-
RennisTora
- Templar GrandMaster
- Posts: 645
- Joined: Mon Jan 23, 2012 5:14 am
- Location: Canada
Re: Looking for feedback, NWC in mind.
This one is newer (from this year) so hopefully it has less spelling mistakes and the like, still a game script though so it's simple.
It's also becoming obvious to me that this post system doesn't like my lines, stupid NotePad files...
A story about an elf princess who was to be queen, when her trusted chancellor turns on her taking the throne and banishing her from the realm.
(This is possibly shown in game, but originally thought to be told in text by the character herself?)
Our story begins with the main character at home on the night of a full moon, he can't sleep and decides to go for a walk.
He finds himself in the nearby park where he hears and then sees what looks like a couple of guys harassing someone, he finds this to be a girl by the voice.
He comes up to the group and he smacks one when they get uppity and then both run off, he goes to make sure that the girl is okay when he takes note
of how odd her appearance is (hooded cloak and such) and when bends down to check her face (that she's okay) she pulls back and her hood drops
to reveal that she is in fact an elf, he stands there without saying a word for a moment which to her feels like an eternity and just when
she thinks he's going to say something like "ERMAGEWD AN ELF" he says how pretty she is, after an awkward pause she points out her ears
thinking he didn't see them and he just brushes it off like "oh yeah, that too" and she's just kind of surprised.
After a short explanation as to what/why/where/who (she is Liliana, he Thorion) he invites her to his home as she's obviously been through a lot, tired and relieved she excepts.
(Cut to home interior)
The two walk in, he is trying his best to make her feel at-ease by offering somewhere to sit when her stomach growls and he heads to the kitchen.
The two sit and talk as they eat, mostly about her story and the like as well he telling her where she is now.
He swears to her that regardless of what she decides that he will support her as best he can, be that letting her stay in his home or helping her find her way home.
The two part and sleep for the night, (potentially a dream/flash back for her to show what happened?) when morning comes he is making breakfast/lunch
and she enters the kitchen once more as he places food on the table, after some silent eating he cleans the table and says he wishes to show her something.
He takes into the back yard, it is inside a high stone privacy wall, it has a very natural feel with flowers and weeds alike, vines, and a large old tree.
She is taken aback by the sight which contradicted the strange things she had seen since coming to this world, she remains silent after that only to say
that how much it reminded her of an old garden back home though smaller, he expresses his regret for reminding her just how far she is from home.
He swears to her once more, that if she should choose to stay that she is more than welcome, that if she should choose to go home and confront
what awaits her that he will do everything in his power to help her even if that means joining her in her quest and fighting alongside her.
She is taken aback once again at his blind honesty and questions his reasoning, he informs her that in his world there is little need for one such as he.
He confirms with her that he will help her in any way he can, she questions if she even has the right to return, if her people even miss her, even want her.
He tells her that if she were to stay in his world, what would happen to those who did wish for her return, what if the chancellor was a tyrant
and her people truly needed her, could she live with herself knowing that might be the case?
I'd thought of them having a conversation about the tree in particular something like how he always thought dearly of them and felt out of place for it,
about how he felt a warmth when touching healthy old trees that he couldn't explain to others and that Liliana would then confide in him that
is something all but a few elves have, that it is something that can not be taught and for a human to have it is beyond odd.
That one of the only explanations would be that at some point elf blood had entered his family line.
This is something he'd always halfheartedly thought about in the past, as to why he felt so out of place amongst his own kind.
He was more excited at the possibility as if to explain a part of his life rather than being shocked or confused by it.
The day passes, time passes, we inevitably come to the scene of her resolving to return home and fighting her selfish urge to remain in his world
away from the dangers and responsibilities of her own, she can not leave her people and what little friends she left behind, she can not allow this continue.
She had informed him that the spell that brought her there can only be cast on a full moon night, they have been preparing for this night.
He has left what little he had to those he'll be leaving in this world as he is unsure if he will ever return, anything else he has sold and used to
purchase gold, silver, and copper to be melted down into molds he had made of a few coins she'd had on her person for when they're in the other world.
One might say "that's counterfeiting!" and they would be right to an extent, however given the situation one could argue it a necessary evil.
Her world doesn't have a set system like ours with bar codes and serial numbers, if it's the right metal and in the right shape it's valuable all the same.
It's not enough to upset the markets of their world or cause inflation and the like, it's enough to live off of when they get there until they can make more honestly.
They make ready and as the night draws upon them, they enter the rear yard under the full moons light, she hesitates for a moment before a armour clad hand
rests on her shoulder, she continues and once the spell has been cast they walk into the portal still unsure of what to expect on the other side.
(transition through portal)
The two are standing on a hill, it is still night, they get their bearings begin to ponder where they should go.
In the distance they see lights, a village, they make their way down the hill to a well traveled road and begin to approach the lights mindfully.
As they grow nearer they can see two guards outside the town wall as they too notice our party, the two walk up not quickly yet not slowly to the guards.
They stop and chat letting her take the lead as he processes everything that's happening, the guards wave them and return to their watch.
The two walk into town and begin with looking for an inn for the night, after finding the inn they head inside to call it a night.
In the morning they have a meal in the tavern on the ground floor of the inn and then head out into town to look for supplies.
After purchasing a map ad figuring out where they are (the township of Tristrum) their next step is to then look for safe passage to the next area,
after talking around they find that merchants make trips from town to town on occasion and that they should speak with "The Guild" to see if
any have put up jobs looking for caravan guards and the like, they do so and discover that there is one heading that very day.
They stock up on things they'll need and head over to the meet up spot the guild clerk mentioned, the merchants find the main characters size
and gear assuring as well as Lilianas' healing and green magic so they agree to hire them without further question thanks to the guilds recommendation.
(If this is a game then the player would have the option of grinding outside of town before moving on to the next area.)
A scene of the two with the merchants having set up a camp, the journey to the next town is uneventful.
They part with the merchants after entering the next town and are paid, they begin looking around and are told that the next
merchant who is hiring guards won't be heading out for another two days so have little else to do other than to sit around.
The same day they arrive the main character catches a pick pocket trying to get some coin out his pouch.
They are a small cat-folk wearing little in ways of fashion, as the girl panics thinking she'll be turned in or worse
he kneels down and pats her on the head and then boops her nose gently (or vice versa) to which she seems dumbfounded and goes silent.
He reaches into his pouch and then holds out his hand with something clenched in his grip, she slowly extends her own hands
and he places in her palm a number of coins (the player will get the option of how many) and she will look ecstatic.
the character then says to her and softly and gently as he can (big guy, big voice) that he doesn't want to hear about her doing
something like that again, not many would be as kind about it as he had so if anything he'd be worried for her safety.
She nods profusely, hugs and than thanks him before bounding off, the character gets back up and goes about the day.
The next day while walking in near some shops he hears a small voice followed by a woman's voice behind him, he turns and is
greeted by the young girl from the other day and whom would look to be their mother.
She begins tanking the main character many times while the girl stands there beside/behind her, she tells the character that the money
they gave them helped to pay for a doctor to come visit their home and safe the life of one of her children.
After some more gratitude comes something that embarrasses the character and the girl when her mother offers her hand (the girls)
as thanks for what they've done for the family, they character taking a closer look at the girl can only really say that she seems
far too young to be married off especially to someone they hardly know and the two looked a little perplexed (medieval fantasy world).
The mother explains that she's 15 and plenty happy about the idea, the character perhaps say something about thinking she was younger.
