Jesus saves and takes half damage, RP hilarity here.

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TheNewGirl
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Re: Jesus saves and takes half damage, RP hilarity here.

#106 Post by TheNewGirl »

I was playing a Dark Heresy game with a few friends and my boyfriend was the GM. His best friend made a character:

"the name's Rabbi Reverend Brother Father Mother Uncle Ruckus, no relation." (announced in a perfect Uncle Ruckus accent, might I add.)

His equipment included the following:

"a noose, a whip, a branding iron, a job application, manacles, and a collar."

Any time we met a new character, he asked what color it was. He gained +2 on attacks to foes with dark skin, and felt compelled to protect any character with pure white skin. Easily the most entertaining character I've ever played alongside :)
"Challenge me, dare me, even defy me. But never underestimate me, for on the back of my horse anything is possible."

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Re: Jesus saves and takes half damage, RP hilarity here.

#107 Post by Lief »

TheNewGirl wrote:I was playing a Dark Heresy game with a few friends and my boyfriend was the GM. His best friend made a character:

"the name's Rabbi Reverend Brother Father Mother Uncle Ruckus, no relation." (announced in a perfect Uncle Ruckus accent, might I add.)

His equipment included the following:

"a noose, a whip, a brandif iron, a job application, manacles, and a collar."

Any time we met a new character, he asked what color it was. He gained +2 on attacks to foes with dark skin, and felt compelled to protect any character with pure white skin. Easily the most entertaining character I've ever played alongside :)
Thanks for nearly making me choke on my drink! That's gotta be hilarious.

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Re: Jesus saves and takes half damage, RP hilarity here.

#108 Post by SirSlaughter »

Gabriel of creosha wrote:
Lief wrote:
TheNewGirl wrote:I was playing a Dark Heresy game with a few friends and my boyfriend was the GM. His best friend made a character:

"the name's Rabbi Reverend Brother Father Mother Uncle Ruckus, no relation." (announced in a perfect Uncle Ruckus accent, might I add.)

His equipment included the following:

"a noose, a whip, a brandif iron, a job application, manacles, and a collar."

Any time we met a new character, he asked what color it was. He gained +2 on attacks to foes with dark skin, and felt compelled to protect any character with pure white skin. Easily the most entertaining character I've ever played alongside :)
Thanks for nearly making me choke on my drink! That's gotta be hilarious.
And.... this is we in uncle ruckus we trust, thank you boondocks.
I-I can't breath!....I-It's just so funny! LMAO!

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TheNewGirl
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Re: Jesus saves and takes half damage, RP hilarity here.

#109 Post by TheNewGirl »

SirSlaughter wrote:
Gabriel of creosha wrote:
Lief wrote:
TheNewGirl wrote:I was playing a Dark Heresy game with a few friends and my boyfriend was the GM. His best friend made a character:

"the name's Rabbi Reverend Brother Father Mother Uncle Ruckus, no relation." (announced in a perfect Uncle Ruckus accent, might I add.)

His equipment included the following:

"a noose, a whip, a brandif iron, a job application, manacles, and a collar."

Any time we met a new character, he asked what color it was. He gained +2 on attacks to foes with dark skin, and felt compelled to protect any character with pure white skin. Easily the most entertaining character I've ever played alongside :)
Thanks for nearly making me choke on my drink! That's gotta be hilarious.
And.... this is we in uncle ruckus we trust, thank you boondocks.
I-I can't breath!....I-It's just so funny! LMAO!
I see you all like my Uncle Ruckus story. Here's another!

So we came to the end of the (horror) campaign and were all basically mind-[censored] by the daemon in charge. Each character went into a trance and saw their worst fear, and the daemon offered them a way to overcome it if they swore fealty to it.

