The Adoptive Father: Chapter 10 now up

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The Adoptive Father: Chapter 10 now up

#1 Post by kevin » Wed Mar 30, 2011 2:51 am

This is a story I've had floating around in my head for like a month and I finally decided to put fingers to keyboard and have a stab at writing it.

Chapter 1

"Can I hear three-fifty? Three-fifty? Any body three-fifty?"
"Three-fifty!"
"Thank you sir! Now can I hear four hundred, four hundred, anybody gonna go four hundred?"
"Four hundred!"
"Thank you sir! I got four hundred can I get anybody to go up on that, go up at all? C'mon now, anybody, can anybody move up on that? No? Well then, four hundred going once, going twice" a loud clack is made as the man slams a gavel against a small wooden podium and he adds "Sold! And that's one little vixen sold to this gentleman with the glasses right here in the front."

With that, the female fox Keidran up on the stage next to the man at the podium is led off while another Keidran is put up and bidding begins again. She is taken to a small table with a man sitting in a chair with books in front of him next to scales and a money box. The man leading her along puts he next to the table and leaves. The man at the table looks at her from his books and says "Wait here while your owner comes to pay for you"
"Yeah yeah yeah, I know the drill"
"Hey, watch yourself flea bag" warns the man as he goes back to his books, the fox sticks her tongue out at him since he's not looking. Then a man, having worked his way through the small crowd, comes up to the table and plops down a small bag. The man at the table takes the bag, opens it, and sees all the gold coins inside of it. He pours the bag out to weigh the coins to ensure they weigh the appropriate amount for gold coin. It is the proper weight. Then he begins to count the coins out to see if it is the right amount. While he does so, the fox is able to check out her new owner. He is a man of slightly above average height, about six feet tall, with dirty blonde hair, glasses, solid build, appearing to be in his mid twenties, with an old worn out coat, well worn pants, and shoes that looked like they wer years old. She could not help thinking "What kinda weirdo have I been bought by this time?"

"Yep, that's four hundred in gold alright." The man at the table then puts the money away in his money box before continuing with "I just need you to sign a few things and she's yours." He then places a piece of paper in front of the buyer and has him sign different spots on it, fill in other spots, and once finished with that, the man took it, signed off on it, and said "Alright then, she's all yours. Go ahead and take her off"
"Thank you, sir." The man then steps from the table and says to the fox "Alright ma'am, if you'll please come along with me, I'll take you to your new home." She walks along behind him away from the table.

The weather is very sunny in this small town where this auction has just taken place. It is an outdoor auction, just like it usually is with slave auctions. As the two walk along, the bussle of people in shops, taking things to market, and children playing up and down the street is all around. The fox just lazily follows, the shackles on her wrists and neck rubbing her rather uncomforably. The man looks back at her and says "You know you don't have to follow behind like that. You can walk beside me or something." She remains quiet and keeps her distance behind him. He looks back to his front, shaking his head a bit. He leads her out of town into the nearby wooded area.

Heading down the main path way for a good distance, they head off onto another path. After going down it for about a hundred yards or so, they reach a small house in the middle of a clearing. It is not a big house, in fact it's rather small, but it is a decent sized house none the less. The fox follows behind him as he goes up the steps onto the front porch. As he pulls the keys to the door out of his pocket he looks back at her and says "You know how creepy it's been having someone following behind me the whole way home the way you have? You could've been more friendly"
"Sorry, master. Just something I do by habbit is all"
"Mmm, alright then, I guess."

He opens the door and they walk into a small front parlor. A sofa to the side, a small desk on the other side, some rug, nothing much. He turns to her and says "Well, ta da. Ain't much but meh, it's a home."
"It looks fine, master"
"Yep"

The man takes his coat off to put it up on a hook next to the door. He fixes his shirt a bit before telling her "So, this is your new home, I guess. My kids are coming home in about an hour from hanging out at their cousin's house so I'd like it if you act right around them"
"What are you afraid I'll do?"
"I don't know, don't do stuff like walking around naked or something"

She rolls a eyes a bit at that comment but let it slide. It occured to the man he didn't know her name and so he asked "So, um, what's your name, ma'am?"
"My name's Isabell"
"Oh, that's a real pretty name"
"Thank you, master"

The man sighs a bit while scratching the back of his head and says "Actually, can you stop calling me master? I kinda don't like it, I'd prefer if you addressed me by my name"

Isabell tilted her head to the side in confusion at what's a seemingly odd question to ask of a slave. She fixes her head back and asks "Well, if you don't like master as your name, well then what would you like me to call you?"
"Mr. Davis works just fine for now"
"Okay then, Mr. Davis"

There is a bit of an awkward silence as the two stand in the parlor. "You said you had kids?" askes Isabell, partly as a way of breaking the tension. He at first didn't hear her because he was not paying attention. He quickly recovers having realized what she said and replied "Yeah, I got two of them. A boy and a girl, very young."
"Might ask where your wife is?"

