Wow, I never knew you were hit by a car. I praise God that you're still alive, because then we'd have never met.Holy_458 wrote:Slightly related note: I have a problem with giving up things that have been in my life for a long time, and have great sentimental value to me. I almost have a fear of mass change.
You know, sometimes when your going through life, you get too used to having a system, you forget that everyday is another step through time. That's natural, it's typical behavior, but sometimes you're reminded how every step is a step closer to the end.
My birthday is only a few months away, I will turn seventeen. And yet, for the entire time I have been sixteen, I have never had a (real) job, I haven't gotten my license...hell, I haven't had a girlfriend in nearly three years.
I don't know why, but I have a huge fear of what will or may happen. It really does scare the [censored] out of me thinking of my future, I'm afraid of were I will be in a few years, or even if I will still be alive in just a few years. I'm scared about if I will still have my friends or not, if I will be successful or if I will be a total failure, if all of this extra work I keep putting into my life will amount to ANYTHING at all!
I hate when everything in my life changes to fast. I haven't had that problem for many years now, but it does come up along with the subject of death. I remember how crushed I was when my grandpa died, I still find it hard not to cry just thinking about him. I loved my grandpa, and I honestly wanted to kill those few people (including my grandpa) who said "good riddance" at his death.
I feel like i'm getting old...my last grandpa is living on borrowed time, and our cat is starting to finally show signs of it's age. It's almost a race now to see which one of these two will die first. It's a race with now winners, a race I wish I don't have to watch.
And to top it all off, there's a Friday the 13th coming up. I don't care what other people say about Friday the 13th thinking it's all superstition, or that it's really "a day of good luck". All I know is that nothing good has ever happened to me on a Friday the 13th, the day my grandpa died was a Friday the 13th, I found out that my parents were transferring me into a new school and I would never see my old friends again on a Friday the 13th, for no explanation I was swamped with homework and ALL my grades for freshmen year fell below 50% on a Friday the 13th.
On the last Friday the 13th, I was hit by a car. It's a [censored] miracle that I'm still able to walk, let alone that I'm still alive.
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Also, I understand that change is scary, but sometimes it is necessary. Otherwise you'd never go anywhere. You'd be in the same spot all the time.
But I feel for ya, Holy. Death can be a scary thing. The best thing to do is to live like you knew tomorrow wasn't there. No regrets.
oh, and try not to worry to hard, you don't want to make yourself sick over it.
elves.....
