Jesus saves and takes half damage, RP hilarity here.

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Alex Darkscore
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Re: Jesus saves and takes half damage, RP hilarity here.

#91 Post by Alex Darkscore »

I'm pretty sure this died but i'll post anyway

We were doing a reversal dungeon and were all lvl. 0 goblins. there were 5 of us and 2 npc's. we had set up a few traps after we had discovered adventurers were coming. namely floor spike's and fish head stew. the invading party was a human fighter an elven mage and a dwarven fighter. One of us was stationed at the entrance of the cave in front of the spikes, 3 of us were stationed down the cave down a hill. the rest of us were behind a bend at the back of the cave everyone except for the front guy had a pot of the rankest foulest most distubingly disgusting smelling pots of fishead stew, except mack (my strong one) who had two. the front guy threw his spear at the human and ran after it hit him. The mage who had started casting a spell at this time screamed no as the fighter started running after the goblin. he then tripped fell and landed in the spikes piercing his armor and holding him there for the rest of the fight for about 4 damage. the goblin who ran had set of the the first rain of fishhead stew as when he came into view the 3 goblins started up the hill and threw the stew at the invaders. the first shot hit the impaled fighter and did 1d4 point's of damage. this caused the fighter to gag the elf to choke and the dwarf to twist his head in disgust. the second and third pot landed around them causing more hilarity as the invaders choked even more. by then the rest of us got to the front and mack threw his pot at the mage... natural 20 it hit him dead center of his face. needless to say the mage doubled over and [censored] puked his brain's out(not litterally). the others threw their pots at the dwarf and disgusted him to the point of starting to think of retreating.after the next round of goblins closing in we started attacking the invaders with spears. 3 goblins kept attaking the fighter as he slowly died over 5 round's. the others started to atack the dwarf also missing a vast mogority of the time. eventually they grappled him and started attacking from there. during this mack ran over and "finished" the mage who was incapacited while concious :grin:. they front guy who had run back to the village had rallied almost the ENTIRE VILLAGE to kill the dwarf. when they got there they promptly grappled the dwarf and started mauling him to death. needless to say again the entire party made it to lvl. 1 that day.
okay this is funny
Son:Its ok dad. its not your fault your an epic fail, it's in your dna.
Dad: Ummmm...
Son: OH SH**
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Talaisan
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Re: Jesus saves and takes half damage, RP hilarity here.

#92 Post by Talaisan »

I'll relay a real gem from before many of you were born, from the hoary days of AD&D, the dark and forgotten days that led up to all of these various games...
My Dad wrote:So, our fighter had died, our cleric had died, and the only one we had left that could rez them was the druid. So, he casts reincarnate, the cleric comes up, DM makes the roll... he stays himself, just changes from Dwarf to Elf. There's a bit of a theological problem there, so while he's trying to reconcile his external elf with his internal dwarf, the druid picks up the fighter and reincarnates him. The DM rolls...
"Half-Elf."
"Cool! What's the other half?"
*dice rolling*
"Badger."
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Helinon
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Re: Jesus saves and takes half damage, RP hilarity here.

#93 Post by Helinon »

So, in these homebrew campaigns for D&D 3.5 i play with my friends, we have a Paladin of Tyranny (LE Paladin), a LE Monk, a True Neutral Ranger and, up until recently, a True Neutral Half-Orc Barbarian. Now, this group would be a fairly normal group if not for one thing. The ranger. The ranger has 9 intelligence and 18 wisdom so we always joke around about how dumb his character is. Well, this is his backstory. He was raised by bears. Yes. Bears. and also, And i quote, "Mama Bear taught me how to speak Common!". He was also enrolled in Wisdom College, where Intelligence doesn't matter, and he has a strange obsessive fascination with his rope. And because of our paladin's high charisma and personally history with the ranger, we allow the paladin to say, "He's got your rope! Get him!" to which the ranger will drop his bow, draw his sword and charge the person the paladin pointed out with no regard for his safety while yelling at the top of his lungs "ROOOOOOOOOOPE!!!". The funniest thing about it is that half the time the paladin does this, the rope is in plain sight and the ranger has ranks in spot. also, we make jokes about how Mind Flayer wont touch the rangers brain and actually SYMPATHIZE with the paladin, and that if the ranger ever got 1 more point of intelligence, He would suddenly be dressed in a fine suit, with a cane in one hand and a cup of tea in the other. he would then say, "i am not aware of what has come over me my dear fellow, but i suspect that this oddity has something to do with the delightful cup of tea in my hand which I believe to be Earl Grey." He is the reason for most of the laughs in my party. There is so much more about him I could post, but i'll just leave you with one last thing. He is compelled to ask any friendly person he meets where babies come from. He hasn't gotten a answer so far.
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Alex Darkscore
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Re: Jesus saves and takes half damage, RP hilarity here.

#94 Post by Alex Darkscore »

Wow :shock: that's funny :mrgreen:
okay this is funny
Son:Its ok dad. its not your fault your an epic fail, it's in your dna.
Dad: Ummmm...
Son: OH SH**
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Helinon
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Re: Jesus saves and takes half damage, RP hilarity here.

