Human & Lupusad - Of Men and Wolves [Mature Content]

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darksky
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Re: Human & Lupusad - Of Men and Wolves (Current Chapter: 33) [Mature Content]

#361 Post by darksky »

Excellent chapter, Jonesy! It was very intense. Regardless, I'm glad things turned out the way they did. Something tells me that it won't end up being that easy, with a simple surrender and all, but I've been wrong before. :) One thing this chapter made me think of: Franklyn can be a frustrating guy, but at the same time you do feel for him. I mean, he did lose his father. And wow, Jolon is hotheaded. Yet I like him, even though I don't justify his temper. But yeah, definitely a lot of emotional intensity in this chapter. Well done! Also:
Hello there! It's great to hear you've enjoyed the story so much. Always means a lot to me to hear from new readers.

Admittedly, the next chapter has taken a long time, and it's gone through a couple of iterations. But it's starting to take shape in a way that I'm satisfied with, and should hopefully live up to expectations.
Thank you! I'm glad. I try to let fic authors I like know how much I appreciate their work. Oh, and the new chapter definitely delivered! ^^

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Jonesy
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Re: Human & Lupusad - Of Men and Wolves (Current Chapter: 33) [Mature Content]

#362 Post by Jonesy »

Just a quick update; I've finished the next chapter, but my proofreader's managed to both resurface and disappear again since the last one. I'll give him a bit of time to respond, but will make alternative arrangements if I don't hear back from them.

And on a side note, this thread has just surpassed 28,000 views. Bit of a random milestone, but it's amazing how much attention the story's received. It's only a matter of time until I get more views than Bleak Streets of TwoKinds at this rate...
Human & Lupusad - Of Men and Wolves
A forbidden relationship forms between a human and lupine in a divided world.

The Desulti Chronicles: Stranded
A starship of kangaroos becomes stranded in deep space.

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Jonesy
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Re: Human & Lupusad - Of Men and Wolves (Current Chapter: 34) [Mature Content]

#363 Post by Jonesy »

As planned, the time has finally come to take the story down for now, in preparation for future publishing of the re-written version. It's a pretty bittersweet moment; I've got a lot of great memories about uploading chapters and eagerly anticipating people's responses. I'd like to thank you all for following the story all these years, and I'm glad you enjoyed it so much. I'll be keeping the thread itself up for now in order to keep you all updated on where H&L goes from here.​
Human & Lupusad - Of Men and Wolves
A forbidden relationship forms between a human and lupine in a divided world.

The Desulti Chronicles: Stranded
A starship of kangaroos becomes stranded in deep space.

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AndreRhineDavis
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Re: Human & Lupusad - Of Men and Wolves (Current Chapter: 34) [Mature Content]

#364 Post by AndreRhineDavis »

yay new chapter :)

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Re: Human & Lupusad - Of Men and Wolves (Current Chapter: 34) [Mature Content]

#365 Post by anonfox123 »

Oh boy, the first movie cameras. Soon to followed by the first propaganda films, and the first filmed instances of police brutality against a minority. :roll:

My snark aside, this is great stuff as always, Jonesy!
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Re: Human & Lupusad - Of Men and Wolves (Current Chapter: 34) [Mature Content]

#366 Post by backonninja »

Jonesy wrote: Tue Nov 14, 2017 8:54 am
Chapter 34 - Revolution
...
“I wish I was surprised with Lord Tholmes,” Gregory said. “Fresh grief and deep-seated discrimination do not a good diplomat make.”
...
I can't help but read this with a Yoda accent.
Like this, Yoda speaks.
Jonesy wrote: Tue Nov 14, 2017 8:54 am Zyanya reached over, and held Jakob’s hand in the dark.
Daw...

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Re: Human & Lupusad - Of Men and Wolves (Current Chapter: 35) [Mature Content]

#367 Post by Jonesy »

We're on the home stretch now, folks. Penultimate chapter. Hard to believe it's coming to an end.