He gets a serious look on his face as he walk away from her before saying "Dead" as he nears a door. He then gestures for her to come near, she does so. He opens the door to reveal a small bedroom, complete with a dresser and a small table with a mirror, with a window to the right of the bed. "Here you go, this is your room. Hang out in here 'till my kids get home."

He then turns and walks away to another door where he goes into another room. Isabell is sitting in her new room thinking of how odd Mr. Davis is. He had not acted cruel towards her like most masters, he did not chain her up in the room, and he seems like he has no clue as to what he is doing as far as how to act around her. She sighs as she lays her head down on the pillow and thinks of how it has been a good long while since she slept in a real bed, and now she has a master who has given her one in her own room. She could not help thinking that she has gone up in the world, even if she is still a slave, but she is a slave to a seemingly kind owner, and that was something big to her. She closed her eyes in an attempt to take a nap before the kids were to arrive and her real work is probably scheduled to begin.


Well there's that, it's a short chapter, but it gets longer chapters as the story goes along, so hang in there. Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed. If you have any advice, critiques, or whatever let me know.
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Re: The Adoptive Father (title subject to change)

#2 Post by 2plus2makes5 » Wed Mar 30, 2011 3:05 am

Interesting :D I really like the premise and amount of detail. Keep up the good work!
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Re: The Adoptive Father (title subject to change)

#3 Post by kevin » Fri Apr 01, 2011 1:51 am

Thank you, and I plan on it as long as the story doesn't bomb or anything.
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My 2K fan fic story ---> The Adoptive Father: Chapter 10 now up

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Re: The Adoptive Father (title subject to change)

#4 Post by Alleycat » Fri Apr 01, 2011 3:09 pm

I do love the premise, but it's very declarative and present-tensy. Sorry, I would give a better critique, but that's the best way I can phrase it. It's really off-putting to have it all written in present tense.
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Re: The Adoptive Father (title subject to change)

#5 Post by darktimes » Fri Apr 01, 2011 9:01 pm

great. the size is good too, makes one wonder, the character of the owner seems to be fairly distinct, but isabel.. lets see how it turns out in the next chapter.
I don't mind the tense form. From experience I can say that Present tense makes a text more engaging.
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Re: The Adoptive Father (title subject to change)

#6 Post by kevin » Sat Apr 02, 2011 4:12 am

Thanks y'all. I'm gonna be putting up chapter 2 tomorrow night.
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Re: The Adoptive Father (title subject to change)

#7 Post by kevin » Sun Apr 03, 2011 4:47 am

Forgive the double post, but here's the second chapter like I had said I was ganna put up.

Chapter 2

"Daddy we're home!"
Isabell's eyes shot open as a little girl's voice rang out. It was rather high pitched, typical of a young girl, but it was loud enough to hurt Isabell's ears a bit. She sits up in her bed as a boy's voice, this one sounding older than the girl, called out with "Dad! Where are you?" Followed by a man's voice calling out "Yeah Ron, come on out."

Isabell did not recognize the man's voice, and wondered who it was. She gets up from the bed and opens the door to meet the strangers. She sees a little girl, long blonde hair with a plain dress, a grown man, wearing clothes similar to her owner's but no glasses and lighter hair, and to her surprise a lone wolf Keidran boy, just a little taller than the girl and with the only clothing being a pair of pants. The group look at her funny, and she returns the look, then her owner comes out of his room and smiles real wide as the kids scream "Dad!" and rush to him hugging his legs tightly. He wraps his arms around them and asks "Hey y'all! How'd you youngins enjoy playing at uncle Wayne's?"

The kids then begin rambling on about all the fun they had, namely tying their cousin Jeff up to a tree and leaving him there while they ate lunch. Meanwhile the man stood his ground eying Isabell. The man then says to Ron "Hey Ron, what up with her?" while pointing at Isabell. Ron looks to him and then back at his kids saying "Y'all go play in your room for a bit, your uncle and me have to talk a little."