#95 Post by Helinon »

Okay, I got another one for you guys, This time with a different group. This group is actually Good aligned. We have a NG Cleric, a TN Barbarian, a TN Scout (For those who don't know, think rouge and ranger combined), and a LG Fighter. Now we were fighting a water elemental that I, the cleric, had accidentally released from a sealed Iron barrel, and combat was about to begin. Our barbarian decided to try and DRINK the elemental. he rolled high enough so the dm allowed it, but the things fast healing got rid of any damage. once we had defeated it, we found sapphires littering the water that the elemental had once been. So, the barbarian then says, "So since I drank it, does that mean i piss out sapphires?" We all broke out into laughter and the dm, in all his awesomeness, allowed him to pass a sapphire kidney stone. the barbarian then said "I have the golden rectum of the GODS! I piss sapphire kidney stones and crap gold!"
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Ster Zetanee
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Re: Jesus saves and takes half damage, RP hilarity here.

#96 Post by Ster Zetanee »

I joined the DnD club at my school (college) and we already had the stuff on some of the levels of this thread so I am proud to say i love it.

I am sure some stories will come up with time.
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Re: Jesus saves and takes half damage, RP hilarity here.

#97 Post by kelkjo25 »

There was this god modder on this old gaiaonline RP I was in
Tokakiru wrote:....* grins *...:twisted:
* punches hole through where your heart should be *
....now...wats right again?..
..* looks at hole where your heart is *
and just so u know there is no hope...
* reappears next to her heart *
* sets the heart on fire and stomps on it *
:twisted:
asfasd

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Re: Jesus saves and takes half damage, RP hilarity here.

#98 Post by tony1695 »

Okay, this was a while back, so I may get a few details wrong.
Basically, we played Ironclaw for the first time earlier this month. I was a fox bounty hunter/elementalist, someone else was a cat thaumaturge/something else (can't remember what), and the GM, who also had a character, was a badger noble of some kind.
Basically, I was the tallest character at 18 hands, the other two at 12. The cat had a habit of pissing my guy off, so much so that I actually removed half his ear. And we were supposed to be working together.
I also accidentally set fire to someone I was trying to help. Completely failed the roll, and the GM decided to be a [censored].
But the best part was the hospital the cat, who had the flaw of being an agnostic, went to. It was run by, and I kid you not, The Order of The Holy Hand Grenade.
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Re: Jesus saves and takes half damage, RP hilarity here.

#99 Post by Riokan »

ho my finally through and you guys surely got alot of funny stuff happening but i got some good ones too haha ^^


ok this group runs at the moment with me, it's a TDE group first editon cause it easier to play and more fun.(some newbies in the group)

the group was made of 4 adventurers and a dwarf my adventurer is Ian a crook, my buddy (who is mastering) was... dang forgot his name but that guy is a baberic, then we got Liam a Poet and Nadeshico a amzone and as said marni Ironfist the dwarf.

at first we had to kick some bandits out of a town but found a simple underground system in the middle of the town where it was took us forever to get out. when we where out we found our self in some woods and didn't know where we where so we went to the woods it was full of giant spiderwebs and stuff.

finally when we decided to build our little camp i started with the first shift cause my crook was abit paranoid and he was right there was something and he seemed to be a problem he throw a piece of meat out and the thing glared at it. after a while i woke the others up saying there is something out there.

after a while the thing took the flesh and attacked us right after it
so i took a piece of burning wood and throw it at it and missed the others where finally able to attack and the dwarf startte trying to beat it with his little shield
after a long battle wit alot fail moments (me tripping over the dwarf cause i tried to make a epic move and avterwards being attacked by that thing) the thing died cause a treebranch fell down and we saw the entire wood was burnin cause we tried to kill it with fire (bad pun intend) and we fleed and burned down an entire wood.
was kinda awkward for us. (everyone took damage of it)
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Re: Jesus saves and takes half damage, RP hilarity here.

#100 Post by Twippit »

Ok, I was playing DnD 3.5 as twin halfbreed dwarf/halfling rouges (thieves). Very fun, we had good times.

The best part was that the DM was more nooby than me.

My chars shared this bag of holding that could hold any amount of anything infinitely, so long as it fit in the mouth of the bag and wasn't magical. The mouth of the bag was 10' by 10'. This was I think the worst mistake I've ever seen a DM make.

I had practically anything you would need in there, from large bags of salt to (at one point) the queen Elizabeth of England's personal carriage.

Well, it was late in the campaign, everybody was about 16th-18th level. We were deep into the Abyss (DnD equivalent of Hell), and there was a giant demon/dragon/SOMETHING charging at us. So I call over to the party's wizard and barbarian, an elf and a minotaur, respectively. We talked in secret for a while, then the wizard announces that he's casting a spell on the minotaur to make him about 3x taller (24'). Then the minotaur says he's going into his rage.

That's when I say I open up my bag for him, from which he pulls out an entier SHIP.