GM: You are surrounded in a dense crowd, millions of people pressing around you. You fight your way to the front and you see- You see a sign that says "ELECT YOUR GOD-EMPEROR!" On one pedestal you see a young man with the most beautiful, flawless ivory skin, blond hair and blue eyes. He smiles benevolently upon all the people; he's the God Emperor up for reelection.
And on the other pedestal you see a black man- sneaky-looking, evil, squinting suspiciously at the crowds around him, using words he don't really know!
And what's this?! The black man is winning the election!

Uncle Ruckus: WHAT NIGGATRY IS THIS?! You don't elect a God-Emperor!

GM: You hear a voice, very soothing and sincere. It tells you that it can change the course of history, it can make the black man loose like he should, and put the white man on the golden throne. All you have to do is swear fealty.

UR: NEVER! The black man will never win! I have faith in the white man!

GM: You suddenly see the people flocking to the black man, laying flowers at his feet, bowing to him-

UR: LIES! LIES!

GM: The voice tells you that the black man has almost won- a single vote can sway the election. If you swear fealty, the voice says, the black man will lose the election.

UR: THIS IS A LIE I SAY! You do not vote for God-Emperor! Nobody would vote for a black man! A black man can't even run for office! I will not swear fealty to your niggatry!

GM: The scene around you disappears into blackness as the daemon chuckles ominously.


Yeah, that was a great campaign. All but two of the characters involved swore fealty to the Daemon. Uncle Ruckus, and my character, The Psyker (she had a thing about names). In the end, The Psyker broke and swore fealty to avoid being cast into the Void, and Uncle Ruckus spent his last two fate points to rig all of his firebombs and frag grenades to explode at the same time. He killed himself, me, and another character. The only other member of our party had gone corrupt long before, gaining Daemonhost powers from the Daemon in charge of the haunted ship. The grenades exploded about two tiles away from him and he was still left with about 60 points of health... X3
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Re: Jesus saves and takes half damage, RP hilarity here.

#110 Post by unsteddyPhoenix »

Oh man that was brilliant....I nearly died from choking on mah crackers but it was worth it......got any more?
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TheNewGirl
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Re: Jesus saves and takes half damage, RP hilarity here.

#111 Post by TheNewGirl »

Lol well one of the players (my best friend's little sister; it was her first campaign ^.^) was a blue man. When Uncle Ruckus met everyone in the party, he asked their color. To the blue man (Alaric, I believe), he said "...I got mah eye on yew..." lol. The girl playing Alaric later decided she wanted to become a woman, so the GM had a random Warp tornado surround Alaric and he changed to a woman for 1d10 insanity. I don't remember what the role was, but I know Alaric basically spent the rest of the campaign crying when we were confronted in battle.
GM: The Psyker has been heavily wounded and is now down on the ground, struggling for her life against the creatures. What do you do?
Alaric: ...I cry.

There was also a time in a campaign I GM'd (which sadly fell apart after five sessions...) in which one of my players was a gay man. It was his first gaming experience, so he made "Dr. Severus Swallows." Dr. Swallows's quirk was "long fingers" (said in a sexyvoice sorta accent). They were all on a large commercial transport vessel and had made their way to the church, where Dr. Swallows promptly propositioned every member of the clergy. XD the poor priests were so confused....
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Re: Jesus saves and takes half damage, RP hilarity here.

#112 Post by no.responce »

i feel out of the loop here, who is uncle ruckus?
Why did you reverse engineer my Doom Walker?!
So that it could walk backwards...


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Re: Jesus saves and takes half damage, RP hilarity here.

#113 Post by TheNewGirl »

Uncle Ruckus is a character from an Adult Swim show called the Boondocks. He's a black man who hates black people. He looks up to the White Man, worships White Jesus, and aspires to enter into White Heaven when he dies.
"Challenge me, dare me, even defy me. But never underestimate me, for on the back of my horse anything is possible."

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Re: Jesus saves and takes half damage, RP hilarity here.

#114 Post by no.responce »

so.... lord racist supreme sound about right?
Why did you reverse engineer my Doom Walker?!
So that it could walk backwards...


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Re: Jesus saves and takes half damage, RP hilarity here.