The kids run off and disappear into a hall way before a door is heard to open and slam shut. Ron looks to the man and asks "So how's you Wayne?"
"Good, just bringing your kids on home before I gotta head back and help Susan finish dinner."
Wayne then points to Isabell again and asks in a rather demanding tone "Now what's that thing doing here?"
"I bought her, what else? I fetched four hundred in gold for her at an auction down in the square today."
"What for?"
"Well since I got this new job I figured I wouldn't have much time left to take care of the kids as much as I need to. So, I figured I'd get a slave to work as a nanny while I'm away in town at the office or gone on business or working in the study. Basically she's gonna cook for the kids, bathe them, and watch over them rather than tossing them out at you and Susan all the time."

Ron then gestures for Isabell to come near, she does so. Ron then places his hand on her shoulder and says to Wayne "Wayne, I'd like you to meet Isabell." He then looks to Isabell and says "Isabell, this is my brother Wayne." Isabell nods politely as she says "Nice to meet you, sir." Wayne simply looks at her contemptly without saying a word. He then looks to Ron and says "Now Ron, you're honestly gonna trust your kids to her?"
"Why not?"
"She's an animal, that's why."
"So's my boy, according to that logic"
Wayne sighs a bit and replies "You know what I mean."
"I do, doesn't mean I like it. Now before you continue make a bigger fool outta yourself, I suggest you get on home to Susan while it's still light out. I'll see you later bro."
"Alright, see ya"
Wayne heads on out the door. Ron takes his glasses off to rub his eyes a bit. Isabell, well frankly she feels thoroughly insulted, aswell as confused on multiple levels. Isabell finally asks plainly "Okay, just what the hell is going on?"
"Hmm?" replies Ron as he places his glasses back on his face and adjusts them properly.
"Well for starters, what's up with the wolf boy back there calling you dad and you calling him son. What's more is, why does your brother seem to hate me with a passion?"
"Wayne's just hating for the sake of hating, don't you pay him no mind. As for my boy, he ain't none of your concern as to what's up with him."

Ron then calls the kids to come out of their room. They come running on out to him, causing him to snap at them to not run in the house. He then says to them "Now kids, I'd like to introduce y'all to Isabell, she's gonna be our, um, baby sitter of sorts for you two when I'm busy so I can stop throwing you at your aunt and uncle." The girls cries out "But dad! We like going to aunt Susan's and uncle Wayne's house."
"I didn't say you couldn't go there, I was just saying she can watch you and help take care of you if I can't cause of work or something, okay?"
"Oh alright"
"Good." Ron then looks to Isabell and says "Now Isabell, I'd like to introduce you to my kids." He points to the girl and says "That's my darling little girl Kate." He then points to the boy and says "And that there's my boy William." Isabell smiles politely and kneals down to eye level with the kids and says "Nice to meet you two." Without missing a beat Kate says to her "You're all hairy like William but a lot prettier."
"Why thank you, I guess"
William says to Kate smugly "I'm a boy sis, I'm not supposed to be pretty."
"You're just jealous cause you look stupid"
"Nuh uh!"
"Yeah huh!"
Ron stops them by saying somewhat annoyedly "Alright, that's enough of that. Kate, don't mess with your brother. William, learn to ignore what your sis says about you, you look alright."

Isabell tilts her head slightly as she thinks about what an odd bunch she is now having to be involved with. She's been bought by a workaholic who needs her to act as a nanny, he's got a brother who seems to hate Keidran, and one of his kids is a wolf Keidran, what more insanity is in store for her she wonders. Ron then tells the kids "Now y'all go back to playing in your room while I finish up some work."

The kids run off back to their room. Isabell stands back up from her knealing position and says "Well now, nice kids you have, mas- I mean Mr. Davis."
"Hmm, thanks. Now then, I need you to prepare dinner for the kidswhile I work. Don't worry about cooking for me, I'll get something on my own when I'm done. You get yourself something to eat too when you can."
"Yes, Mr. Davis, will do"
"Great, thanks"
Ron then goes back into the room he came out of, Isabell assumed it was the study he had mentioned before. Isabell also feels very odd, not just about what had just happended with Wayne and the kids, but by the simple fact that Ron actually said thanks to her, it's really the first time in her life that she was actually thanked by an owner, or even by a human period. She then went looking for the kitchen, finding it relatively easily. She then set to work of cooking a meal for the kids, aswell as some meat for herself.