Perhaps the player is given a choice as to whether they'll simply except then and there or insist that's it not possible, also perhaps
if the player refuses they then don't get the girl as a party member (turns out to be an archer) and will hae to wait until the next
area for a chance at another new party member, either way the character returns to Liliana and times passes further.
The day that the merchant will be leaving has come and so the party head out to meet the merchant(s) and prepare to leave,
assuming the cat girl (Miu) is with the group the three head out with the caravan and to the next town.
The journey is uneventful and another camp scene is seen, the next town is a small and more a hamlet.
Upon arriving at the next town the group is greeted by an odd figure, a canine girl in armour and holding a spear.
While the group chats and the merchants pass the girl drops a bombshell of a question by asking for papers, the party look
confused and Liliana doesn't seem to know much more that the character while Miu seems perplexed that we don't have any.
The guard explains her own confusion as to how we hadn't needed them before now considering both the character and Liliana
seem to be from farther lands with well dressed outfits and gear, the character remembers placing his identification in his
bag when leaving home as he saw no reason to not bring it and ask if it was possible to then get papers.
The guard agrees to escort the party to the local guild hall where they can try to get papers (only one needs them for the group?)
and while at the guild the clerk and the guard make comments on how odd the characters ID looks, like nothing they'd seen before.
The clerk accepts it as valid Identification only because it seems expensive and of high quality if not odd.
While the papers are being prepared the guard begins to eye the party oddly, especially the character.
She begins to say something like "Are you..." to which the two go silent (Miu doesn't know) as she finished with "a foreign noble!?".
Silence fills the room, what was at first panic is now near bemusement on the characters part as he goes over the process in his
head and how to answer, on one hand his family's been common for generation while on the other they were noble in the past
and he does come from a good background and education, he has money and land (just the house really) and his both his
gear and manner of education would suggest a valuable upbringing, so he simply answers with a "I suppose I am".
He may very well have said those things out-loud as to bring the group up to speed along with him, the guard who soon introduces
herself as Luna seems to beam with this new found knowledge which seems slightly odd to the character being from a common world/time.
The papers will take a while longer and so the group head for the inn/tavern accompanied by Luna whom they insisted on treating (heh)
as she had not only treated them fairly when they said they had no papers but also helped them in getting them.
On the way to the inn a half orc drunkard strolls up spouting derogatory remarks at Luna while the group look on in confusion,
Luna stands there trying to talk the drunk down while keeping her calm but he just keeps drilling in comments until
the party notice how she seems to shaking (anger I assume) and trying to keep her cool, once the drunk crosses the line
and much to the groups surprise it's not Luna but the character that lets a fist fly, square into the chest-plate of the half orc
sending him rolling backwards and onto his back with a thud, the drunk starts to slowly get up when he finds his plate's been
dented in from the punch and he looks up to take a better look at what's happening when he sees the character who stands above him
by at least a foot with fist still in the air for another one if he tries it again, the drunk scrambles to his feet and runs off.
Everyone but mostly Luna is bewildered by what just happened, no one has seen him do anything like that until now and were
taking note of how strong he would have to be to dent a cuirass like that even if it was low quality.
While eating they talk about where they're headed to (the elf capital, they started in human lands and are now in the Demilands) and are
more or less half way there, Luna seems intrigued as she's lived her whole life in this little town (Pawkiwak).
The two were trying to put common sense into Mius' head about their journey being dangerous possibly deadly when the character
cracks out a bombshell of his own in that he has no family waiting for him back home, he's the last of his bloodline.
The others just look at him in silence for a moment before starting up on how he'd never mentioned this until now or that
he must be mad if he's going off on and adventure of this level knowing he may not have a chance to pass on the blood.
He explains as best as he can about his "homeland" and that if it weren't for Liliana he'd still be living a meaningless life
there, that he only found a purpose in this journey and that regardless of how sad that outcome might be, he'd rather do something with his life.
An awkward silence hangs about until the group goes to their rooms for the night, instead of sleeping the character then goes out
for some cool night air and finds a grassy spot to sit alone under the night sky, after a time of silence Luna comes into frame
and approaches the character, at first commenting that they shouldn't be out alone like that at night and sits down beside them.
Mindless banter and chatter aside the character tells of how he met Liliana (more or less, world hopping omitted etcetera) and that
she's a full noble unlike him and that this journey of theirs really is going to become more dangerous as they get closer to her home.
He does not tell her of Liliana being royalty as that would complicate matters, however she seems to already suspect it much like
she suspected him of being from a foreign land and having a good upbringing on par with that of a noble.
He tells her of how he was more or less a complete commoner in all respects but between his own personality and knowledge of his
family history he felt that couldn't just leave her be and decided to help her regardless of where that went.
He was thankful that Liliana came into his life, is she hadn't then who knows where he would have ended up never knowing many
of the things he now knows such his possible elven ancestry or that he simply feels like he has a reason to keep going now
other than to simply carry on his bloodline for the sake it alone, Luna seems almost smitten with him at this point.
He stands to go and after a short goodbye does exactly that leaving Luna on the grass looking up at the night sky.
Morning comes and the papers have been completed, the group is making ready to leave with the merchants by the gate when
Luna comes running up beside them, a look of determination in her eyes as the group wonder what's happening.
She tells them that she has decided to o company them on their journey, that she has already made ready her leave and
shall take no for an answer, that she will follow them even if they refuse.
The group reluctantly except at first but are themselves happy to have another traveling companion, the two are still
worried about taking yet another with them when they don't even know if they'll live through this quest but still.
We see scenes of the caravan camping and then traveling when bandits attack, first boss fight perhaps?
The party and caravan arrive at the next town which is close to the border entering the elf lands, they part with the merchants.
The guild informs them that few merchants cross the border for trade and as such they will most likely be making that
journey on their own and so they should be sure to stock up on supplies and plan their course well.
(More grinding around town I'd assume to prepare the party for what's to come after entering the new area.)
Once the party has made up their minds about continuing they leave town for the border and cross into
the elflands after dealing with a border checkpoint and presenting their new papers.
When the party eventually makes it to the next town along their course Liliana begins to talk more about their destination,
a town with a lord the rules it (who is her uncle) and that if all goes well will help them in their travel to the
capital of the elf territory, if not then they will have to cross that bridge when they come to it.
After they've stayed a day and made ready to leave to on their own this time they depart and head in the direction of
a forest path that will lead to the town and estate they seek, along the way they hear a cry as a fairy comes
flying towards them and hides herself with them, they attempt to ask what has happened and all the fairy can muster
is "M-... My sisters, It.. It ate them..." when a loud sound is heard approaching as a large black beetle comes
into view, it isn't normal at all even if the size wasn't odd, it appears demonic in nature, a Hell Beetle or the like.
The party battle the beetle (heh) and after it dies it leaves behind it's armour plates along with (most) the fairies.
Luna notes that the plating should be worth a considerable price given the rarity of the creature and so they bag them.
The characters' blade has been snapped and is now useless, seeing this and wishing to thank the party the fairies ask
that they follow them to their home grove, there they resent a sacred blade that none but a hero may draw.
Reluctantly the character approaches and grabs at the sword with both hands, much to his and the others surprise it
comes free and is now held by the character with relative ease despite it's size and having been stuck.
The fairies rejoice one again only this time for their "hero" whom seems a bit bewildered yet bemused by this.
Upon nearing the edge of the forest the same fairy that had come to them for aid appears saying that they were
told to escort us and join us on our journey (they do not fight in battle) and though concerned for her the party
agrees on the condition that she run and hide should something happen, the fairy rejoices once more and "joins" the party.
