Alpha Guard: Rise of the Confederacy (A TK fanfic)

Post all your stories, poems, and haiku's here!

Moderator: Moderators

Message
Author
User avatar
anonfox123
Grand Templar
Posts: 1321
Joined: Thu Mar 29, 2012 11:30 am

Alpha Guard: Rise of the Confederacy (A TK fanfic)

#1 Post by anonfox123 »

Hey Everyone! I've had a whole stew of ideas for a Twokinds fanfic brewing in my head for a while, and after seeing the latest change in chapter, I realized I was running out of time to get the beginnings of it onto the forums.

I say this because IT WILL DEVIATE COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY FROM THE TWOKINDS CANON!!!

And to prove my point, enjoy the little prologue I've put together, and feel free to leave your comments. And while I appreciate constructive criticism, I appreciate constructive criticism that is worded diplomatically even more. Also, I might add a little more by editing this OP.


********************************

A young Bastitin watchman raked his gaze across the night sky. Heck if he knew what he was looking for, just that the Director of Strategy told him to keep his eyes on the sky. And that there had just been a huge flash of light from over the horizon, in the direction of the Bastitin Island, putting everyone on edge. But there was nothing. Just empty blackness peppered with stars. His partner, peering through a night-scope, seemed to think otherwise.

"Oh crap."

"Oh crap what?"

"We've got incoming. White dragon, heading in from the south."

"What? Where? I don't see anything"

"No time to argue, I know I never let you use the night scope. Signal the ballista crews."

Suddenly, a voice rang out in both their minds:

<That would be a rather ill advised course of action. I don't think your "Director of Strategy" would be too pleased you tried to shoot down the dragon he hired to recover a level zero VIP.>

Ah. Lady Nora. No wonder the Director had told them to watch the skies. The Bastitin turned to his human compatriot. "You're the magic user around here..."

A spark of mana appeared at the human's fingers as prepared to launch his thoughts skyward.

<Lady Nora, this is confederate watchtower zero-seven. We respectfully request confirmation on level zero status.>

********************************

<Well,> Nora said, addressing the figure riding on her back, <Here's where you come in. Hope those toys of your's work as well as you say they do. I barely have enough energy to make it back to the island and maintain cover as it is. I really can't waste any more dodging two-foot arrows.>

The man said nothing, and only smiled as he took out a small, enchanted mirror, a series of runes lighting up on its surface. Tapping them in sequence, he began to speak: "This is Director of Intelligence Edmund Sirus. There is no time to bandy words about: our situation is dire."

********************************
Back on the ground, the two watchmen checked the series of symbols on their own mirror against the ones the Director of Strategy had given them.

"Director, Nora, the Strategist will meet you at the eastern field. Proceed with caution; we just finished repairs to the medical center last week."

<I'll have you know that I've been flying several thousand times longer than you've been walking, you insolent pup.>

The two watchmen exchanged smirks. By that time, the dragon was close enough for them to make out her irate expression.

"Be that as it may, it doesn't change the fact that last time you were here you tore a hole right through the...

<Ugh, fine. So much for waiting until people forgot about that...>

********************************

The moment Nora touched down, a team of human clerics, bastitin medics and keidran healers rushed forward to unstrap the litter that had been positioned between her wings. Several winced at the sight of the broken body lying upon the stretcher, visible beneath the glow of a stasis spell.

"Man. Skull fracture, two broken ribs, multiple lacerations, possible internal injuries..." One of the white-clad doctors turned to a colleague. "I've heard you guys are as tough as all get out, but we really have our work cut out for us, don't we?"

Their voices faded away as they made their way into the hospital. The man who had ridden in with the patient on Nora stood by a snow-white wolf, watching the dragon take off and fade into the distance.

"Nice to see you survived our little encounter with Ephemural."

"Nice to see that no one's seen through your disguise, my friend," the wolf answered dryly. "You do realize that even if he survives there is no guarantee he will join our cause."

"This isn't the first time I've made and excursion to the Islands. From what I've seen of him, he'll stand by us once he knows what we're fighting for."

"Hmm. Give me your honest opinion, Edmund. Do you think I'm implementing my plans a little too quickly? The Alphas, this recovery mission, and now, what are they, those runic devices?"

“Of course we’re moving too fast Euchre. Otherwise the Templar will just run us all into the ground.”
Spoiler!
For one Bastitin, after there was East Vs West, there was:
Alpha Guard: Rise of the Confederacy

Yes, I realize that I borrow from the RvB season 9 trailer some, but I assure you the rest will be a bit more original.
Go ahead, guess who our "Level Zero VIP" is.
Ice-cold science-fantasy space-ninja operative!