As planned, the time has finally come to take the story down for now, in preparation for future publishing of the re-written version. It's a pretty bittersweet moment; I've got a lot of great memories about uploading chapters and eagerly anticipating people's responses. I'd like to thank you all for following the story all these years, and I'm glad you enjoyed it so much. I'll be keeping the thread itself up for now in order to keep you all updated on where H&L goes from here.​
Human & Lupusad - Of Men and Wolves
A forbidden relationship forms between a human and lupine in a divided world.

The Desulti Chronicles: Stranded
A starship of kangaroos becomes stranded in deep space.

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Re: Human & Lupusad - Of Men and Wolves (Current Chapter: 35) [Mature Content]

#368 Post by NinjaWithAStick »

SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
And that's just my walking stick...
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Re: Human & Lupusad - Of Men and Wolves (Current Chapter: 35) [Mature Content]

#369 Post by AndreRhineDavis »

oh wow, penultimate chapter?! I can't believe it's almost over... I feel like there's so much more that the story could explore... I've really gotten to *know* Jakob and Zyanya and it's gonna be really sad to see their story come to an end :(

One thing that doesn't really make sense to me though is the Monarch's "pro-Lupusad" attitude. Where did she get this attitude, when all the other nobles look down on the lupusad? And more importantly, as the *Monarch*, why hasn't she then done more to promote pro-Lupusad laws and social changes given her position and power?

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Re: Human & Lupusad - Of Men and Wolves (Current Chapter: 35) [Mature Content]

#370 Post by Jonesy »

AndreRhineDavis wrote: Sat Jan 06, 2018 8:27 am oh wow, penultimate chapter?! I can't believe it's almost over... I feel like there's so much more that the story could explore... I've really gotten to *know* Jakob and Zyanya and it's gonna be really sad to see their story come to an end :(
Well, if I can get the story published, I intend to do a sequel. In fact, I'll likely be doing quite a bit of re-writing in preparation for publishing, which will include splitting the current iteration of the story into two novels with more defined plot arcs. If all goes well, you'll be able to re-discover the story in a more well-written iteration, as well as follow the characters into a new adventure.
AndreRhineDavis wrote: Sat Jan 06, 2018 8:27 amOne thing that doesn't really make sense to me though is the Monarch's "pro-Lupusad" attitude. Where did she get this attitude, when all the other nobles look down on the lupusad? And more importantly, as the *Monarch*, why hasn't she then done more to promote pro-Lupusad laws and social changes given her position and power?
The rebellion more or less forced her hand, which humanity's attention suddenly on the conditions under which the lupusad live and the danger posed to humanity by subsequent unrest. Her plan is to ease tensions further by passing the new labour laws, hopefully preventing further conflict. However, the increasingly modern Albevian political system leaves her with limited executive power, with something as impactful as the bill requiring a parliamentary vote. So, I would say she was more 'pro-human' than 'pro-lupusad', in that her goals are primarily about benefiting humanity. That said, I like to think she's idealistic enough to want to improve people's lives if she can, even if they're of a different species.

My intention was to depict her as being far more benevolent and somewhat ineffectual than expected, but I honestly don't think it's working out all that well. I'll probably just depict her like that from the beginning in the re-write.
Human & Lupusad - Of Men and Wolves
A forbidden relationship forms between a human and lupine in a divided world.

The Desulti Chronicles: Stranded
A starship of kangaroos becomes stranded in deep space.

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Re: Human & Lupusad - Of Men and Wolves (Current Chapter: 35) [Mature Content]

#371 Post by NuclearBird »

Aaaaand I'm out of chapters to read. Again.
At least we have an update to enjoy. Woot.
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While we're on the topic of alternate universes, is there one where I'm a lawyer? If yes, then I may be more evil than I thought.

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Re: Human & Lupusad - Of Men and Wolves (Current Chapter: 35) [Mature Content]

#372 Post by Neptune »

You should use an asterisms instead of triple asterisk.
Image Haha, he's so tiny! Where is he going?