Yeah, I stole three boats a few months back. They were bigg'uns, too.

Well, the minotaur picks up the boat and smashes it on the head of the dragon, but the boat shattered completely (the DM decided that unless he rolled a crit, the boat would break), still doing about 250+ damage.

So the next round rolls around, and the minotaur grabs the second boat and rolls a crit on his first attack, doing 300+ damage, then breaks the second boat on his second attack, doing again 250+ damage, but it didn’t matter much because he killed the dragon.

The DM was not, I mean NOT happy with me. Turns out he was trying to kill the party so we could start over. No such luck! We ended up using the third boat to ride down the river Styx.

I loved that campaign… *Sigh of happiness*
Hey. Been a while. I'm on discord at Twippit#9645. See ya around sometime, maybe.

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Orky Kultur
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Re: Jesus saves and takes half damage, RP hilarity here.

#101 Post by Orky Kultur »

well, my own event rather pales in comparison to the stupidity of your DM...

my Dm is evil. Not only do his dice hate me, but he railroads us massively (we had three instances of 'you all fall asleep and wake up somewhere else mysteriously' in as many in-game days). also, he employs the critical fail rule

For once, this turned to our advantage. Because he and half the group are going on study leave in a few weeks (its a school-based group) he tried to speed up our battle with some random acolyte people by putting us on a high pathway that dropped away steeply on both sides.

Of the six that didn't get caught in a tanglefoot bag, I managed to hit sensory gloom on one of them. Then the squishy mage lobbed a grappling hook, which stuck fast with the rope running more or less parrallel to the slope. you can perhaps guess what happened next - it didn't matter to us because the only loot they had on them were the weapons and robes they carried. The part that makes this particularly hilarious is that one acolyte, attempting to bull rush me off the side that didn't even have a trip-rope, managed to critical fail everything and essentially just ran and launched himself off the edge for no real reason.
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Re: Jesus saves and takes half damage, RP hilarity here.

#102 Post by Twippit »

That's actually a great one hahaha, I like it! Tanglefoot bags are great. Speaking of which...

Once I had a bladeling character, which is basicly a purple spiky person with rough skin. I was walking a tightrope over a band of evil gnolls when our team bard thought it would be funny to cast Otto's Irrisistable Dance on me. STUPID! So our dwarf fighter decides to keep me from falling, he'll throw a tanglefoot bag at me. DOUBLE STUPID! I fell off the rope, and to top it off, I thought, you know, the party is being a real dick... So the whole way down I screamed the position of my teammates.
Hey. Been a while. I'm on discord at Twippit#9645. See ya around sometime, maybe.

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Re: Jesus saves and takes half damage, RP hilarity here.

#103 Post by Twippit »

You know, I wasn't even RPing for this story, but I think it's appropriate to put here. This happened to me this monday, and I thought of you guys.
So I was out walking Monday and I passed the feild, like usual, only unlike usual, this time there were seven LARPers LARPing. (LARP, btw, stands for Live Action Role Play. For those of you who don't know, it's where you dress up as your dwarven warrior and run outside with cardboard swords. I find it amusing, but I digress.)
Well, these LARPers started to follow me. So I turn around and go, "You guys are creeping me out!" And this guy in a kilt in the back replies, "O good sir, do not be creeped out by our presence! We have been questing to find the 'man of no hair' for many moons!" (I recently had my head shaved.) So I go, "Seriously?" And the dude in the front (I think he was a bard, he had an actual real-life lute strapped to his back) says, "You are the only one who knows where to find the Brassier of Male Mind-Control! Please tell us where it is located so we might give it to Lolth!" and I start to get where this is going, so I go, "All right, I will tell you -AFTER you do a little fetch quest for me!" And this other guy, the only guy in their party who had a real sword (this guy was BIG), says, "Anything! Yes, tell us!" so I say, "Go down to Taco Bell and get me a Five-Layer Beefy Burrito, and I will tell you where to find this Brassier.”
Well, amusingly enough, they actually did it! About a half-hour later, they came back with a Five-Layer Beefy Burrito and gave it to me, free of charge! So, thinking quickly, I told them that they should find it at Victoria’s Secret and left.
Hey. Been a while. I'm on discord at Twippit#9645. See ya around sometime, maybe.

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Re: Jesus saves and takes half damage, RP hilarity here.

#104 Post by no.responce »

As funny as LARPers are they're getting on my nerves, twice this week I've been accused of being 'The Dread Wizard Fumblemore' and it just happened to have to be in the middle of town. I've taken to hideing a couple of mousetraps beside my bed in case their groups rouge comes to kill me in the night
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Re: Jesus saves and takes half damage, RP hilarity here.

#105 Post by Lief »

no.responce wrote:As funny as LARPers are they're getting on my nerves, twice this week I've been accused of being 'The Dread Wizard Fumblemore' and it just happened to have to be in the middle of town. I've taken to hideing a couple of mousetraps beside my bed in case their groups rouge comes to kill me in the night
Just don't get up in the middle of the night and try to put your "slippers" on! :P

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