User avatar
TinyVoices
Templar Inner Circle
Posts: 6275
Joined: Sat Apr 09, 2011 6:08 pm
Location: https://goo.gl/7ARWF4
Fav. Twokinds Character: Kat

Re: Alpha Guard: Rise of the Confederacy (A TK fanfic)

#2 Post by TinyVoices »

"Man. Skull fracture, two broken ribs, multiple lacerations, possible internal injuries..." One of the white-clad doctors turned to a college. "I've heard you guys are as tough as all get out, but we really have our work cut out for us, don't we?"
I think you meant colleague there. :P

Besides that and a few other minor slips, sounds good so far. And I would almost say that the VIP is a basitin... As they are "tough as all get out"... So... Perhaps Keith?

User avatar
anonfox123
Grand Templar
Posts: 1321
Joined: Thu Mar 29, 2012 11:30 am

Re: Alpha Guard: Rise of the Confederacy (A TK fanfic)

#3 Post by anonfox123 »

TinyVoices wrote:I think you meant colleague there. :P
Fixed. Judging by some of your other posts, I, like you, have college on the brain :grin:
Ice-cold science-fantasy space-ninja operative!

User avatar
anonfox123
Grand Templar
Posts: 1321
Joined: Thu Mar 29, 2012 11:30 am

Re: Alpha Guard: Rise of the Confederacy (A TK fanfic)

#4 Post by anonfox123 »

"Sorry, we can't let you in with out the right security clearances. Medical personnel only."

The human trying to walk into the patient's room sighed in exasperation and turned to show the guard the insignia on his armband, fixing the hapless keidran with a deadpan stare.

"Saying something like that to me is really ironic, you know."

"Ah, Alpha Sage! The right clearance AND medical personnel. Sorry about that. Go right ahead."

Entering the room, Sage swept a clipboard off the desk next to the door, reading it as he walked over to the patient's bed. A note scrawled in the margins by the intelligence director caught his eye, but before he could read it, his wrist was caught in a vise-like grip.

"Where's Keith?!"

Sage stared at the patient at he tried to get his mouth to work again.

"I'm sorry, who?" He said, as he tried to free his arm. In a burst of hostility, the patient shifted his grip and dug his claws into Sage's arm.

"Let's try that again; Where's Keith?"

"Augh! S***! Masks above, how the heck would I know?" Sage yelped as he twisted free at the cost of a few bloody scratches on his arm. The patient leaped out bed, even his dead eye burning with anger, only to have his legs collapse under him the moment he hit the floor. Immediately, Sage wrapped his good arm around the patient, subduing him with his larger size.

"Calm down. That's an order. We're not here to hurt you. You've been unconscious for four days. You're weak, you're confused. Calm down."

An expression of concern crossed Sage's face as the patient began shaking uncontrollably in his arms. Poor guy, adrenaline letdown, most likely.

"I-I... I j-just want t-to know... if Keith's s-safe..."

"Alright, alright, take it easy." Sage replied as he helped the patient back into bed. "I might not know who Keith is, but if he's anything like you he'll be just fine. Now take it easy, ok?"

"Y-yeah. I'll try." The beginnings of smile crossed the patient's face as shuddering faded away. "S-Say I think we skipped on the introductions. You are...?"

"Sage, Jonathan Sage, team medic for the Alpha Guard. I saw your name on the doctor's report over there. Nickolai Alaric, right?" He said, gesturing to the discarded clipboard lying on the floor as he started to busy himself with a vial of pale gold liquid, putting a few drops on the scratches on his arm.

"The one and only." Gingerly, Alaric put a hand to the back of his head. "Wow... Back on the island, before I passed out I could actually feel pieces of my skull grating around when I moved. How did I survive?"

"Well, I'm not sure how they got you off the island, but when you got here, a team of eight doctors worked on you in three shifts. By the time they were finished, they'd gone through about two cases of ambrosium vials, but still got the job done. Oh, ambrosium is this stuff, by the way." He held up the vial and gave it a shake. "Its a little something put together to speed up the healing process." Sage held up his now completely uninjured arm. "Scratches? No problem. And in your case it probably saved your life more than anything else. Shame it couldn't do anything about your eye, though."

"Feh, its an old injury; I'm used to it. Still, why in all of Mekkan would a bunch Humans give a half damn about what happens to some Bastitin on an island miles away?"