After leaving the forest the party can see the town in the distance just barely, as they come closer however it would seem
that something is off about the estate nearby the town, the character pulls out an eye piece or monocular etcetera and looks
as best they can at the estate, is seems that a fire had taken place but that there were workers making repairs.
Liliana is flustered and tries to hurry but is stopped, if there are workers repairing the damage then her uncle is most
likely safe and well, regardless running all the way to town and tiring themselves would help no one.
The party collects itself and continues onwards with a good bit of travel still before them.
It's also becoming obvious to me that this post system doesn't like my lines, stupid NotePad files...
A story about an elf princess who was to be queen, when her trusted chancellor turns on her taking the throne and banishing her from the realm.
(This is possibly shown in game, but originally thought to be told in text by the character herself?)
Our story begins with the main character at home on the night of a full moon, he can't sleep and decides to go for a walk.
He finds himself in the nearby park where he hears and then sees what looks like a couple of guys harassing someone, he finds this to be a girl by the voice.
He comes up to the group and he smacks one when they get uppity and then both run off, he goes to make sure that the girl is okay when he takes note
of how odd her appearance is (hooded cloak and such) and when bends down to check her face (that she's okay) she pulls back and her hood drops
to reveal that she is in fact an elf, he stands there without saying a word for a moment which to her feels like an eternity and just when
she thinks he's going to say something like "ERMAGEWD AN ELF" he says how pretty she is, after an awkward pause she points out her ears
thinking he didn't see them and he just brushes it off like "oh yeah, that too" and she's just kind of surprised.
After a short explanation as to what/why/where/who (she is Liliana, he Thorion) he invites her to his home as she's obviously been through a lot, tired and relieved she excepts.
(Cut to home interior)
The two walk in, he is trying his best to make her feel at-ease by offering somewhere to sit when her stomach growls and he heads to the kitchen.
The two sit and talk as they eat, mostly about her story and the like as well he telling her where she is now.
He swears to her that regardless of what she decides that he will support her as best he can, be that letting her stay in his home or helping her find her way home.
The two part and sleep for the night, (potentially a dream/flash back for her to show what happened?) when morning comes he is making breakfast/lunch
and she enters the kitchen once more as he places food on the table, after some silent eating he cleans the table and says he wishes to show her something.
He takes into the back yard, it is inside a high stone privacy wall, it has a very natural feel with flowers and weeds alike, vines, and a large old tree.
She is taken aback by the sight which contradicted the strange things she had seen since coming to this world, she remains silent after that only to say
that how much it reminded her of an old garden back home though smaller, he expresses his regret for reminding her just how far she is from home.
He swears to her once more, that if she should choose to stay that she is more than welcome, that if she should choose to go home and confront
what awaits her that he will do everything in his power to help her even if that means joining her in her quest and fighting alongside her.
She is taken aback once again at his blind honesty and questions his reasoning, he informs her that in his world there is little need for one such as he.
He confirms with her that he will help her in any way he can, she questions if she even has the right to return, if her people even miss her, even want her.
He tells her that if she were to stay in his world, what would happen to those who did wish for her return, what if the chancellor was a tyrant
and her people truly needed her, could she live with herself knowing that might be the case?
I'd thought of them having a conversation about the tree in particular something like how he always thought dearly of them and felt out of place for it,
about how he felt a warmth when touching healthy old trees that he couldn't explain to others and that Liliana would then confide in him that
is something all but a few elves have, that it is something that can not be taught and for a human to have it is beyond odd.
That one of the only explanations would be that at some point elf blood had entered his family line.
This is something he'd always halfheartedly thought about in the past, as to why he felt so out of place amongst his own kind.
He was more excited at the possibility as if to explain a part of his life rather than being shocked or confused by it.
The day passes, time passes, we inevitably come to the scene of her resolving to return home and fighting her selfish urge to remain in his world
away from the dangers and responsibilities of her own, she can not leave her people and what little friends she left behind, she can not allow this continue.
She had informed him that the spell that brought her there can only be cast on a full moon night, they have been preparing for this night.
He has left what little he had to those he'll be leaving in this world as he is unsure if he will ever return, anything else he has sold and used to
purchase gold, silver, and copper to be melted down into molds he had made of a few coins she'd had on her person for when they're in the other world.
One might say "that's counterfeiting!" and they would be right to an extent, however given the situation one could argue it a necessary evil.
Her world doesn't have a set system like ours with bar codes and serial numbers, if it's the right metal and in the right shape it's valuable all the same.
It's not enough to upset the markets of their world or cause inflation and the like, it's enough to live off of when they get there until they can make more honestly.
They make ready and as the night draws upon them, they enter the rear yard under the full moons light, she hesitates for a moment before a armour clad hand
rests on her shoulder, she continues and once the spell has been cast they walk into the portal still unsure of what to expect on the other side.
(transition through portal)
The two are standing on a hill, it is still night, they get their bearings begin to ponder where they should go.
In the distance they see lights, a village, they make their way down the hill to a well traveled road and begin to approach the lights mindfully.
As they grow nearer they can see two guards outside the town wall as they too notice our party, the two walk up not quickly yet not slowly to the guards.
They stop and chat letting her take the lead as he processes everything that's happening, the guards wave them and return to their watch.
The two walk into town and begin with looking for an inn for the night, after finding the inn they head inside to call it a night.
In the morning they have a meal in the tavern on the ground floor of the inn and then head out into town to look for supplies.
After purchasing a map ad figuring out where they are (the township of Tristrum) their next step is to then look for safe passage to the next area,
after talking around they find that merchants make trips from town to town on occasion and that they should speak with "The Guild" to see if
any have put up jobs looking for caravan guards and the like, they do so and discover that there is one heading that very day.
They stock up on things they'll need and head over to the meet up spot the guild clerk mentioned, the merchants find the main characters size
and gear assuring as well as Lilianas' healing and green magic so they agree to hire them without further question thanks to the guilds recommendation.
(If this is a game then the player would have the option of grinding outside of town before moving on to the next area.)
A scene of the two with the merchants having set up a camp, the journey to the next town is uneventful.
They part with the merchants after entering the next town and are paid, they begin looking around and are told that the next
merchant who is hiring guards won't be heading out for another two days so have little else to do other than to sit around.
The same day they arrive the main character catches a pick pocket trying to get some coin out his pouch.
They are a small cat-folk wearing little in ways of fashion, as the girl panics thinking she'll be turned in or worse
he kneels down and pats her on the head and then boops her nose gently (or vice versa) to which she seems dumbfounded and goes silent.
He reaches into his pouch and then holds out his hand with something clenched in his grip, she slowly extends her own hands
and he places in her palm a number of coins (the player will get the option of how many) and she will look ecstatic.
the character then says to her and softly and gently as he can (big guy, big voice) that he doesn't want to hear about her doing
something like that again, not many would be as kind about it as he had so if anything he'd be worried for her safety.
She nods profusely, hugs and than thanks him before bounding off, the character gets back up and goes about the day.
The next day while walking in near some shops he hears a small voice followed by a woman's voice behind him, he turns and is
greeted by the young girl from the other day and whom would look to be their mother.
She begins tanking the main character many times while the girl stands there beside/behind her, she tells the character that the money
they gave them helped to pay for a doctor to come visit their home and safe the life of one of her children.
After some more gratitude comes something that embarrasses the character and the girl when her mother offers her hand (the girls)
as thanks for what they've done for the family, they character taking a closer look at the girl can only really say that she seems
far too young to be married off especially to someone they hardly know and the two looked a little perplexed (medieval fantasy world).