Well there's chapter two, thank you for reading. Hope you enjoyed, and feedback is very appreciated.
My DA page---> http://kevinthompsonii.deviantart.com

My zombie survival story -----> New Haven: Prologue

My 2K fan fic story ---> The Adoptive Father: Chapter 10 now up

My story spin off of the old RP ---> Furcenaries: The Story

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Re: The Adoptive Father: Chapter 2 now up

#8 Post by Kaptain » Wed Apr 06, 2011 11:05 pm

I'm just gonna drop this email alert anchor here...

Yay! Fox kiedran ~^o^~ And wut? Wolf kiedran son? What

This thread just equipped Kaptain.

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Re: The Adoptive Father: Chapter 2 now up

#9 Post by furon117 » Thu Apr 07, 2011 3:01 am

+1 reader, great story and I'm looking forward to the next update.
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Re: The Adoptive Father: Chapter 2 now up

#10 Post by darktimes » Thu Apr 07, 2011 3:42 pm

you hooked me. keep this going.
This thing all things devours:
Birds, beasts, trees, flowers;
Gnaws iron, bites steel;
Grinds hard stones to meal;
Slays king, ruins town,
And beats high mountain down.

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Re: The Adoptive Father: Chapter 2 now up

#11 Post by kevin » Sat Apr 09, 2011 12:25 am

Thanks, glad y'all like the story thus far. I plan on updating with another chapter either some time tonight or sometime this weekend.
My DA page---> http://kevinthompsonii.deviantart.com

My zombie survival story -----> New Haven: Prologue

My 2K fan fic story ---> The Adoptive Father: Chapter 10 now up

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Re: The Adoptive Father: Chapter 2 now up

#12 Post by kevin » Sun Apr 10, 2011 3:55 am

Well, here's the third chapter. I'm not too happy with how it came out, but I thought I'd address some stuff early on. It's not an exciting chapter, but the next one is a little less serious and a lot more interesting in my opinion.

Chapter 3

As the afternoon wore on into evening, then from evening into night, Isabell did as she was told. She had cooked a dinner for the kids, taken care of the scraps, washed the dishes, put them away after having dried them, and then put the kids to bed. Isabell then went to go to bed herself, but it occured to her that Ron had never come out of his study to get anything to eat. She then decides to check on him. She opens the door to his study and leans her head in asking "Mister Davis, aren't you gonna eat?"

There was no reply from him as he say at his desk. She walk over to him and found that he was sound asleep, candle still burning, papers all over his desk, pen in hand, with his head laying on a book. Isabell tried to wake him by pushing on his shoulder saying "Mister Davis, you need to-eep!" Just as she started pushing his shoulder, Ron's hand snapped up and grabbed her arm and his eyes shot open. He looked at her with questioning eyes before realizing who she was. He released her arm and said "Sorry about that, you startled me." He then rubs his eyes after taking his glasses off and asks "Now then, what is it?"
"I was trying to tell you that you need to get something to eat and go to bed."
"Oh, okay. Yeah I really should"

He then gets up from his desk, blows the candle out, and he and Isabell leave the room. He heads for the kitchen, she heads for her room, but Ron calls to her saying "Hey, Isabell, come here. I wanna talk to you real quick" She does as ordered and heads into the kitchen after him. By the time she gets there he's already eating some bread and meat. He asks "So how were the kids?"
"Fine, like kids I guess. Why?"
"Well, they've only ever really known me as a parent, so I was wondering how they were with someone they don't know taking care of them. What's more is, I'm feeling a little guilty that I have to have you take care of my kids."

Ron took another bite of food and chewed rather quietly. Isabell could sense him feeling uneasy, she was a little uneasy herself quite frankly. Even so, she felt compelled to ask some questions that had been dwelling at the back of her mind for hours. Summoning some courage, she asks Ron "Mister Davis, I know I shouldn't ask but, I have to."
"Ask what?" inquires Ron with a curious look on his face.
"Well, I have to know. Just why do you have a wolf Keidran as a son? And what's more, and please forgive me for asking but, what happened to your wife?"
Ron sighs with a depressed look on his face before looking at her saying "You just won't leave that alone, will you?" Isabell shrugs, not really knowing how to respond. Ron looks down towards the floor and says "Well, it's all rather complicated. First off, my wife Clara died a few years after we got married. She came down with a severe fever and died. The worst part was that she died in my arms, after days of me doing all I could to help her, it came to nothing."