Sage fixed another deadpan stare on Alaric. "You really have no idea where you are, do you? Right, well, that’s easily fixed. " With that, he threw open the window shades, revealing the scene beyond, with Keidran, Humans, and the odd Bastitin here and there mingling on the street. Sage grinned at the dumbfounded expression that crossed Alaric's face. "Welcome to Lyn'knoll, my friend."

*******************************

Here's where we wrap up the prologue, and we can now move on with the main story.

Sorry TinyVoices, it seems like I had you completely wrong-footed about the VIP. A pity more people didn't drop by and take a shot at guessing. Ah well, what can you do... :roll:

Everyone else, feel free to leave comments and constructive criticism that is actually constructive.
Ice-cold science-fantasy space-ninja operative!

User avatar
TinyVoices
Templar Inner Circle
Posts: 6275
Joined: Sat Apr 09, 2011 6:08 pm
Location: https://goo.gl/7ARWF4
Fav. Twokinds Character: Kat

Re: Alpha Guard: Rise of the Confederacy (A TK fanfic)

#5 Post by TinyVoices »

anonfox123 wrote:Sorry TinyVoices, it seems like I had you completely wrong-footed about the VIP.
Hehe, I figured it was a really off the course tale, so that's why I figured it might be Keith. Or just some new, unnamed Basitin, which I would never be able to guess. As soon as the VIP asked where Keith was, though, I figured it out. :mrgreen:

Never thought they'd be in Lyn'knoll though. Now let's see where you're going to take this. :D

User avatar
Thegunner18
Apprentice
Posts: 101
Joined: Wed May 30, 2012 7:42 pm
Location: Devon, England

Re: Alpha Guard: Rise of the Confederacy (A TK fanfic)

#6 Post by Thegunner18 »

I always thought ol' Nickolai needed a bit more attention. Alas, his death kind of prevents that now ^_^ But you're here with this story now, fox! Maybe we can get a little sneak peak as to what Lyn'Knoll may look like in the comic. Take note, Tom, take note :P

Anyway, I wouldn't worry too much about the shortness of it right now, as this was just the prologue.
"To remember everything is a form of madness."
"Sometimes you have to let go and embrace what you've become."
Image

User avatar
anonfox123
Grand Templar
Posts: 1321
Joined: Thu Mar 29, 2012 11:30 am

Re: Alpha Guard: Rise of the Confederacy (A TK fanfic)

#7 Post by anonfox123 »

Alright, thank you all for your comments. So here's a little something to ease into the main storyline.

***************************
“Sir, I’m requesting permission to disregard protocol zero-one zero-five. I just looked into the office, and he’s a mess. I know protocol dictates that all Bastitin personnel have to conceal their identity from any official from the island, but there’s no way the ambassador can do his job right if he’s stumbling around half drunk the whole time. This can only help us.“ The bastitin’s voice was muffled and distorted by the thick fabric around his muzzle, while the visor of his helmet hid his eyes and other features.

There was a small pause as the bastitin’s request was considered. “Very well. Permission granted."

“Wait, what? Really?”

“Yes really, permission granted. And with a track record like yours, I don’t doubt that you would simply throw protocol out the window anyway.”

"Understood. Thank you sir."

And with that, Alaric tapped a rune on the wall's scrying mirror, closing the connection to command as he discarded his helmet and concealing mask. Sparing a backward glance at the mirror as he walked back to the room where the Ambassador was waiting, he shook his head in wonderment. Apparently, the inner workings of the thing allowed people to manipulate the mana needed to run it on a physical basis, rather than a metal one like most mages. It was especially helpful for bastitin like himself, keeping the magical energy from damaging his mind.

But enough of that. It was showtime.

*************************

Keith glowered moodily at the light amber liquid pooled at the bottom of the bottle before him. Just when he thought he was ready to turn over a new leaf, having banished his initial grief, the claws of guilt and shame sank themselves into his soul once more, tearing him apart from the inside.

And so out came the bottle again, the searingly strong bastitin ale burning away all other kinds of pain, then smothering everything in a numb calm. in the bottle before him, lay the promise of peace, a dreamless, waking haze that would keep the nightmares at bay. A voice jolted him from his reverie.

"Drinking alone. Never fun, is it?" , said the figure in the doorway.

It was impossible, but there he was. The same mischievous half-smirk on his muzzle, and a mischievous glint lighting up his cool, iron gray gaze. Standing proud and tall, not broken and battered by rubble. A ghost.