The mother explains that she's 15 and plenty happy about the idea, the character perhaps say something about thinking she was younger.
Perhaps the player is given a choice as to whether they'll simply except then and there or insist that's it not possible, also perhaps
if the player refuses they then don't get the girl as a party member (turns out to be an archer) and will hae to wait until the next
area for a chance at another new party member, either way the character returns to Liliana and times passes further.
The day that the merchant will be leaving has come and so the party head out to meet the merchant(s) and prepare to leave,
assuming the cat girl (Miu) is with the group the three head out with the caravan and to the next town.
The journey is uneventful and another camp scene is seen, the next town is a small and more a hamlet.
Upon arriving at the next town the group is greeted by an odd figure, a canine girl in armour and holding a spear.
While the group chats and the merchants pass the girl drops a bombshell of a question by asking for papers, the party look
confused and Liliana doesn't seem to know much more that the character while Miu seems perplexed that we don't have any.
The guard explains her own confusion as to how we hadn't needed them before now considering both the character and Liliana
seem to be from farther lands with well dressed outfits and gear, the character remembers placing his identification in his
bag when leaving home as he saw no reason to not bring it and ask if it was possible to then get papers.
The guard agrees to escort the party to the local guild hall where they can try to get papers (only one needs them for the group?)
and while at the guild the clerk and the guard make comments on how odd the characters ID looks, like nothing they'd seen before.
The clerk accepts it as valid Identification only because it seems expensive and of high quality if not odd.
While the papers are being prepared the guard begins to eye the party oddly, especially the character.
She begins to say something like "Are you..." to which the two go silent (Miu doesn't know) as she finished with "a foreign noble!?".
Silence fills the room, what was at first panic is now near bemusement on the characters part as he goes over the process in his
head and how to answer, on one hand his family's been common for generation while on the other they were noble in the past
and he does come from a good background and education, he has money and land (just the house really) and his both his
gear and manner of education would suggest a valuable upbringing, so he simply answers with a "I suppose I am".
He may very well have said those things out-loud as to bring the group up to speed along with him, the guard who soon introduces
herself as Luna seems to beam with this new found knowledge which seems slightly odd to the character being from a common world/time.
The papers will take a while longer and so the group head for the inn/tavern accompanied by Luna whom they insisted on treating (heh)
as she had not only treated them fairly when they said they had no papers but also helped them in getting them.
On the way to the inn a half orc drunkard strolls up spouting derogatory remarks at Luna while the group look on in confusion,
Luna stands there trying to talk the drunk down while keeping her calm but he just keeps drilling in comments until
the party notice how she seems to shaking (anger I assume) and trying to keep her cool, once the drunk crosses the line
and much to the groups surprise it's not Luna but the character that lets a fist fly, square into the chest-plate of the half orc
sending him rolling backwards and onto his back with a thud, the drunk starts to slowly get up when he finds his plate's been
dented in from the punch and he looks up to take a better look at what's happening when he sees the character who stands above him
by at least a foot with fist still in the air for another one if he tries it again, the drunk scrambles to his feet and runs off.
Everyone but mostly Luna is bewildered by what just happened, no one has seen him do anything like that until now and were
taking note of how strong he would have to be to dent a cuirass like that even if it was low quality.
While eating they talk about where they're headed to (the elf capital, they started in human lands and are now in the Demilands) and are
more or less half way there, Luna seems intrigued as she's lived her whole life in this little town (Pawkiwak).
The two were trying to put common sense into Mius' head about their journey being dangerous possibly deadly when the character
cracks out a bombshell of his own in that he has no family waiting for him back home, he's the last of his bloodline.
The others just look at him in silence for a moment before starting up on how he'd never mentioned this until now or that
he must be mad if he's going off on and adventure of this level knowing he may not have a chance to pass on the blood.
He explains as best as he can about his "homeland" and that if it weren't for Liliana he'd still be living a meaningless life
there, that he only found a purpose in this journey and that regardless of how sad that outcome might be, he'd rather do something with his life.
An awkward silence hangs about until the group goes to their rooms for the night, instead of sleeping the character then goes out
for some cool night air and finds a grassy spot to sit alone under the night sky, after a time of silence Luna comes into frame
and approaches the character, at first commenting that they shouldn't be out alone like that at night and sits down beside them.
Mindless banter and chatter aside the character tells of how he met Liliana (more or less, world hopping omitted etcetera) and that
she's a full noble unlike him and that this journey of theirs really is going to become more dangerous as they get closer to her home.
He does not tell her of Liliana being royalty as that would complicate matters, however she seems to already suspect it much like
she suspected him of being from a foreign land and having a good upbringing on par with that of a noble.
He tells her of how he was more or less a complete commoner in all respects but between his own personality and knowledge of his
family history he felt that couldn't just leave her be and decided to help her regardless of where that went.
He was thankful that Liliana came into his life, is she hadn't then who knows where he would have ended up never knowing many
of the things he now knows such his possible elven ancestry or that he simply feels like he has a reason to keep going now
other than to simply carry on his bloodline for the sake it alone, Luna seems almost smitten with him at this point.
He stands to go and after a short goodbye does exactly that leaving Luna on the grass looking up at the night sky.
Morning comes and the papers have been completed, the group is making ready to leave with the merchants by the gate when
Luna comes running up beside them, a look of determination in her eyes as the group wonder what's happening.
She tells them that she has decided to o company them on their journey, that she has already made ready her leave and
shall take no for an answer, that she will follow them even if they refuse.
The group reluctantly except at first but are themselves happy to have another traveling companion, the two are still
worried about taking yet another with them when they don't even know if they'll live through this quest but still.
We see scenes of the caravan camping and then traveling when bandits attack, first boss fight perhaps?
The party and caravan arrive at the next town which is close to the border entering the elf lands, they part with the merchants.
The guild informs them that few merchants cross the border for trade and as such they will most likely be making that
journey on their own and so they should be sure to stock up on supplies and plan their course well.
(More grinding around town I'd assume to prepare the party for what's to come after entering the new area.)
Once the party has made up their minds about continuing they leave town for the border and cross into
the elflands after dealing with a border checkpoint and presenting their new papers.
When the party eventually makes it to the next town along their course Liliana begins to talk more about their destination,
a town with a lord the rules it (who is her uncle) and that if all goes well will help them in their travel to the
capital of the elf territory, if not then they will have to cross that bridge when they come to it.
After they've stayed a day and made ready to leave to on their own this time they depart and head in the direction of
a forest path that will lead to the town and estate they seek, along the way they hear a cry as a fairy comes
flying towards them and hides herself with them, they attempt to ask what has happened and all the fairy can muster
is "M-... My sisters, It.. It ate them..." when a loud sound is heard approaching as a large black beetle comes
into view, it isn't normal at all even if the size wasn't odd, it appears demonic in nature, a Hell Beetle or the like.
The party battle the beetle (heh) and after it dies it leaves behind it's armour plates along with (most) the fairies.
Luna notes that the plating should be worth a considerable price given the rarity of the creature and so they bag them.
The characters' blade has been snapped and is now useless, seeing this and wishing to thank the party the fairies ask
that they follow them to their home grove, there they resent a sacred blade that none but a hero may draw.
Reluctantly the character approaches and grabs at the sword with both hands, much to his and the others surprise it
comes free and is now held by the character with relative ease despite it's size and having been stuck.
The fairies rejoice one again only this time for their "hero" whom seems a bit bewildered yet bemused by this.