#115 Post by TheNewGirl »

Basically. He's just a funny paradox of a character.
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Re: Jesus saves and takes half damage, RP hilarity here.

#116 Post by y7h65 »

Well............ In the RPG group I'm in, we ran into a group of four clearly(Well they had classes which usually belonged to evil people..... and were described as 'Evil looking') evil people. Who had a plot device. So we started slaughtering them. So after we kill one of them and put another into a state of dying, the GM reveals a few things. A: They're doing the same thing we are. B: We weren't supposed to have killed one of them and put the other into a state of death. Oh and then there was the time the mage of the group managed to score a critical hit on a miniboss by throwing his staff at him. And proceeded to concuss the miniboss. This was after both me and the other melee character failed to hit him.
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Re: Jesus saves and takes half damage, RP hilarity here.

#117 Post by TheNewGirl »

Playing DH Ascention, which meant we started with 30,000 xp for our characters. I was a death cult assassin who was a member of a family cartel; while my boyfriend was her mute bodyguard. My best friend was a heirophant (ascended cleric), her bf was a tech priest, and his brother was a guardsman.

Our adventure began with me rolling such a good navigation test that we "arrived on planet before you left." we had to infiltrate a rave, and my character got in by saying to her bodyguard, "come on, Verbal, tell the man how you lost our invitations." when we got in, we had to dance our way to the DJ table, a test which I failed so I ended up flailing like a robot, earning me weird looks. Someone in the crowd grabbed me and groped me, but my body guard (whose name was Verbal for this session) punched the person so hard they died.

When we made it to the DJ, I used the name of our target, Alexi Sombris, to bluff my way into being allowed down the stairs. We met with Alexi though he spoke with us via hologram so we couldn't kill him. I had Verbal use his data slate to conduct the negotiatons (mostly because I as a player can't think on my feet unless I'm typing) and he wove a wonderful web of lies. While we were waiting to meet Alexi in person, shenanigans ensued.

The heirophant tried to bluff her way down the stairs after us and failed so the guardsman intimidated the DJ. When they got down the stairs they were confronted by more guards and the guardsmen started yelling something (I don't remember what was said; everyone at the table was screaming). In the midst of this, the heirophant claimed the guardsman was her cousin and had a mental disorder and said she was looking for her sister (my character, apparently). The gaurds thought our guardsman Was tweaking out and gave us sedative pills. It would've been fine if the guardsman hadn't started shouting "I don't know her!" while pointing at the heirophant (his "cousin"). The tech priest basically dragged them upstairs and sent them on another mission.

Meanwhile, while our characters met with Alexi, we were led into an extravagant room with gem statues and 25 guards. Alexi revealed that he knew who we were and would kill us unless one of us killed the other. At that point my bodyguard wrote "eat sht and die" on his data slate and handed it to a gaurs to be given to Alexi. When the guard turned, he drew his weapon; leaned to the side, and made a called shot to Alexi's head.

Miss.

He spent a fate point to re-roll, but rolled so poorly that he only scraped Alexi's cheek. I passed a sleight of hand test and took the guards weapon, leaned around Verbal, and shot Alexi. I got 7 damage to the head, some to the body, and rolled a headshot again. The last headshot rolled a natural ten, so I rolled damage again. Another natural ten, so I rolled again and got a three. The guy's head Exploded.

No, really. Apparently he was strapped with bombs, so his entire body blew up and killed six of his elite guard. Verbal and I then proceeded to slaughter the remaining twenty highly trained, highly armed guards. We had brought our lightest weaponry and i wasnt even wearing armor.

Meanwhile, the othergroup returned back downstairs to find a room with guards swarming to my location. The tech priest created a fear aura but nobody noticed, so the heirophant brought out her flamethrower. In one move, about six of the twenty guards were dead, and half the survivors were on fire. The guardsmen took out a few, then the heirophant flames tue remaining guys and killed them all. In my room, the three guys still alive all surrendered, as did the four guys who had been out of the heirophant's view in the hallway.