On a sudden impulse, Keith hurled the bottle right at the all too real image of his old friend. "Get away from me! You're not real, you can't be! I saw you die, you're supposed to stay DEAD!"

Alaric stared at the bottle he had deftly snatched from the air. His ears drooped and his smile melted. "Of all the things I planned for, all the scenarios I came up with, I never imagined something like this..."

Keith stared at the bottle Alaric had deftly snatched from the air. "Wait, you caught that... so you're not a hallucination... But if you were, the bottle isn't real either, and that means that there's no way I can get drunk from ale that doesn't exist, and so you're..." Keith rushed forwards and grabbed Alaric by his shirt. "Prove it." he snapped. "Prove that you're real!"

"Oh, so its proof you want, now, is it?" Alaric's grin had returned. "Well then, how's this for proof?" And with that he leaned in put a kiss right on Keith's mouth.

Keith reel back in shock. "Woah woah woah, what the HELL are you..."

"Heh... heh heh HHAAA! Oh man, you should have seen the look on your face, wow that was priceless. Come on, you did ask for proof..."

"Yeah, yeah I did..." Keith buried his face in his hands. "I walked right into that didn't I? Because only the Alaric I know would do something so boneheadedly vulgar..."

"Oh come on Keith, you wound me."

"Yeah yeah, fine. You're real, and you have one heck of a lot of explaining to do."

"Well, I've got all the time in the world to explain, but really, I don't know half of it myself. And seeing as I'm the one who's supposed to be introducing you to the rest of the Alphas...

"The Alphas?"

"The Alpha Guard. The very best the Lyn'knoll Confederacy has to offer in both time of peace, and in times of war. Now come on, its time for you to meet the team!"
Ice-cold science-fantasy space-ninja operative!

User avatar
Thegunner18
Apprentice
Posts: 101
Joined: Wed May 30, 2012 7:42 pm
Location: Devon, England

Re: Alpha Guard: Rise of the Confederacy (A TK fanfic)

#8 Post by Thegunner18 »

So, just out of pure curiosity: are we going to see anything from the rest of the gang? i.e Natani, Flora etc. I'm fine with Keith and Alaric, though :P I suppose it's good that Keith's my favourite character ^_^

Anyway! Nice little update there. Couldn't see any glaring errors or anything like that :) I'll be interested to see what happens in terms of action and adventure! ;)
"To remember everything is a form of madness."
"Sometimes you have to let go and embrace what you've become."
Image

User avatar
anonfox123
Grand Templar
Posts: 1321
Joined: Thu Mar 29, 2012 11:30 am

Re: Alpha Guard: Rise of the Confederacy (A TK fanfic)

#9 Post by anonfox123 »

Thegunner18 wrote:So, just out of pure curiosity: are we going to see anything from the rest of the gang? i.e Natani, Flora etc...
I'm working on the next update, you will see some canon characters, but more OC's are on the way.
Ice-cold science-fantasy space-ninja operative!

User avatar
TinyVoices
Templar Inner Circle
Posts: 6275
Joined: Sat Apr 09, 2011 6:08 pm
Location: https://goo.gl/7ARWF4
Fav. Twokinds Character: Kat

Re: Alpha Guard: Rise of the Confederacy (A TK fanfic)

#10 Post by TinyVoices »

Heh, the Alpha Guard reminds me of the Elite Units from my story. Both are the best of the best. "Elite Units" isn't even their original name, though. People have just come to think of them as that. My next chapter explains a little bit more about them. But back to your tale.


I wonder what will happen now that Nick is alive. He's still high up, right? I suppose Keith's title won't be removed just because Nick survived.

(This is a general opinion, not a critique, which is why I didn't explain myself) You got some jumpy transitions there. There is actually nothing wrong with them, it's just that I like smoother changes. It works, though. Many authors use them, to great results.


Who was Alaric talking to, though? I wouldn't imagine it was the Basitin authorities, unless it was the King or something. Any one else would just tell him to come home. And wouldn't necessarily need to consider his track record. Unless, you know, I'm looking too far into this.