Upon nearing the edge of the forest the same fairy that had come to them for aid appears saying that they were
told to escort us and join us on our journey (they do not fight in battle) and though concerned for her the party
agrees on the condition that she run and hide should something happen, the fairy rejoices once more and "joins" the party.
After leaving the forest the party can see the town in the distance just barely, as they come closer however it would seem
that something is off about the estate nearby the town, the character pulls out an eye piece or monocular etcetera and looks
as best they can at the estate, is seems that a fire had taken place but that there were workers making repairs.
Liliana is flustered and tries to hurry but is stopped, if there are workers repairing the damage then her uncle is most
likely safe and well, regardless running all the way to town and tiring themselves would help no one.
The party collects itself and continues onwards with a good bit of travel still before them.
-
RennisTora
- Templar GrandMaster
- Posts: 645
- Joined: Mon Jan 23, 2012 5:14 am
- Location: Canada
Re: Looking for feedback, NWC in mind.
The third thing I'll share is the only story format type bit of writing I've done, which is a fan fiction... from, last updated 2010... Yeah.
I'm apparently missing some of my original files along with no longer knowing what email or anything that I used for my FF account
so I'm going to link to the original story on the site, as well post the 14th chapter that was never uploaded...
I can't even copy paste the text from the pages for some reason, guess they don't allow it on there?
This is a digimon tamers fan fiction, there's some adult materiel later on but not with the kids, honestly don't know why I even added it in.
Some of the chapters are super tiny since this was my first real attempt at writing and hell, it's FF.
It is over 17k words though, not sure if that counts lines and such.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/3674126/1/ ... n-the-Park
Missing Chapter 14:
Chapter 14.
(We continue a little while later from our last chapter.)
*The sun was rising and began to shine through the blinds on Rennis's
apartment windows.*
Rennis: Groaannnnnn... -_-
Renamon: Still tired after last night big guy?~
Rennis: O_O!
*Rennis sprang up resulting in a pillow flying across the room*
Rennis: Stupid dreams...
*He stared up at the ceiling.*
Rennis: Talk about random too...
*He lays there for a while, thinking.*
Rennis: I wonder what she thinks of that drawing?...
*He rolls over on to his side.*
Rennis: Wonder if she's even looked at it?...
*He looks over at his alarm clock.*
Rennis: Still only around 8...
*Rennis curled up under the covers as he tried to go back to sleep*
Rennis: After having to work every day since I got back I haven't
been able to just relax or see Renamon...
Someone's got to really hate me out there for me to wake up
so early on my day off... >.<
*He sat up.*
Rennis: No good, can't sleep... Might as well get some fresh air.
*He got his coat and stepped outside, it was a cool morning and
he could see his breath in the crisp winter air.*
Rennis: At least it's quiet out this early... Why am I itchy?
*He unzipped his coat and found the culprit, there were little
golden hairs lining the inside of his coat.*
Rennis: *sigh* A memento from lending it to Renamon no doubt?
At least it's a little warmer with it?... Can you even wash a leather jacket?
Aaaaaaaand now there's golden hair stuck to me, great...
*Rennis headed back inside for a shower and change of clothes.*
(We change our focus over to the Nonaka home.)
Renamon: ...
*As usual Renamon was perched on the roof, thinking for the most part.*
Renamon: ....
*We flashback to an earlier chapter, the scene is when Rennis and
Renamon were having trouble with a seat-belt.*
Rennis: Simple see... Something wrong?
Renamon: Well... It's a bit snug...
Rennis: Hmm?
Renamon: D-d-down... there... A-and here as well...........
Rennis: ...?
*He looks down and sure enough the harness is ridding snug against her... private
areas, the harness was never built with digimon in mind and because no one ever rides
shotgun the harness was never adjusted for a passenger. To make matters worse the side
straps were tight also and this was causing Renamon's chest to squish slightly making it
even more apparent that she was in fact female.*
Rennis: ! Oh lord... I um.... I'll j-just let you fiddle with those....... I-I mean I'll show you
how to adjust them... With my seat-belt!
Renamon: A-alright, just hurry. This is kind of uncomfortable.
Rennis: Yes mam!...
*Rennis rushed over to the drivers side of the car and climbs into his harness.*
Rennis: Alright, you just grab hold of this strap and pull here, here and here! G-got it?
Renamon: Um... *Umphh!* Th-that just made it tighter!
Rennis: No! The other way, other way! *Gulpp*
Renamon: Ouch ouch OUCH!
Rennis: What's wrong!?
Renamon: My fur's getting stuck in the metal things! Do something!
Rennis: Like what?
Renamon: I don't know! Help me get it free!
Rennis: I uh... Um... Oh man........
*Renamon's chest fur was caught in the adjusting mechanism and was getting pulled
on painfully.*
Renamon: Owwwwwwww!............. T-T
Rennis: Ummmmmm... Ah...... How about scissors?
Renamon: Are you nuts? I'll have a bald spot!...... Just undo the buckle thing!
Rennis: I ahhhhhhh.... Crap........ Alright fine! Just hold in there okay.
Renamon: T-T .........................
Rennis: Alright, here goes... Just got to move this piece back... And this part up...
Annnnnnnddddddddddddddddddd slide this out... No in, slide it in............................
Renamon: OoO'' T-T ..............................
Rennis: ...............! I got it! I got it, it's okay. Your fur's just fine, all there minus a phew
strands, still soft and fluffy...
Renamon: ....................................
Rennis: ...............................................
Renamon: ................................................
Rennis: .......... What's my hand resting on?
Renamon: Something it has no place being on...
Rennis: Right-O!...
Renamon: .........................................
Rennis: ...................................................
Renamon: Why haven't you moved it?... -_-
Rennis: Why haven't you asked me to? >->
Renamon: ........................................
Rennis: ................... >->?
Renamon: Alright... You can remove it.... now...
Rennis: Okay~................. How's that lower strap treating you?
*End flashback.*
Renamon: o///-///o ...
Rika: Renamon, you up there?
Renamon: O . O!
Rika: Renamon?
Renamon: Uh y-yes, I'm here Rika!
Rika: We're heading out...
*Renamon jumped down so as to better speak with Rika.*
Renamon: We?
Rika: Mom wants to take me clothes shopping... -_-
Renamon: Again?
Rika: *sigh* Again...
Renamon: I thought you weren't aloud in that store again, after what happened?
Rika: She found a new one...
Renamon: Well then... um, good luck?
Rika: Yeah... maybe if I get kicked out of this one too she won't take me anymore?
Seiko: Rika!
Rika: Yeah yeah, I know already...
Rumiko: We'll have to hurry to beat the rush~
Rika: Why doesn't Renamon have to come?! -_-
Renamon: ...
Rumiko: Because, I'm not her mother... and she doesn't ware clothes.
Rika: So... if I became a nudist I wouldn't have to go?
Renamon/Seiko/Rumiko: ...
Rika: It was worth a shot...
Rumiko: Come along Rika.
Rika: Yeah yeah, I might have to go but I don't have to like it...
Seiko: At least try to enjoy yourself Rika, for your mothers sake.
Rika: I know... I'll try.
*Rika and her mother left on the epic journey of... Shopping!*
Renamon: ...
Seiko: Is something wrong?
Renamon: What!? o.O
Seiko: I said, is something bothering you?
Renamon: I...
Seiko: ?
Renamon: N-no... I'm fine.
Seiko: I see...
Renamon: ...
Seiko: Alright then, but if you do... want to talk, I'll listen.
Renamon: ...
