Silverlocks 11 [in progress][DEFINITELY NSFW]

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Bellhead
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Re: Silverlocks 11 [in progress][DEFINITELY NSFW]

#31 Post by Bellhead »

A nice, gentle recovery from the hell that was that endeavor. I still say you should just post the new chapter where you announce it...

Karen's character, though. You NAILED it. Nicely done.
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Re: Silverlocks 11 [in progress][DEFINITELY NSFW]

#32 Post by Technic[Bot] »

I agree with Me Bell getting the new chapter where announced would be easier.

In any case interesting. I like how keith is worried about nat. It really captures the cute "young couple" dynamic where neither can stay too far from each other for too long, because they miss each other. And in this case Nat did go to a very dangerous place so worrying is actually garanteed.

In other note cuts in the legs, particularly the thighs are dangerous. There are really a lot of important veins and arteries down in our legs so much so a wrong cut can kill you....
Sorry I really like your story but this is a pet peeve for me...
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Bellhead
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Re: Silverlocks 11 [in progress][DEFINITELY NSFW]

#33 Post by Bellhead »

To be fair, the description of it seems quite on-point to me.
Spoiler! Slightly grody
It wasn't a deep or wide cut, but was nasty nonetheless. And anything close to a vein or artery would cause immense bleeding, regardless of the cut size. I remember I once had to have a coworker bandage my arm with a cloth rag because actual bandages couldn't stop the bleeding from a pinprick. Dripped all over, too.. from a cut too small to see. Now if Nat had a cut from a busted window, big enough to see, he'd still likely be bleeding profusely for several minutes, even given proper care. To say nothing of the elevated physical stress and adrenaline he'd have had going on at the time.
The way I see it, if that cut is as bad as it seems, Nat was lucky to be conscious, if only from stress. He'll probably be bedridden for this for at least a day, less magic can heal him. But even at that, it didn't end so well last time...
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Re: Silverlocks 11 [in progress][DEFINITELY NSFW]

#34 Post by TheMasterOfOats »

Haha, I’ll start posting in the announcements. Also, thanks for the feedback, I’ll see how I can work that in.
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Re: Silverlocks 11 [in progress][DEFINITELY NSFW]

#35 Post by TheMasterOfOats »

And here's chapter 8! For all 2 of you asking for me to put it here, good news! No longer do you need to scroll to the top, you can't scroll to the top! Forum posts have a max of 60k characters (I guess to prevent insanely long spam threads. But that's still a lot! We got 7 chapters and my useless commentary in one.) So rejoice, for now checking the original post is totally, 102% useless.

Meanwhile, here's the chapter.
Spoiler!
The dust gently sifted down to the attic floor, where it was kicked up again by the rising and falling of the templar's breath. He gently breathed, in, out, over again, until....

He sneezed.

The sudden commotion jerked him awake. As his sinuses recovered, he noted his position: he was tied up, his hands to his feet. Bent over backwards, he was perched on his stomach, rolled slightly onto his head to account for his extra gut.

That brown slut must have tied me up, he thought to himself. But then he noticed his surroundings: he was in a dusty room, slanted ceilings, wall-to-wall books, a very short-looking doorframe. Holy crap, I gotta get out!

"Let me out!!!" he screamed, his voice cracking from his dry throat. He squirmed, trying to free himself from captivity. "I'll kill you all!"

|---------------------------------------------------------|

Raine's ears perked up to a distant thumping. Had she been human, she'd have missed it, but as a wolf....

Well, this form's not all bad. She thought to herself. Shaking off sleep, she rolled out of bed and into a housecoat. Tying the coat loosely around her, she cracked the door open and poked her head through. The thumping was more audible now, and even some curses were getting through. She stepped fully into the hall.

I should see if Natani is awake, Raine thought to herself. he--she? Natani would know what to do. Raine tiptoed over to Natani's room and gently knocked. Putting an ear to the door, she heard nothing. Raine prayed for the best and cracked the door.

Oh gods, not again! Raine panicked at what she saw: Keith and Natani, nestled together in bed. But as she awkwardly turned around, she heard a snore. A mighty sawing of logs that could only have come from Natani's lungs. Raine breathed a sigh of relief. no sex, hallelujah. Raine quietly shut the heavy door and set off to it alone. As she pulled down the hidden ladder to the attic, Raine had a realization: What if he uses magic on me? We didn't mana sink him. Taking no chances, Raine looked around at the decoration in the manor.

The manor was decorated entirely as a templar. No swords, shields, or halberds to speak of. No armour, crossbows, or anything remotely dangerous lining the halls. Raine settled for the next best thing: Bloodshed and Unity by Leonard Olistoy. She found the great volume on her very first journey to the attic, and had read it twice (the book contained both human and keidran in the same edition. Same book, double thick.) in as many days. She noted the layer of dust was much thinner on it than other books. She hefted the tome onto her shoulder and stepped through the attic doorway.

The templar lay, bound and hogtied, on the ground. Raine cleared her throat, trying to sound brave.

"*ahem*," She said. "I... uh... we need you for a special task."

"Where am I." The templar replied curtly, showing great disdain for the keidran standing over him.