Ron wiped away a small tear he felt welling in his eye. He let out a deep sigh and continued "After that, with my little girl Kate only being three years old, I didn't know what I'd do. For a long time, I wasn't able to be happy at all. Clara was the sweetest girl I ever knew, and she also gave me more love than most of my family. At one point I got so depressed that my parents took Kate for a while, telling me I needed to sort things out."

Isabell felt bad for having asked for the story on Ron's wife. She stood with ears drooping as he talked. Ron cleared his throat and seemed to talk a little happier as he continued "But after a while, I did get better. But I was still quite unhappy. Then, one day when I was off in town taking care of business, I saw that there was a slave auction going on. There weren't many people at the auction, but I thought I'd check it out and see what poor creatures were on the block this time. I went on over and there were some different Keidran in a big wheeled cage. One was a little wolf boy, just a pup, skinny as a rail and sitting alone in a corner. Poor thing looked like he was about dead, must've been captured and either seperated from his parents, or his parents were killed. I don't know why, but the look in his eyes and just the way he looked, along with how young he was, made me feel really bad for him. So, I bought him on an impulse. He didn't cost much. When they put him in my arms, he felt as light as a feather. I think he was only a few months old to begin with."
"Wait" interupted Isabell, "so you bought him to take care of him? Not because you wanted him to work for you or anything?"
"Yeah, it's weird I know, but it's the truth. Guess you coud say I adopted him rather than bought him."

Isabell tilted her head slightly, curious as to why Ron had done that. She had never really seen such compassion out of a human before, especially a fully grown one. Ron finished his food off, what little he had, and told her "Long story short, I nursed him to health. At first I thought I'd sell him once he was good enough, but I became attached to him. He was really the only thing that had made me happy since Clara died. At first he could barely stay awake, or alive for that matter, but after about a month he became like any other boy. Sort of. He also acted like a dog, always pouncing on people and bugs, growling when mad, and he loved to crawl into my bed to sleep. Basically though, I became a new father for him, he became my son, and I do believe he helped me get outta my depression."

Ron clapped his hands together and said "Well, that's the story. Or at least as much as I'm gonna share, especially since I'm tired as hell."
"Okay then. Thanks, that actually told me all I really need to know."
"Great. Then I'm heading to bed before I pass out on the damned floor."
"Okay, mister Davis. Good night"
"Good night to you too, Isabell. See you tomorrow, and thanks for taking care of the kids"

Ron left the kitchen and went down the hall past the kids' room to his bedroom. Isabell went to her room and laid in bed, feeling somewhat confused about what Ron had told her. What man buys a boy to raise after losing his wife? What made him show such sympathy and compassion for a Keidran? These and other question went through her mind, for she had never heard of such a thing. What is more is the fact that, as a slave, she had always seen hardship and cuelty out of most humans, so this threw that out the window. Clearly, she'd have to take her time to get to know the real Ron and why he really was the way he was.


Thank you for reading. Any feed back is nice. Also, if you feel like asking a question or something please do so.

Edit; something I should mention. When Clara died, Kate was only three. By this time in the story, the current time, she is now five yours old and William is two years old.
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My zombie survival story -----> New Haven: Prologue

My 2K fan fic story ---> The Adoptive Father: Chapter 10 now up

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Re: The Adoptive Father: Chapter 3 now up

#13 Post by Jay-Say » Sun Apr 10, 2011 4:10 am

Quite nice kevin. I don't see how you couldn't like Ch.3, I thought it came out pretty well.

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Re: The Adoptive Father: Chapter 3 now up

#14 Post by kevin » Tue Apr 12, 2011 1:00 am

Why thank you, Jay-Say. As for the chapter, meh, I just think I could have done better. At the time I wrote it I was hoping to not have it be all talking from Ron, but that's what happened. Though looking back, I will admit it is better than it could have been.
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Re: The Adoptive Father: Chapter 3 now up

#15 Post by Kaptain » Tue Apr 12, 2011 1:26 am

This chapter built backstory! All dialogue or not, it accomplished it's objective. Henceforth, god chapter :3

Objective or not, I gobbled it up. I love reading, and you write some good reading. I can, however, sympathize with your feeling it wasn't too good. I always think my stories suck... That's why I don't post em on the internet. You sir, are braver than I ^_^
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