* Rika's grandmother placed a hand on Renamon's shoulder, she
then walked away towards the kitchen area and Renamon went to sit in the living room*
Renamon: What should I do?...
* She looked around the room trying to figure out something to spend time on. *
Renamon: I don't really feel like a book, and I've never been big on TV or at least
not the majority of shows...
* There was a knock at the door followed by the bell being rung. *
Seiko: I'll get it!
Renamon: They wouldn't be back yet?... not unless Rika made another scene.
Seiko: ?...
Renamon: ...
Seiko: Well, this a nice surprise~
Renamon: Who is it?
* She stood up and walked into the hall. *
Renamon: !?
Rennis: Yo, how's it going?
Seiko: It's so good to see you again dear~
Renamon: ...
Seiko: Isn't it Renamon?
Renamon: o ///_/// o
Seiko: Renamon?
Renamon: Uh, yes... yes it is, how have you been Rennis? o _ o '
Rennis: I've been alright, what about you two?
Seiko: As fine as I can be at my age.
Rennis: Come on now, you can't be that along? Just look at Ms. Nonaka, she's
barely what... 35? Probably less right?
Seiko: A young man should know better then to ask about woman's age.
Rennis: eh he, you started the topic.
Seiko: I did didn't I?
Renamon: ...
*The two of them laughed for a moment, then Rennis noticed Renamon
was acting a bit mousy. *
Rennis: Oh! That reminds me, here.
Renamon: Hmm, what?
Rennis: I want you... I want you to have this.
* He extended a hand and presented his coat to her. *
Renamon: Your old beaten jacket? How... thoughtful?
Rennis: It's not that, it's just that I've needed a new one for a while now
and thought you could use it instead considering what happened before when you
ran into the cold?... That and after carrying you in it plus
you sleeping it has left some little reminders in it, and I can't really wash
a leather jacket this old since it could come apart in a machine.
Renamon: Little reminders?
Rennis: Yes, little itchy reminders of you.
Renamon: Oh, sorry...
Rennis: Hey, it's okay! I said I was needing a new one anyway! o w o '
Seiko: Why don't we go into the kitchen have something hot to drink hmm?
Rennis: Uh sure, that sounds good... though if it's not a problem I'd
rather something cold if you don't mind?
Seiko: Alright then, you too of course Renamon?
Renamon: Of... of course, I'll be there in a minute after I hang the coat up.
* Rennis and Rika's grandmother walk off into the kitchen and Renamon
went to the front door to hang the coat. *
Renamon: It was sort of sweet... kind, it was kind of him to give it to me. o ///_/// o
* The sound of clanking cups could be heard coming from the kitchen. *
Renamon: And of course it has to reek of him, not that it's a bad smell I guess...
Renamon's inner thoughts: What the hell am I doing!?
Seiko: Did you change your mind about the drink Renamon?
Renamon: Meep!? O . o
Rennis: Renamon, you okay out there?
Renamon: I, I'm fine! Just fine, Be there in a second!
Renamon's inner thoughts: What's wrong with me?...
* She walked into the kitchen and sat at the table, trying to keep herself from
looking at Rennis for the time being. *
Rennis: Mmmmm, milk~
Renamon: <///.///< ...
Rennis: Is... something wrong Renamon?
Seiko: You look a bit red dear?
Renamon: O . O ! I um, it's nothing... Just thinking.
Rennis: You better not be getting sick again?
* He reached out a hand to feel her forehead but she stopped his hand with her own. *
Renamon: I'm fine, really.
Rennis: You sure, you look awfully red... could be a fever coming on? O3o
Renamon: I'm... FINE!
Rennis: Wooooow okay, sure thing...
Renamon: ...
Rennis: .........
Renamon: ......
Rennis: Um?... do you think I could have my hand back?
Renamon: o . O !
Rennis: Cause ya know, I've gotten kind of attached to it over the years.
Renamon: S... sorry. -///_///-
Rennis: Woooow no sad faces, the hand thing was a joke! O . o '
I'm apparently missing some of my original files along with no longer knowing what email or anything that I used for my FF account
so I'm going to link to the original story on the site, as well post the 14th chapter that was never uploaded...
I can't even copy paste the text from the pages for some reason, guess they don't allow it on there?
This is a digimon tamers fan fiction, there's some adult materiel later on but not with the kids, honestly don't know why I even added it in.
Some of the chapters are super tiny since this was my first real attempt at writing and hell, it's FF.
It is over 17k words though, not sure if that counts lines and such.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/3674126/1/ ... n-the-Park
Missing Chapter 14:
Chapter 14.
(We continue a little while later from our last chapter.)
*The sun was rising and began to shine through the blinds on Rennis's
apartment windows.*
Rennis: Groaannnnnn... -_-
Renamon: Still tired after last night big guy?~
Rennis: O_O!
*Rennis sprang up resulting in a pillow flying across the room*
Rennis: Stupid dreams...
*He stared up at the ceiling.*
Rennis: Talk about random too...
*He lays there for a while, thinking.*
Rennis: I wonder what she thinks of that drawing?...
*He rolls over on to his side.*
Rennis: Wonder if she's even looked at it?...
*He looks over at his alarm clock.*
Rennis: Still only around 8...
*Rennis curled up under the covers as he tried to go back to sleep*
Rennis: After having to work every day since I got back I haven't
been able to just relax or see Renamon...
Someone's got to really hate me out there for me to wake up
so early on my day off... >.<
*He sat up.*
Rennis: No good, can't sleep... Might as well get some fresh air.
*He got his coat and stepped outside, it was a cool morning and
he could see his breath in the crisp winter air.*
Rennis: At least it's quiet out this early... Why am I itchy?
*He unzipped his coat and found the culprit, there were little
golden hairs lining the inside of his coat.*
Rennis: *sigh* A memento from lending it to Renamon no doubt?
At least it's a little warmer with it?... Can you even wash a leather jacket?
Aaaaaaaand now there's golden hair stuck to me, great...
*Rennis headed back inside for a shower and change of clothes.*
(We change our focus over to the Nonaka home.)
Renamon: ...
*As usual Renamon was perched on the roof, thinking for the most part.*
Renamon: ....
*We flashback to an earlier chapter, the scene is when Rennis and
Renamon were having trouble with a seat-belt.*
Rennis: Simple see... Something wrong?
Renamon: Well... It's a bit snug...
Rennis: Hmm?
Renamon: D-d-down... there... A-and here as well...........
Rennis: ...?
*He looks down and sure enough the harness is ridding snug against her... private
areas, the harness was never built with digimon in mind and because no one ever rides
shotgun the harness was never adjusted for a passenger. To make matters worse the side
straps were tight also and this was causing Renamon's chest to squish slightly making it
even more apparent that she was in fact female.*
Rennis: ! Oh lord... I um.... I'll j-just let you fiddle with those....... I-I mean I'll show you
how to adjust them... With my seat-belt!
Renamon: A-alright, just hurry. This is kind of uncomfortable.
Rennis: Yes mam!...
*Rennis rushed over to the drivers side of the car and climbs into his harness.*
Rennis: Alright, you just grab hold of this strap and pull here, here and here! G-got it?
Renamon: Um... *Umphh!* Th-that just made it tighter!
Rennis: No! The other way, other way! *Gulpp*
Renamon: Ouch ouch OUCH!
Rennis: What's wrong!?
Renamon: My fur's getting stuck in the metal things! Do something!
Rennis: Like what?
Renamon: I don't know! Help me get it free!
Rennis: I uh... Um... Oh man........