User avatar
anonfox123
Grand Templar
Posts: 1321
Joined: Thu Mar 29, 2012 11:30 am

Re: Alpha Guard: Rise of the Confederacy (A TK fanfic)

#11 Post by anonfox123 »

TinyVoices wrote:Heh, the Alpha Guard reminds me of the Elite Units from my story. Both are the best of the best. "Elite Units" isn't even their original name, though. People have just come to think of them as that. My next chapter explains a little bit more about them. But back to your tale.
Well, truth be told, I haven't even read to that part in your story, so trust me when I say that I am NOT copying the "Elite Units".
TinyVoices wrote:I wonder what will happen now that Nick is alive. He's still high up, right? I suppose Keith's title won't be removed just because Nick survived.
First off, what exactly do you mean by high-up? You mean in rank? And no, Keith will not get his title removed.
TinyVoices wrote:(This is a general opinion, not a critique, which is why I didn't explain myself) You got some jumpy transitions there. There is actually nothing wrong with them, it's just that I like smoother changes. It works, though. Many authors use them, to great results.
Yeah, what can I say, it's just how I roll.
TinyVoices wrote:Who was Alaric talking to, though... Unless, you know, I'm looking too far into this.
Shoot, I guess I wasn't making that too clear. Still, the runic mirror is a Bastitin-safe piece of magical communications tech that so far, only the Confederacy has. Now you may draw your own conclusions.
Ice-cold science-fantasy space-ninja operative!

User avatar
TinyVoices
Templar Inner Circle
Posts: 6275
Joined: Sat Apr 09, 2011 6:08 pm
Location: https://goo.gl/7ARWF4
Fav. Twokinds Character: Kat

Re: Alpha Guard: Rise of the Confederacy (A TK fanfic)

#12 Post by TinyVoices »

anonfox123 wrote:Well, truth be told, I haven't even read to that part in your story, so trust me when I say that I am NOT copying the "Elite Units".
It's good. If the Alpha Guard has a lot of Basitins in it, then they couldn't be much like the EUs anyway. The Klimber Elite Units are only #1 because their fighting style incorporates large quantities of magic. So it's clear why there's an issue there. :P

And the Elite Units really only show up, and stay recognized on page for a long stretch of time, in chapter 4. They show up before that, but don't do much but be there. So if you haven't read that chapter, then yeah, you're not sure what I'm talking about.
anonfox123 wrote:First off, what exactly do you mean by high-up? You mean in rank? And no, Keith will not get his title removed.
Alaric was one of the leading generals (high-up in the Basitin order), but may have been replaced rather quickly after his demise. Actually, now that I think about it, I think Keith was his replacement.

It's been over a year since I read the comic. I need to add it to my queue of comics I follow. :oops:
anonfox123 wrote:...Now you may draw your own conclusions.
Yes I will. :D

User avatar
anonfox123
Grand Templar
Posts: 1321
Joined: Thu Mar 29, 2012 11:30 am

Re: Alpha Guard: Rise of the Confederacy (A TK fanfic)

#13 Post by anonfox123 »

Well, here you go! Some canon characters, as promised.

*************************
"The Alphas?"

"The Alpha Guard. The very best the Lyn'knoll Confederacy has to offer in both time of peace, and in times of war. Now come on, its time for you to meet the team!"

*************************
{several hours earlier}

Zen stared after the horseless cart as it rattled and clanked its way down the road, away from the large, imposing building he and his "brother" had just been dropped off at. Yeah, someone had explained to him that it was being pulled along by a cable set into the road, and that it wasn't really moving on its own, or even by magic, but the overall effect was just eerie. Turning back to his brother, he asked "So, you think we're at the right place?

"You tell me. You're the one who can read."

Zen glanced at the paper the director of strategy had given them, reading aloud. "After disembarking the number three streetcar, you will be at the gates to Nova Liberty, base of operations for the Alpha Guard." He looked up at the sign above the gate. "And that sign says Nova Liberty. Yeah, we're at the right place." He pushed open the gate and started to walk towards the building. "Come on, let's go."

Natani huffed in annoyance. "I still have no idea how we got talked into ditching the assassins and joining these screwballs."

Zen rolled his eyes. "Well, the way I see it, we joined the assassins to do two things: put food in our mouths and learn to defend ourselves. They're offering us the same here, and I don't have to worry about you getting killed if someone finds out about... well... YOW!"

Natani gave him a solid smack upside the head before he could say anything more.

"Yeesh, talk about a sore spot... Look, we can get the same or better working here than heading all the way back across the continent to get to the guild." Zen said as he pushed the gate open. "Besides, I like it here. Working with humans can't be that bad; I mean, you practically lived with some for awhile, right?"

"Yeah, but..."

"But we're here already. Look sharp." Zen said as a human walked out of the building to meet them.

"So, you must be the two new recruits." The human called out. "The Strategy Director seems to think you're alpha guard material." The human gave the two wolves an analytical glance before turning away. "Well, come on, can't waste too much time, now can we? Oh, the name's Jason. Jason Kiet."