We went from "oh [censored] were [censored]" to "hell yeah we're badass" in literally 30 seconds of in-character time. And to top it all off, not only was one gem statue exploded into marketable pieces, but I also spotted a power sword in the corner :)
"Challenge me, dare me, even defy me. But never underestimate me, for on the back of my horse anything is possible."

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Re: Jesus saves and takes half damage, RP hilarity here.

#118 Post by Twippit »

This just happened. This was on a random RP board, this time I'm DMing.

So I'm RPing one-on-one with a friend named Erinn. She has two characters (one is a normal guy with slightly enhanced abilities (think Batman in terms of strenght, speed, endurance, ect.) and a teenage half-wolf demon girl), I have two characters (a mute half-zombie named Bones and an abnoxious half-fire elemental named Pyro).
The scene starts out with Erinn's characters and Bones walking through a snowy forest, hurrying to get to the other side without delay. Unfortunatly, I am an incredibly sadistic DM, so I have to make something delay them. Well, I decided on a giant moose. The moose at first wasn't gonna do anything, and everybody is like, "Cool, okay, just stay calm and don't move," but then Pyro catches up with them and like headbutts the moose by accident, which pisses the moose off, so it starts rampaging and knocks Bones into a tree and flings Pyro into a snow bank. Erinn's characters fight back, but they don't do much.
Suddenly Pyro belches fire and it scares the moose (but only scares it a little) and Bones comes out of NOWHERE at guts it with this random knife he got somewhere.
After the fight, Bones confronts Pyro, who is like "Hey, nice save back there! Heh-heh..." Bones says nothing. He just picks Pyro up by the collar and drop-kicks him about a mile away.

The three then continued walking through the forest like nothing happened.
Hey. Been a while. I'm on discord at Twippit#9645. See ya around sometime, maybe.

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Re: Jesus saves and takes half damage, RP hilarity here.

#119 Post by JediGuy »

Myself, and several friends, playing the tabletop Vampire: The Masquerade.
GM: Your senses can tell that the doctor and nurse are both in the closet down the hallway.
Friend 1: Alright, we need the doctor to get us into the safe.
Me: Hmm...alright, (Friend 2), you can use Presence and just seduce the doctor. I'll take care of the nurse.
*We walk to the door and get the doctor out. The nurse, at the presence of my botched charm roll, tries to run, and winds up knocking herself out / fainting.*
Me: Well, that's one way to take care of her. A shame, too; she looked like she was gonna have...some...fun...
GM: Alright, you've got the doctor. How're you guys gonna deal with her?
Me: I'll just shove her back in the closet.
*Looks at others*
Me: Hey, wait a minute. Do I still have that ballgag from when the NPC's jumped me and threw me in a cage?
GM: ...yes...?
Me: "Alright, you guys get into the safe. I'm spending a blood point, I'm taking the nurse, and I'll be back in about ten minutes."
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Re: Jesus saves and takes half damage, RP hilarity here.

#120 Post by Twippit »

Okay, so the long-time DM for my neighborhood DnD group had to move away for work a couple days ago, which was really sad. So we had a great big nerdcore party and a super-long session in which the entire party's gender was reversed. We had fun.
Well, I wanted to make him something to remember me by, but for the longest time I couldn't figure out what. Then I'm in the shower and I figure it out- Holy Shampoo! (he's bald, so he'll never need to use it)

I boiled a bar of soap and a few sticks of rosemary, then strained it into a bottle and let it sit for a few days before adding about a cup of plain Jell-o to give it some body. I ended up with a really really thin soap-ish stuff that your doctor would NOT recommend. If you try this recipe, PM me and let me know how it works for you.
I came up with a sales pitch for it-
Is your hair dreary and undead?
Diabolical ticks and lice got you down?
Well then, have we got the stuff for you!
Try our new "Holy Shampoo", just 14 gp!
Comes with a free Blessing in every bottle!
Hey. Been a while. I'm on discord at Twippit#9645. See ya around sometime, maybe.

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