"Ans--"

"WHERE THE HELL AM I!" the man screamed, shaking violently. Raine flinched and held the mighty book over her head, ready to club him with it. Getting no reply from the shy wolf, he spat at her. "You [female dog], I'm a templar. Does that strike fear into your keidran heart?"

Something snapped inside Raine. She knew she'd get Zen back, she swore it to herself and Natani. She wasn't going to get pushed around by some horny, incapacitated ex-templar. She dropped the book on his back, knocking the wind out of him. As he gasped for air, she knelt down beside him, grabbed his jaw with a clawed hand, and whispered in his ear. "You know what? Technically, I am a [female dog]. But I'm also a Silverlock." The templar paled when he heard the name of the former Grand Templar. "Does that strike fear in your human heart? Good. Because I've got a friend who's hurt and a thousand books saying you'll heal him. And I'm not afraid to drop every single one on your head to make you do it."

Raine stood from her threatening pose and walked to the door. She was brimming with excitement and confidence, so when the templar asked "What about the big sexy brown one? Is she here?" Raine played on the fear in his voice.

"Oh yeah," her voice remained cool, calm, and collected. "It's her brother you're going to heal. She's an assassin, so if you fail, you're lucky if she just cuts your balls off." Raine walked confidently out of the room, along the small hall and down the ladder. She'd come back for the templar, once Zen was safe and ready.

Raine was, for the first time in a while, happy. She was safe, things were going smoothly, and she was going to get her friend back. She flopped back onto her bed and rested her hands on her stomach. Then she noticed: her hands were human. She was human! In her excitement, she must have calmed down enough to change back.

And the best part is, Zen's coming back soon! She thought to herself, closing her eyes and letting out a sigh.

Somewhere in the back of her mind, a voice rang out. "Why do you want him back?"

Raine's eyes snapped open. Her yellow eyes stared back at her.

"AAAAH!" She screamed. Her wolf self was projected in front of her. Or was she projected? Raine realized the landscape around her was not her bedroom in the Legacy Estate, but an ethereal forest. "W-wuh... wh... where am I?" she stammered, the words spilling out of her mouth like some seriously chunky soup.

"This is your mind." the wolf replied. "You're dreaming." The wolf resembled Raine but was much more attractive then Raine believed herself to be. "You're here because we needed to talk." the wolf replied before Raine could even ask the question. "Why do we want Zen back?"

Raine was taken aback by the question. "Because he's my friend." Her answer was flat, but the emotions were flooding through her.

"You sure he's not more than that?"

"Yes! Is this going to continue or are you going to let me out?" She was becoming angry, stressed even. She knew where the conversation was going.

"Raine face it. You're in love with Zen. I know you are, because... I am."

The tears were flowing down human Raine's face now, her nerves breaking down. Raine came to her knees once more, grabbing fistfuls of hair in a desperate attempt to wake up. "No, no, no! Mother said I'm human! I don't love wolves, I love humans! There's nothing between me and Zen!"

As the last words escaped her mouth, she snapped awake. Tears streamed down her again-furred face, mingling with her cold sweat.

Natani stood awkwardly in the doorway. "We heard you screaming... are you ok?"

"I'm fine... I'm fine." Raine replied. But inwardly, a storm brewed.

How much does Zen really mean to me?
I know, I know, this one drags on like Casino Royale, but I felt like doing something dumb and put all my ideas here. Enjoy!
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Re: Silverlocks 11 [in progress][DEFINITELY NSFW]

#36 Post by Bellhead »

Actually, no it doesn't. The pacing feels right on, and Raine's behavior is very much relatable and realistic. The protagonists can't be fighting all the time, or the battle loses meaning. This was a nice change of pace, without being very dialogue-heavy. This honestly might be my favorite chapter yet.

Can't help but feel the dread of foreshadowing in that line, "for the first time in a while". But I'm glad to see her genuinely and purely happy, even if only for a few minutes. And the pacing of this chapter portrays it beautifully. Well done.
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Re: Silverlocks 11 [in progress][DEFINITELY NSFW]

#37 Post by Technic[Bot] »

Personally I prefer these more character driven sections rather than intense action sequences. I think written word is more fit for the former and motion media, like cinema, for the latter.

Lovely chapter, I really like how Raine conflict with what she is. Or at the end of the day: What she wants to be. Also I really like happy and confident Raine. When asked 120% of people answered that best Raine is Happy Raine!
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Re: Silverlocks 11 [in progress][DEFINITELY NSFW]

#38 Post by TheMasterOfOats »

Technic[Bot] wrote: Tue Sep 15, 2020 2:41 am Personally I prefer these more character driven sections rather than intense action sequences. I think written word is more fit for the former and motion media, like cinema, for the latter.

Lovely chapter, I really like how Raine conflict with what she is. Or at the end of the day: What she wants to be. Also I really like happy and confident Raine. When asked 120% of people answered that best Raine is Happy Raine!
Haha, yes, I’ve been told I either write like I’m having a conversation or I’m writing a screenplay. It’s been fun writing more like an actual book. I’ll probably re-write most (more like all) of the chapters, just to clean up plot holes and just do some general polishing.

Also, only 120%? I’ve heard that statistic as high as 130%.
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