Going back through the door, Jason yelled out: "HEY GUYS! The recruits are here. Drop everything and come down to the rec hall!"

A small pause followed, as someone shot back retort from inside.

"I know you're the leader, but it's impolite to not introduce yourself!" Jason called back.

Another pause.

"Great, we really appreciate the gesture." Jason said as he rolled his eyes.

By then, Jason and the assassin brothers had made it into the main hall of Nova Liberty. Scattered around on several chairs, desks, and benches were two Bastitin, another human, and a towering brute of a tiger keidran. But the person standing at the front of the group was the one who really made Natani's head spin.

At first glance, Natani nearly mistook the lead Keidran for Kat, but a few things seemed off. Aside from a slightly different pattern of spots, Kat's alluring figure had been given some harder edges by this other woman, noticeably muscular but still graceful. Where Kat had carried herself in a shy, reserved manner, this person stood proud, confident, perhaps even a little arrogant. But the biggest difference was in the eyes. While Kat's gaze was a gentle turquoise, this stranger's eyes were two diamond hard shards of ice, cold and calculating, a frozen over rage at... what?

"Well, well, well. Who do we have here?" Said Kat's doppelganger, a smirk spreading across her face instead of a smile.

Zen got his mouth working before Natani. "Erm... ah... I'm Zen, and this is my brother Natani"

The doppelganger's gaze seemed to soften just a tiny bit as she replied. "Right. OK. I read the Intelligence Director's report on you two." She turned her gaze to Natani. "ALL, of the report, I might add." Chuckling at Natani's brief look of panic, she added, "Relax, you've got nothing to worry about. Oh, and call me Kara."

Turning back to Zen, Kara's smirk turned into a frown as a draft blew through the building, letting her catch Zen's scent. As she stepped closer to get a better sniff, the frown turned into a dark scowl. "You... Well, small world, isn't it... Jason, get these two down to the training area. It's time to test their skills. Can't have a couple of liabilities on the team, now can we?"

Completely oblivious to Kara's dark expression, Zen merely chuckled and said, "Test our skills? Do you have any idea who you're talking to?"

"I was under the impression I was talking to two wolves named Zen and Natani." Kara shot back.

Suddenly recognizing the names, one of the Bastitins, an albino, rolled his eyes. "Pfft... Watch out guys, we're dealing with the Magi Brothers over here!"

"Kyle, shut up. We don't have time for this." Jason interrupted. Kara's change in mood had put him on edge. Turning to the wolves, "You two, I think you should follow me."
Ice-cold science-fantasy space-ninja operative!

User avatar
TinyVoices
Templar Inner Circle
Posts: 6275
Joined: Sat Apr 09, 2011 6:08 pm
Location: https://goo.gl/7ARWF4
Fav. Twokinds Character: Kat

Re: Alpha Guard: Rise of the Confederacy (A TK fanfic)

#14 Post by TinyVoices »

Ooh, automated vehicles. It is an interesting concept, actually. Is the comic version of Lyn'Knoll more technologically developed, or less developed than the rest of the continent? For us, at least, war has brought many inventions to existence. Or, at the least, to the average household. So, if there's a peace loving community, are they able to find other ways to spur inventing, or are they content with their current life style? For your fanfic, at least, there's obviously a higher level of tech existing in Lyn'Knoll. What with first the com-mirrors, and now the pulley street car. (I'm not sure what those would be called?)

It'll be interesting to see who this Kara is. Perhaps a past girlfriend or something?


You may have fixed some of these before I could post, but I decided to be picky about grammar and such correction this time: :wink:

* "Come on, let's go."

* The human gave the two wolves an analytical glance before turning away.

* But the person standing at the standing at the front of the group was the one who really made Natani's head spin.

* "I know you're the leader, but it's impolite to not introduce yourself!"

* Scattered around on several chairs, desks, and benches were two basitin, another human, and a towering brute of a tiger keidran. (I actually don't remember the correct plural form for Basitin...)


Beyond that, it is the usual question of: if it's the name of a race of people, should it be capitalized? :?

User avatar
anonfox123
Grand Templar
Posts: 1321
Joined: Thu Mar 29, 2012 11:30 am

Re: Alpha Guard: Rise of the Confederacy (A TK fanfic)

#15 Post by anonfox123 »

TinyVoices wrote:Grammar Stuff
All fixed. As for the tech, I have a perfectly credible explanation. But you'll have to wait until the next update, or even the one after that. :twisted:
Ice-cold science-fantasy space-ninja operative!

Post Reply