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Re: Human & Lupusad - Of Men and Wolves (Current Chapter: 35) [Mature Content]

#373 Post by AndreRhineDavis »

Jonesy wrote: Sat Jan 06, 2018 11:42 am Well, if I can get the story published, I intend to do a sequel. In fact, I'll likely be doing quite a bit of re-writing in preparation for publishing, which will include splitting the current iteration of the story into two novels with more defined plot arcs. If all goes well, you'll be able to re-discover the story in a more well-written iteration, as well as follow the characters into a new adventure.
I'd love to read that! :D
And yeah, that's definitely a good idea. That's one issue that I have with books like these where the author writes and publishes one chapter at a time (or webcomics like TwoKinds that effectively does the same thing); you really miss out on the opportunity to go back to earlier chapters and change things to better fit how they turn out in later chapters. I'm really glad you're going to be doing that, it'll definitely make the story flow better, not that there's anything wrong with it now! :)

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Re: Human & Lupusad - Of Men and Wolves (Current Chapter: 35) [Mature Content]

#374 Post by Warrl »

Very minor nitpick: I wouldn't want to eat a half-roasted chicken. I'd rather eat half of a chicken that is completely roasted.

Other gripe over the whole story: these people, these cultures, are too much us. Their swear words are our swear words. Their insults are our insults. Their clichés are our clichés. Their culture is our culture, with just a few exceptions directly related to lupasad anatomy and biology. And even the ones from notably different cultures, such as the ambassador, are indistinguishable.

In one of my stories I have a character refer to "telling a fish it can swim". It's easily understandable, and it's obvious that to my characters "tell a fish it can swim" is a cliché, but it is not our cliché - these people are of a different culture from a different world.

As far as I can recall, the lupasad are the only canids of any sort mentioned anywhere in your story. If they are the only canids that humans are familiar with, then the slang terms and insults for them would not be based on other canids. You do need the reader to understand the insults - although in many cases understanding that they are insults is sufficient, and in others knowing what kind of insult (sexual, ethnic, whatever) will do - but communicating that meaning can be assisted by other characters' reactions. Along that line, not all the ethnic insults have to be human-versus-lupasad; there's plenty of room for human-versus-human ethnic insults, particularly between the local folks and the Thycians.

Also, I'd recommend a bit more attention to sounds, smells, and textures. Human and lupasad should not be able to speak each other's languages without accent or distortion due to the differences in facial anatomy. In the market, there very well could be live animals of various sorts (particularly small ones), as that's an effective way to keep meat from spoiling when you don't have refrigeration. We know this world has chickens; a crowing rooster in a cage at the butcher's or animal-seller's (if they are separate enterprises they'd likely still be close together) would be both inventory and advertising. And the sex scenes could seem more graphic - while remaining PG-13 - by describing the feeling of having your lover's fingers run through your fur, or the feeling of running your fingers through your lover's fur.

A continuity note: early on there's a reference to how incredibly powerful the Monarch is, being a near-absolute ruler. Here, the Monarch is drafting a bill to have someone else put before Parliament. Can't do it herself. Seems inconsistent. (Granted, someone of low class might *think* the Monarch is rather more powerful than is actually the case, but as I recall that wasn't the context.)

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Re: Human & Lupusad - Of Men and Wolves (Current Chapter: 35) [Mature Content]

#375 Post by FrogSteaks »

Damn, hard to fathom this story is almost done. I'm... not really ready for it to end. (;_;) I'll probably do a reread of the story so that it'll all be fresh by the time the final chapter comes.
Jonesy wrote: Sat Jan 06, 2018 11:42 amWell, if I can get the story published, I intend to do a sequel. In fact, I'll likely be doing quite a bit of re-writing in preparation for publishing, which will include splitting the current iteration of the story into two novels with more defined plot arcs. If all goes well, you'll be able to re-discover the story in a more well-written iteration, as well as follow the characters into a new adventure.
Oooooh yes, that would be awesome! Hopefully you'll be able to get this published. A story this good is definitely deserving of it. :)
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