Technic[Bot] wrote: ↑Mon Oct 29, 2018 1:30 am
Well i did said i was meaning to read this but had not had the time.
Alas i got stuck over 28 hours in a flying tin can a few days ago and thus I finally got some time to read it.
A few days later i finished reading your book and thought: “what the hell. lest leave a comment!”
Not many of your reader have read this as it is meant to, over a few days, not over a few years. And most importantly i can offer you some foreign perspective.
But also take it with a grain of salt, i can’t write to save my own life, that much is self evident, but i hope i can at least provide a decent comment or feedback and ultimately helpful to you as a small token of appreciation for your work.
Spoilered for convenience and yeah story spoilers...
Well that was by far more than i expected to write. Sorry to rob you of so much of your time.
Anyways thanks for having created this and when you get this published tell me if you ship to México, I am interesting in buying a copy!
Sorry it took a while to reply (I somehow missed the initial notification), but thanks for your feedback! It's always wonderful hearing new opinions on the story. I'm especially happy to hear that the story surprised you with its direction. I've tried to be mindful of cliches, and avoid them like the plague where possible to keep the story interesting.
The matter of Jacob and Lord Kingsley's characterization is one I've been aware of for a while now, and I've taken steps to improve it early on. It certainly helps that I now have a clear idea of where their characters are going, and what sort of arcs they'll go through. I won't spoil the details, though.
The lupusad names were originally Native American (solely stylistically; I drew inspiration from a few oppressed groups in history, but they're not representative of any one of them in particular), though I've started to simply make up my own ones now that I'm a little more experienced in the field. Albevion is indeed based on Victorian Britain, though it at least initially drew a lot of inspiration from the Thief series of video games. That setting essentially has Victorian-level urbanization coupled with a Medieval society, and a mix of technology from both (e.g. guards carrying swords while patrolling hallways lit by electric lights). A few of those sorts of anachronisms remained in the story - namely with the household guards - but as the story progressed I found myself looking to history more than Thief.
The matter of the Church is certainly intentional. I feel it's a bit overdone to present organized religion in a villainous light, and that it would be more interesting to take it in a different direction. I'm not religious myself (I'd say more agnostic than anything), and I absolutely believe that organized religions have committed harmful actions they deserve to be called out on, but I wanted to present a vision of how I believe religions ought to behave.
Aside from Thief and TwoKinds, as far as inspiration goes the main one was a trilogy of novels called the Lucasfilm Alien Chronicles by Deborah Chester. It was originally going to be an origin story about humans in the Star Wars universe, but licensing issues and a change of author led to it becoming an all-new setting with no humans whatsoever. The novels deal with an oppressive empire that keeps entire species as slaves, and follows one slave in particular as she goes from being the future empress' pet to a gladiator to a rebel leader. By the time I read it, I already had an idea for a proto-H&L setting (basically a post-Christmas Carol Ebenezer Scrooge type character in a steampunk setting), so as I gained an interest in interspecies conflict began to introduce that to the setting. The final product's turned out very different, but still for the better.
I also give Frostpunk an honourable mention as a sort of retroactive inspiration. The premise of the game is that an ice age starts in the late Victorian era, and the player leads an expedition to the coal-rich Arctic to build a city around a large heat generator. I only played it after I finished the initial version of H&L, but I can see some surprising similarities. Some of the buildings - like bunkhouses, soup kitchens and child shelters - definitely give me a H&L vibe. While working on the rewrite, it's encouraged me to place more emphasis on the arrival of winter, and I have another nod or two to the game planned beyond that.
As far as publishing goes, my plan is to take the story down from the thread, but leave the comments in place. Hopefully, this means I can show potential publishers that the original story has received a pretty good response (along with some fanart). I certainly want to be upfront with the fact that the story has been online, which isn't unheard of these days; a lot of stories have been picked up through Wattpad and the like by publishers, though I don't know what they'd make of a smaller forum. Still, the rewrite is also shaping up to be sufficiently different and improved compared to the original, and will likely be a part of a trilogy, which should further help my chances. I've consulted with people at university (I'm doing a writing degree) and even a published author, and I'm fairly optimistic about it.
I think that about covers everything. Again, thank you for your feedback. Hopefully, one day soon you'll be able to get your hands on a copy of the new and improved Human & Lupusad!