*Renamon's chest fur was caught in the adjusting mechanism and was getting pulled
on painfully.*
Renamon: Owwwwwwww!............. T-T
Rennis: Ummmmmm... Ah...... How about scissors?
Renamon: Are you nuts? I'll have a bald spot!...... Just undo the buckle thing!
Rennis: I ahhhhhhh.... Crap........ Alright fine! Just hold in there okay.
Renamon: T-T .........................
Rennis: Alright, here goes... Just got to move this piece back... And this part up...
Annnnnnnddddddddddddddddddd slide this out... No in, slide it in............................
Renamon: OoO'' T-T ..............................
Rennis: ...............! I got it! I got it, it's okay. Your fur's just fine, all there minus a phew
strands, still soft and fluffy...
Renamon: ....................................
Rennis: ...............................................
Renamon: ................................................
Rennis: .......... What's my hand resting on?
Renamon: Something it has no place being on...
Rennis: Right-O!...
Renamon: .........................................
Rennis: ...................................................
Renamon: Why haven't you moved it?... -_-
Rennis: Why haven't you asked me to? >->
Renamon: ........................................
Rennis: ................... >->?
Renamon: Alright... You can remove it.... now...
Rennis: Okay~................. How's that lower strap treating you?
*End flashback.*
Renamon: o///-///o ...
Rika: Renamon, you up there?
Renamon: O . O!
Rika: Renamon?
Renamon: Uh y-yes, I'm here Rika!
Rika: We're heading out...
*Renamon jumped down so as to better speak with Rika.*
Renamon: We?
Rika: Mom wants to take me clothes shopping... -_-
Renamon: Again?
Rika: *sigh* Again...
Renamon: I thought you weren't aloud in that store again, after what happened?
Rika: She found a new one...
Renamon: Well then... um, good luck?
Rika: Yeah... maybe if I get kicked out of this one too she won't take me anymore?
Seiko: Rika!
Rika: Yeah yeah, I know already...
Rumiko: We'll have to hurry to beat the rush~
Rika: Why doesn't Renamon have to come?! -_-
Renamon: ...
Rumiko: Because, I'm not her mother... and she doesn't ware clothes.
Rika: So... if I became a nudist I wouldn't have to go?
Renamon/Seiko/Rumiko: ...
Rika: It was worth a shot...
Rumiko: Come along Rika.
Rika: Yeah yeah, I might have to go but I don't have to like it...
Seiko: At least try to enjoy yourself Rika, for your mothers sake.
Rika: I know... I'll try.
*Rika and her mother left on the epic journey of... Shopping!*
Renamon: ...
Seiko: Is something wrong?
Renamon: What!? o.O
Seiko: I said, is something bothering you?
Renamon: I...
Seiko: ?
Renamon: N-no... I'm fine.
Seiko: I see...
Renamon: ...
Seiko: Alright then, but if you do... want to talk, I'll listen.
Renamon: ...
* Rika's grandmother placed a hand on Renamon's shoulder, she
then walked away towards the kitchen area and Renamon went to sit in the living room*
Renamon: What should I do?...
* She looked around the room trying to figure out something to spend time on. *
Renamon: I don't really feel like a book, and I've never been big on TV or at least
not the majority of shows...
* There was a knock at the door followed by the bell being rung. *
Seiko: I'll get it!
Renamon: They wouldn't be back yet?... not unless Rika made another scene.
Seiko: ?...
Renamon: ...
Seiko: Well, this a nice surprise~
Renamon: Who is it?
* She stood up and walked into the hall. *
Renamon: !?
Rennis: Yo, how's it going?
Seiko: It's so good to see you again dear~
Renamon: ...
Seiko: Isn't it Renamon?
Renamon: o ///_/// o
Seiko: Renamon?
Renamon: Uh, yes... yes it is, how have you been Rennis? o _ o '
Rennis: I've been alright, what about you two?
Seiko: As fine as I can be at my age.
Rennis: Come on now, you can't be that along? Just look at Ms. Nonaka, she's
barely what... 35? Probably less right?
Seiko: A young man should know better then to ask about woman's age.
Rennis: eh he, you started the topic.
Seiko: I did didn't I?
Renamon: ...
*The two of them laughed for a moment, then Rennis noticed Renamon
was acting a bit mousy. *
Rennis: Oh! That reminds me, here.
Renamon: Hmm, what?
Rennis: I want you... I want you to have this.
* He extended a hand and presented his coat to her. *
Renamon: Your old beaten jacket? How... thoughtful?
Rennis: It's not that, it's just that I've needed a new one for a while now
and thought you could use it instead considering what happened before when you
ran into the cold?... That and after carrying you in it plus
you sleeping it has left some little reminders in it, and I can't really wash
a leather jacket this old since it could come apart in a machine.
Renamon: Little reminders?
Rennis: Yes, little itchy reminders of you.
Renamon: Oh, sorry...
Rennis: Hey, it's okay! I said I was needing a new one anyway! o w o '
Seiko: Why don't we go into the kitchen have something hot to drink hmm?
Rennis: Uh sure, that sounds good... though if it's not a problem I'd
rather something cold if you don't mind?
Seiko: Alright then, you too of course Renamon?
Renamon: Of... of course, I'll be there in a minute after I hang the coat up.
* Rennis and Rika's grandmother walk off into the kitchen and Renamon
went to the front door to hang the coat. *
Renamon: It was sort of sweet... kind, it was kind of him to give it to me. o ///_/// o
* The sound of clanking cups could be heard coming from the kitchen. *
Renamon: And of course it has to reek of him, not that it's a bad smell I guess...
Renamon's inner thoughts: What the hell am I doing!?
Seiko: Did you change your mind about the drink Renamon?
Renamon: Meep!? O . o
Rennis: Renamon, you okay out there?
Renamon: I, I'm fine! Just fine, Be there in a second!
Renamon's inner thoughts: What's wrong with me?...
* She walked into the kitchen and sat at the table, trying to keep herself from
looking at Rennis for the time being. *
Rennis: Mmmmm, milk~
Renamon: <///.///< ...
Rennis: Is... something wrong Renamon?
Seiko: You look a bit red dear?
Renamon: O . O ! I um, it's nothing... Just thinking.
Rennis: You better not be getting sick again?
* He reached out a hand to feel her forehead but she stopped his hand with her own. *
Renamon: I'm fine, really.
Rennis: You sure, you look awfully red... could be a fever coming on? O3o
Renamon: I'm... FINE!
Rennis: Wooooow okay, sure thing...
Renamon: ...
Rennis: .........
Renamon: ......
Rennis: Um?... do you think I could have my hand back?
Renamon: o . O !
Rennis: Cause ya know, I've gotten kind of attached to it over the years.
Renamon: S... sorry. -///_///-
Rennis: Woooow no sad faces, the hand thing was a joke! O . o '
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RennisTora
- Templar GrandMaster
- Posts: 645
- Joined: Mon Jan 23, 2012 5:14 am
- Location: Canada
Re: Looking for feedback, NWC in mind.
The main reason I'm putting those ones down is because they're the only ones I've written out in a story like format, the rest are all
dreams written as I could recall them without fluffing or exaggerating their contents, the other reason being all be it a first world
problem is that I have, to date, 308 text files in my "dream" folder with most of those consisting of an average of 3 dreams...
I have multiple hundreds of dreams to choose from for a story idea, and that's a hard call to make my friends.
True that some of those are really short but still a base to work up from, some are short stories in their own right.
I still feel that its easier to take a look at the three I've written out as actually story concepts first, honestly though
I'd love to actually do something with the dreams, it's one of the main reasons I write them down.
I'm uploading them to an online folder I can share for the hell of it anyway, might post a link.
Oh wow, I didn't know there was a file limit of how many I could upload at once on DropBox, found it!..
I just realized I'm typing like this is a live chat, wow me, way to go... I'll leave it in because I find it funny.
Looks like they'll be alphabetical which is okay I guess, personally I sort them by date in my folder.
I already share these in the dream thread but I'll say this anyway, I'll sadly most likely never use these for stories or anything.
If an aspiring writer or game maker or what-have-you is reading this, feel free to use them, just give credit where it's due.
Be warned, these are dreams and I wrote them as they happened, I make it a habit to now get too graphic with them for my
own peace of mind since I don't like recalling terrible things but there might be some "gems" hiding in there.
https://www.dropbox.com/sh/kdfn4vkrge91 ... 0o5Ra?dl=0
dreams written as I could recall them without fluffing or exaggerating their contents, the other reason being all be it a first world
problem is that I have, to date, 308 text files in my "dream" folder with most of those consisting of an average of 3 dreams...
I have multiple hundreds of dreams to choose from for a story idea, and that's a hard call to make my friends.
True that some of those are really short but still a base to work up from, some are short stories in their own right.
I still feel that its easier to take a look at the three I've written out as actually story concepts first, honestly though
I'd love to actually do something with the dreams, it's one of the main reasons I write them down.
I'm uploading them to an online folder I can share for the hell of it anyway, might post a link.
Oh wow, I didn't know there was a file limit of how many I could upload at once on DropBox, found it!..
I just realized I'm typing like this is a live chat, wow me, way to go... I'll leave it in because I find it funny.
Looks like they'll be alphabetical which is okay I guess, personally I sort them by date in my folder.
I already share these in the dream thread but I'll say this anyway, I'll sadly most likely never use these for stories or anything.
If an aspiring writer or game maker or what-have-you is reading this, feel free to use them, just give credit where it's due.
Be warned, these are dreams and I wrote them as they happened, I make it a habit to now get too graphic with them for my
own peace of mind since I don't like recalling terrible things but there might be some "gems" hiding in there.
https://www.dropbox.com/sh/kdfn4vkrge91 ... 0o5Ra?dl=0
Re: Looking for feedback, NWC in mind.
A bit of structural advice: work on what constitutes one paragraph. Put a blank line between paragraphs, but otherwise don't use the enter key. Also, some of the things that looked sort of like maybe they were supposed to be paragraphs were rather long.
-
RennisTora
- Templar GrandMaster
- Posts: 645
- Joined: Mon Jan 23, 2012 5:14 am
- Location: Canada
Re: Looking for feedback, NWC in mind.
Yeah sorry, never really took writing classes or anything so I don't know a lot about proper structure and so forth, been trying to write to something just now as a test to see if I can write in a more presentable format, very beginning of something I've had in my head for the past couple days.Warrl wrote:A bit of structural advice: work on what constitutes one paragraph. Put a blank line between paragraphs, but otherwise don't use the enter key. Also, some of the things that looked sort of like maybe they were supposed to be paragraphs were rather long.
-
RennisTora
- Templar GrandMaster
- Posts: 645
- Joined: Mon Jan 23, 2012 5:14 am
- Location: Canada
Re: Looking for feedback, NWC in mind.
(This is the very beginning of something I'm thinking of writing down that was going around in my head, a test if you will)
The Tournament of 100 Spirits
Our story begins, like many not with a spectacular sight but rather that of an otherwise everyday event.
A young man walking the streets of his familiar neighborhood, the sun setting and it's failing casting shadows on every surface.
He was a fairly tall sort neither above nor below average, an altheltic build with a contrast of long braided hair.
Hair brown like the bark of an oak and eyes that matched, a gentile expression adorning his face.
As the man turned a corner to make his way home as night was fast approaching he stopped as he came
to a cat sitting on the sidewalk before him, sitting and watching as if waiting for something or someone.
It was a black cat with eyes a brilliant green'ish yellow that sparkled in the light of a setting sun,
it rose from it's sitting pose and began to mew as it circled his feet and rubbed at him.
Rholand: Well now, you're a friendly sort aren't you?.. But what are you doing out here I wonder, lost?
The cat mewed and looked up with it's glittering eyes and a tinge of melancholy, as if to answer his question.
Rholand: Do you live near here little one, though I don't recall seeing you before now?
The young man looked around but saw not a soul, no posters of a lost pet, no owners cries.
Rholand: Hmm, maybe you'd like to come home with me for the night?
The cat as if to answer his question mewed happily and raised itself on it's hind legs with front paws against his leg.
Rholand: I'll take that a yes then.
He said as he plucked the cat from the ground and held it in his arms, the walk home was short and uneventful.
The house was modest, not very large though not too small, perfect for a family 6 as it had been many years ago.
The home was once his family residence before they had moved in his youth, after leaving home he had purchased it.
It's halls had been quiet for over a decade, nearly two in fact, after a good cleaning it was no less as
warm and familiar as had been in his childhood, he was happy here with memories of a simpler time.
Rholand: Alright then, let's see about finding you something to eat shall we?
He said, walking to the kitchen with cat in tow.
Though he had no pets of his own he did often leave food out for cats in the neighborhood, even if others protested.
Fetching a tin from the fridge, a saucer from the cupboard, and a fork from the drawer he presented cat
with the wet food and though it sniffed at the meal for a moment it began to happily eat shortly there after.
The Tournament of 100 Spirits
Our story begins, like many not with a spectacular sight but rather that of an otherwise everyday event.
A young man walking the streets of his familiar neighborhood, the sun setting and it's failing casting shadows on every surface.
He was a fairly tall sort neither above nor below average, an altheltic build with a contrast of long braided hair.
Hair brown like the bark of an oak and eyes that matched, a gentile expression adorning his face.
As the man turned a corner to make his way home as night was fast approaching he stopped as he came
to a cat sitting on the sidewalk before him, sitting and watching as if waiting for something or someone.
It was a black cat with eyes a brilliant green'ish yellow that sparkled in the light of a setting sun,
it rose from it's sitting pose and began to mew as it circled his feet and rubbed at him.
Rholand: Well now, you're a friendly sort aren't you?.. But what are you doing out here I wonder, lost?
The cat mewed and looked up with it's glittering eyes and a tinge of melancholy, as if to answer his question.
Rholand: Do you live near here little one, though I don't recall seeing you before now?
The young man looked around but saw not a soul, no posters of a lost pet, no owners cries.
Rholand: Hmm, maybe you'd like to come home with me for the night?
The cat as if to answer his question mewed happily and raised itself on it's hind legs with front paws against his leg.
Rholand: I'll take that a yes then.
He said as he plucked the cat from the ground and held it in his arms, the walk home was short and uneventful.
The house was modest, not very large though not too small, perfect for a family 6 as it had been many years ago.
The home was once his family residence before they had moved in his youth, after leaving home he had purchased it.
It's halls had been quiet for over a decade, nearly two in fact, after a good cleaning it was no less as
warm and familiar as had been in his childhood, he was happy here with memories of a simpler time.
Rholand: Alright then, let's see about finding you something to eat shall we?
He said, walking to the kitchen with cat in tow.
Though he had no pets of his own he did often leave food out for cats in the neighborhood, even if others protested.
Fetching a tin from the fridge, a saucer from the cupboard, and a fork from the drawer he presented cat
with the wet food and though it sniffed at the meal for a moment it began to happily eat shortly there after.